003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

[parallels]

Clara Oswald here.

So...

[There's a lengthy pause as if she really doesn't want to be doing this post but feels compelled to for some reason. Or perhaps she just has no idea how to start.]

So this is Draubwurld's chance to play advice columnist. About-

[There's another painful silence. Or space for a long suffering sigh.]

Relationships.

[Another pause and then suddenly she bursts into speech, going to quickly that it's a little frightening that someone's mouth can move that fast.]

I'm mean I can't be the only one, can I? Had someone back home and then ended up here. Or back here, technically, for me. And now you've got to figure out what's to be done about it. Can't stand around the station hoping your mobile will finally, someday, send them a text message back. The one that you meant to reply to before you showed up here.

If we're trapped here for years and age slowly, it's not quite going to work to just pop back in when the war is over. "Hey, sorry, got kidnapped by fairies 65 years ago, sorry about that, yeah I'd love to go to the cinema like you said in your text". And all the while, they've wondering why you went missing all those years ago.

[And there it is, the sigh.]

Do you just... remain loyal even if it means they might have forgotten you when you return? Or moved on? Or do you call it a wash and start thinking of this place as a new life.

Either way, feels like a bit of losing game, no matter what you do. Suppose that's part of war. But war doesn't usually last centuries. For humans like me, anyway.

[Then she realizes something she probably should have said way back from the start.]

Sorry. For the too much information. And the personal questions. And personal answers if-and-or-when they are given.

Thanks.

Comments

[cinnamoned]

[Oh. Oh, well this is just that painful reminder of Charming Snow totally needs. Still, she's sympathetic to Clara's situation, reminiscent of her own even if she's still certain her other half will show up eventually.]

I'm not sure what advice to give here. Only that I know my husband and I always find each other. Which doesn't really help with your situation or questions, sorry. But I suppose that is something a lot of others here also need to decide and consider, if their loved one isn't here with them. There's a chance they could also make it here. Which I guess could make things....awkward if there is someone else here. I don't know. This situation is not exactly....ideal or easy.

[Snow knows she can be faithful. Is certain Charming will find his way here at some point. But others might not have that same hope and vow to always find each other, finding it more difficult.]

[parallels]

[Now she feels a little selfish. She loves Danny Pink (or at least she's pretty sure she does), but their feelings are still only in the infancy stage. Nothing compared to marriage.]

Yeah. Thankfully, it's already horribly awkward back home so I'm well prepared for that part. I just...

Can't stand the fact that I've gone missing and he's just sitting there, wondering where I've gone.

[cinnamoned]

[Already awkward? Oh, Clara. What is even going on with your love life. But Snow can sympathize. She herself is worrying about Charming too. Even if back home whether they might even realize anyone here is gone is another story.]

Already horribly awkward? No, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to. But I understand. I'm sure if those back home do notice us gone that Charming would be worried and missing me too.

[athousandcurses]

My husband is here, but not our children. It is... stranger than that, though.

[As hard as it is for her, she wishes to help. Grainne's struggled with these things a lot over the last few months, but still hasn't come to any solid conclusion...]

He is also waiting for me at home, should I ever return.

[parallels]

...I can't imagine how difficult that would be. To be away from your children.

[She shakes her head. The situation with Danny runs circles around her mind. But she can't imagine being separated from a child and knowing that it could be decades before they were reunited.]

I'm sorry.

[athousandcurses]

[A long moment passes before Grainne replies.]

Thank you... Even when they go to foster, it has always been difficult.

video.

[brainiest]

It is a little complicated, isn't it?

[ It had been when Ron was here. Things were already a little complicated back home, considering they were trying to help recover from a war while she was desperate to finish school, but he had turned up at one of the worst times. She had been so busy doing so many things that she hadn't given him the attention she was sure he deserved - and she had ended up regretting is, sourly. ]

I think... We're here. And if the people we love aren't we have to accept that they might not turn up. We can't just turn off how we feel, can we? If we like someone here then... Then we have to be happy.

[parallels]

'A little' is being kindly understated.

[Ah, Hermione. At the sound of a familiar voice, Clara flicks the locket to video. If only she knew how similar her struggles with Danny were to Hermione's with Ron. Driven women with priorities beyond relationships and struggles to figure out where those relationships fit.]

I suppose so. Or at least I'd want them to move on, go find another girl and do all this relationship stuff properly. Not wait for me endlessly. Hopefully, they think the same.

[It seems easy to say. A little too easy.]

[brainiest]

Isn't it always?

[ Hermione smiles when she sees Clara, lifting her hand and wiggling her fingers in a quick 'hello'. All of this is so complicated and the idea of people coming and go is still disconcerting and trying to fit some kind of relationship around that seems particularly difficult. Hermione is used to warlike situations; she knows how strained friendships and romances can get. ]

I'd want that too. It isn't fair, waiting for someone that might come back. [ She imagines Ron moving on to someone else and - it hurts, the idea of it, but she's learning to adapt here too. Feelings don't last forever and if she's gone long enough for him to think of her more... Nostalgically? She can't blame him for that. ] They deserve to be happy and so do we.

