[ there's no way she's having this conversation publicly, not that she supposes it matters since luke is basically the prince of technology and he could probably figure out how to de-private this particular conversation, anyway. clarisse doesn't really intend on bringing him specifically, but just in case ... she'd like to keep this between just the two of them. ]
[ even though she doesn't know clara very well, this is a subject that hits especially close to home, and it's not like ... she's really had anyone to talk to about it in the recent months. of the two people she might consider talking to, one of them has known luke since she was seven and ... well, the other one is percy jackson. she's not about to talk relationship problems with him, even if they are a lot closer than they used to be. the strength of their friendship doesn't make him any less of an idiot. ]
[ there's a heavy silence before clarisse actually says anything as she tries to decide if she really does want to say anything. this is probably completely stupid, talking to someone she doesn't even know about dumb things like boy problems, but ... she doesn't have anyone else to talk to, and don't they say talking to strangers is cathartic? it's not like clara will know who she's talking about. ] Yeah, I've got someone back home, too. I thought it would get easier, him never showing up here and me being stuck here, but it's been almost nine months and the disappointment still hurts every time I don't see his face at the feast. [ it hurts even more seeing his face in the memory basin the monarchs had gifted her, and she's almost positive it's out of guilt more than anything else. ] I thought trying to move on would help, but the harder I try, the guiltier I feel. It feels like I'm betraying him, you know? Isn't that the whole issue?
But then ... [ she grumbles, mostly frustrated with herself ] there is someone — here — and it's not like I know how I feel, because he's — [ complicated, frustrating, funny, smart, infuriatingly attractive ... and her boyfriend's brother, just to make it even more complicated than it already is ] — well, we have a truce. I'll leave it at that. [ she hated him for betraying her and killing her friends, but now she only hates him because she can't make sense of what she feels. she won't admit, can't admit that the vision just amplified what she already knew a long time ago. there's another pause, then another sigh. ] My boyfriend would want me to be happy. I'm sure your someone would too, if they knew, right? But how do you just let go of someone you love like that? [ ugh. ] This shit has never been my strong suit. I'm not a fucking Aphrodite kid. [ silena would probably say, "follow your heart," but how is she supposed to do that when she can't find it long enough to know where it's going? ] There's just — no good answer. I think eventually we just have to suck it up and decide which battle we'd rather lose less.
voice » private
[ even though she doesn't know clara very well, this is a subject that hits especially close to home, and it's not like ... she's really had anyone to talk to about it in the recent months. of the two people she might consider talking to, one of them has known luke since she was seven and ... well, the other one is percy jackson. she's not about to talk relationship problems with him, even if they are a lot closer than they used to be. the strength of their friendship doesn't make him any less of an idiot. ]
[ there's a heavy silence before clarisse actually says anything as she tries to decide if she really does want to say anything. this is probably completely stupid, talking to someone she doesn't even know about dumb things like boy problems, but ... she doesn't have anyone else to talk to, and don't they say talking to strangers is cathartic? it's not like clara will know who she's talking about. ] Yeah, I've got someone back home, too. I thought it would get easier, him never showing up here and me being stuck here, but it's been almost nine months and the disappointment still hurts every time I don't see his face at the feast. [ it hurts even more seeing his face in the memory basin the monarchs had gifted her, and she's almost positive it's out of guilt more than anything else. ] I thought trying to move on would help, but the harder I try, the guiltier I feel. It feels like I'm betraying him, you know? Isn't that the whole issue?
But then ... [ she grumbles, mostly frustrated with herself ] there is someone — here — and it's not like I know how I feel, because he's — [ complicated, frustrating, funny, smart, infuriatingly attractive ... and her boyfriend's brother, just to make it even more complicated than it already is ] — well, we have a truce. I'll leave it at that. [ she hated him for betraying her and killing her friends, but now she only hates him because she can't make sense of what she feels. she won't admit, can't admit that the vision just amplified what she already knew a long time ago. there's another pause, then another sigh. ] My boyfriend would want me to be happy. I'm sure your someone would too, if they knew, right? But how do you just let go of someone you love like that? [ ugh. ] This shit has never been my strong suit. I'm not a fucking Aphrodite kid. [ silena would probably say, "follow your heart," but how is she supposed to do that when she can't find it long enough to know where it's going? ] There's just — no good answer. I think eventually we just have to suck it up and decide which battle we'd rather lose less.