eachdraidh | 003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

Clara Oswald here.

So...

[There's a lengthy pause as if she really doesn't want to be doing this post but feels compelled to for some reason. Or perhaps she just has no idea how to start.]

So this is Draubwurld's chance to play advice columnist. About-

[There's another painful silence. Or space for a long suffering sigh.]

Relationships.

[Another pause and then suddenly she bursts into speech, going to quickly that it's a little frightening that someone's mouth can move that fast.]

I'm mean I can't be the only one, can I? Had someone back home and then ended up here. Or back here, technically, for me. And now you've got to figure out what's to be done about it. Can't stand around the station hoping your mobile will finally, someday, send them a text message back. The one that you meant to reply to before you showed up here.

If we're trapped here for years and age slowly, it's not quite going to work to just pop back in when the war is over. "Hey, sorry, got kidnapped by fairies 65 years ago, sorry about that, yeah I'd love to go to the cinema like you said in your text". And all the while, they've wondering why you went missing all those years ago.

[And there it is, the sigh.]

Do you just... remain loyal even if it means they might have forgotten you when you return? Or moved on? Or do you call it a wash and start thinking of this place as a new life.

Either way, feels like a bit of losing game, no matter what you do. Suppose that's part of war. But war doesn't usually last centuries. For humans like me, anyway.

[Then she realizes something she probably should have said way back from the start.]

Sorry. For the too much information. And the personal questions. And personal answers if-and-or-when they are given.

Thanks.

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Mm, it is not quite... the same for the Eldar as it is for Men. We love but once and for life. The only occasion that was different... well. Let us just say that much of our troubles might have been avoided.

But... [ he is playing with the rose-gold ring on his left hand ] We... because bodily death is not the same for us, even to lose a spouse is not final, for we will be reunited again, eventually.

For life? Now that's a commitment.

[Clearly, that sounds like way too much for her.]

You mean heaven? Or some sort of afterlife?

Not really? It is... who we are. Mm, no not quite. We are... the Eldar are tied to the world, and although our bodies may perish, our fea, our... souls, endure so long as it does. So if we are slain we go to the Halls of Waiting, and after a time we may be Reborn, to walk again in flesh. So no sundering is forever.

[ except for us says Caranthir, grim and quiet ]

...If people back home believed that sort of thing with certainty, the world might be a different place.

[ Maglor huffs in amusement ]

I suppose it would be harder when you are not sure - but for us, it is not belief but knowledge. Even now my grandmother's body lies in Lorien, while her soul lingers in the Halls, and will always do so, for grandmother chose not to return.

Does it make it easier? Knowing that? Make it easier to live, to chose, to decide what you're going to do with your fate?

Not really. [ His eyes look far away ] Death is still death. It still hurts, it is still a sundering. We know they will walk again one day, but we do not know when, after all. And for some of us, there is no returning to Valinor, and the reborn do not come again to Middle-earth.

But when you stand on the battlefield, and see your death coming? It is still death, and your being rebels against it, screaming in defiance, and you must still find your own courage.

[ Aure entuluva cried Fingon. Day will come again! ]

When still seems a bit better than "if".

[But she nods. What he's saying does make sense.]

I suppose, it's natural. Everyone wants to live. Even if death isn't the end. Fighting for life is natural.

Mmhmm. [ He nods ] We learnt very swiftly, that immortality means nothing, on a battlefield. Some, that knowledge cowed, and they died. Some it drove mad. But those of us who survived... we learnt that fear can be mastered, if it has to be.

...Suppose that sort of thing helps in a war.

[ That smile is bittersweet ] It was that or die, so...

It seems like that's going to be reality for us all soon.

No more time to think of silly things like relationships.

[ He shrugs a little wryly ]

Oh, I would not be entirely so certain about that. There is much to be said for the strength gained when you have something... or someone to protect. The man or woman who cannot retreat any further lest those they guard are overrun is a formidable foe indeed.

[ Aure entuluva! Hurin cried, and was taken, but such a price he made the enemy pay ]

I've got loads of people I want to protect. It seems like fighting to protect the ones back home means fighting against some of them here.

[She shakes her head.]

Leaves me feeling a bit used rather than strong.

That is no fault of yours, I think, but rather that of our Rulers, who care little for the divisions of heart. [ Maglor shrugs at her wryly ] For my kin, for my family, I would, I have, done the most terrible of things. But if they wished for that of me here, they should have known better than to put kin on both sides. I suppose your situation is a little different, eh? But still a hard one. I can give you no good advice, Lady Clara, only that you alone can decide what price you are willing to pay.

003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

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i'm sorry this took forever

/pats its ok!

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