[voice]

[enjoymyatelier]

...ah, yes, something I've really been trying not to think about...

[It really doesn't help that he was starting to maybe kind of sort of face that thing he was really trying to deny back home!

Ahhh, she most definitely has not run off with his particular world's version of Lancer. That won't happen. Absolutely not.]

Really, I suppose all you can do is hope for the best --- it's entirely possible for them to find themselves here, after all, even though that may take some time.

[parallels]

Sorry. Been trying to not think of it myself. Which involved a lot of thinking about it. And then not sleeping and then locket posting.

It's a dangerous slope.

[She coughs. Words tend to spill out when she's nervous.]

I don't. I don't even know if I want him here. He's not really. He doesn't do this sort of bonkers magic thing. Plus there's a war which might get him all upset.

[enjoymyatelier]

...ah, that's roughly the way I've been approaching it. Although, I think my fiancee would likely deal with this sort of thing rather well, so I'm not quite as concerned on that front.

Then again, the conscription angle is a bit worrying regardless, particularly given all the people here who seem to be... well.. like that.

voice » private

[rues]

[ there's no way she's having this conversation publicly, not that she supposes it matters since luke is basically the prince of technology and he could probably figure out how to de-private this particular conversation, anyway. clarisse doesn't really intend on bringing him specifically, but just in case ... she'd like to keep this between just the two of them. ]

[ even though she doesn't know clara very well, this is a subject that hits especially close to home, and it's not like ... she's really had anyone to talk to about it in the recent months. of the two people she might consider talking to, one of them has known luke since she was seven and ... well, the other one is percy jackson. she's not about to talk relationship problems with him, even if they are a lot closer than they used to be. the strength of their friendship doesn't make him any less of an idiot. ]

[ there's a heavy silence before clarisse actually says anything as she tries to decide if she really does want to say anything. this is probably completely stupid, talking to someone she doesn't even know about dumb things like boy problems, but ... she doesn't have anyone else to talk to, and don't they say talking to strangers is cathartic? it's not like clara will know who she's talking about. ] Yeah, I've got someone back home, too. I thought it would get easier, him never showing up here and me being stuck here, but it's been almost nine months and the disappointment still hurts every time I don't see his face at the feast. [ it hurts even more seeing his face in the memory basin the monarchs had gifted her, and she's almost positive it's out of guilt more than anything else. ] I thought trying to move on would help, but the harder I try, the guiltier I feel. It feels like I'm betraying him, you know? Isn't that the whole issue?

But then ... [ she grumbles, mostly frustrated with herself ] there is someone — here — and it's not like I know how I feel, because he's — [ complicated, frustrating, funny, smart, infuriatingly attractive ... and her boyfriend's brother, just to make it even more complicated than it already is ] — well, we have a truce. I'll leave it at that. [ she hated him for betraying her and killing her friends, but now she only hates him because she can't make sense of what she feels. she won't admit, can't admit that the vision just amplified what she already knew a long time ago. there's another pause, then another sigh. ] My boyfriend would want me to be happy. I'm sure your someone would too, if they knew, right? But how do you just let go of someone you love like that? [ ugh. ] This shit has never been my strong suit. I'm not a fucking Aphrodite kid. [ silena would probably say, "follow your heart," but how is she supposed to do that when she can't find it long enough to know where it's going? ] There's just — no good answer. I think eventually we just have to suck it up and decide which battle we'd rather lose less.

[parallels]

[Clara can't help but wince at the other woman's tone of voice. It just sounds.... so defeated? So miserable. So torn. And so utterly frustrated that this place is putting her through that. And with a sinking sensation, she realizes how much she can relate. A guy back home and a guy here that... well it's complicated to say the least. Though she has to admit, there was no sinking feeling in her chest when she thinks about Danny not showing up? The idea of being away from him is painful but... not as much as it's hurting this other girl.]

I. know how you feel. Both about the two people, one at home and one here with a whole lot of tension. And the whole being terrible at this sort of thing. Glad to know I'm not the only one and I haven't got the excuse of Aphrodite.

[Then she licks her lips. The Doctor is here. He nearly forced her to do something terrible and there's not an ounce of regret in him as far as she can tell. She's furious and yet... they've reached a truce of some sorts. While they intended to part ways, now they're here together, and they ought to work together as best they can.]

I don't know. I don't want to let him go. But I want him to be happy all the same. And I don't know if either of us will be if we just sit around and wait for each other, letting years and years pass us by.

[rues]

[ clarisse wants chris to be happy more than anything. it's why she tried so hard to take care of him, to be with him and protect him in the labyrinth and out of it, why she tried so hard to fix him, to give him his mind back after the labyrinth stole it from him. she never really realized until then that that's all she ever really wanted for chris — for him to be happy. she used to think that meant with her, but now she's not so sure. how good is she for him when she sees his brother in her mind more often than she sees him? how good is she when she can't even decide if she wants him here or not? it should be an automatic yes, but there's a hesitation now that she can't deny. he's better off without her. he'll be happier without her. right? ]

[ but part of her knows that isn't true, even as hard as she wants to believe it. chris is the type of person who doesn't let go, but clarisse is the type of person who shoves until the other person is forced to. it's easier to push people out of her life than it is to keep them there, and eventually that would happen with chris, wouldn't it? he's too good for her; he deserves someone so much better. but she knows, deep down, that even if she moves on, he never will. he'll cling to her and wait and hope and pray to every god he knows the name of — and it's the fact that she knows that that makes it so much harder, so much worse when she thinks about the inevitability of never seeing him again, or being stuck here for so long that all he becomes is a distant memory she can replay in the small basin the monarchs gave her, like looking at an old photo album that moves and reminds her of a time long since passed. ]

Nobody wants to let go. [ she's learned a lot about that kind of thing while she's been here — letting go of her anger, her hate, her resentment. it's never completely gone, but continuing to cling to all those negative emotions wasn't doing her any good, nor was it doing anyone else any good. maybe that was the point, but she's had to open her eyes to what's in front of her and stop looking at everything through the lens of the past, even if that past doesn't always feel like it really has passed. ] Sometimes it's necessary. [ at least if she let chris go, she wouldn't feel so miserable about him all the time. ]

private video

[bythewaves]

Mm, it is not quite... the same for the Eldar as it is for Men. We love but once and for life. The only occasion that was different... well. Let us just say that much of our troubles might have been avoided.

But... [ he is playing with the rose-gold ring on his left hand ] We... because bodily death is not the same for us, even to lose a spouse is not final, for we will be reunited again, eventually.

[parallels]

For life? Now that's a commitment.

[Clearly, that sounds like way too much for her.]

You mean heaven? Or some sort of afterlife?

voice. private. hush.

[duodecimal]

[ There is about twenty different things the Doctor could say to this and they're all on the tip of his tongue. What he eventually decides to say might— arguably be one of the worst responses to this but it's also startlingly honest in his opinion. ]

I told you that you made a boyfriend error. [ He stops, knowing fully well he should say more. ] You're not going to like my answer to your questions beyond that. [ You probably don't even like that one. ]

/smacks

[parallels]

Oh? What error did I make?

That he's failed to show up? Because last I checked, someone else left me stranded here for nine months.

[Do you hear the annoyance in her voice, Doctor? It's like slapping you through the network if she could.] And who says I even care about your questions.

voice;

[writeswrongs]

[This is what Castle has been wrestling with since he got here.]

I think it depends on the relationship and how you feel about the person. I mean, if you loved them more than anything you might be willing to wait forever.

Voice;

[parallels]

Yeah,

I suppose I have to decide if I do and if I am.

[She loves Danny. But does she love him that much? More than anything? Enough to give up the Doctor for real?]

voice. private.

[endurecer]

[ Oh, Clara. You don't know what minefield you just set off with Reyna. She debates with herself about saying anything. She's not the type to get involved in other people's business when it involves relationships. She leaves that to Venus children or Aphrodite children because they're better at this. War can be caused through passions involving love but— that's beyond the point.

Her own love life is a joke. A joke she's come to terms with and a joke that she just chooses to deal with like she does with a number of things. Best you swear off boys because you don't need them to be whole. When her answer finally comes, it's said tightly, like she's reining in her tone. ]

Move on. [ She pauses, knowing that's too blunt even for her so she continues. ] There's always a possibility the person will remain loyal. But there's just as easily the possibility that they won't be. [ Her mind drifts to Jason and how he came back to Rome with Piper and Percy and Annabeth who managed to stay loyal to each other despite everything. She doesn't feel bitter, but it still feels a bit raw when she's not quite paying attention. ] You'd be the only one hurting if you see them with another person.

private

[parallels]

He'll remain loyal.

[Clara catches the clipped tone and does her best to keep hers measured. It is, after all, a sensitive topic and she can't really blame people for bringing in their own baggage. It sort of comes with asking for it.]

It's... [Me, I'm worried about? No, too much information.] It's that I'm not sure if he should. Or if I want him to. Not if I'm going to be here for the next fifty years.

audio » private.

[manipulative]

[ isn't this katherine's life? people die. people move on. she never ages. on the outside, it appears as though loyalty is such a fickle and insignificant concept to someone like katherine who plunges her knives into the backs of her alleged friends, but it has been the one tether that has made her question herself. who is she? why is she so keen on returning to pennsylvania, despite what elijah has said of her future, to be with him? loyalty to herself has always been the priority — as people come and go, but she remains, as broken and as defeated as many refuse to perceive her as. ]

[ she doesn't respond to clara as katherine, the woman who is untouchable, but as katerina, the girl who believed in love so much it had killed her. ] You do what you feel is right. You mourn for them. You love them. But you never stop living because of them.

[parallels]

Wish I knew what was right. Usually I always think I'm right. Now I'm a bit... well, there's a reason I'm asking for advice.

[But there is something she appreciates in the other woman's words.]

I'd never stop living. Too much to do. Too much to see. Especially in a place like this. And even back home.