[Text; Open] -> [Audio; Seelie] Backdated to the 3rd

[asafp]

Fuck me.

[That's it that's the post.

If you're not a member of the Seelie court, that is. After another moment -- or a few -- the audio and the lock switch on.]

[Audio; Seelie-locked]

[The following is the sound of a Glaswegian who is both exhausted and quietly trying to sustain his brittle grasp on reality.]

Right, this message ought to only be goin' out to members of the, ah, Seelie Court. Hoping there's a friendly soul somewhere in the area of Daonna who can help a poor traveler in gettin' to the castle. Supposedly those fluttery lights were meant to drop me off at it, but I guess they got lost somewhere on the Yellow Brick Fucking Road.

Bargained my way into a room at the inn temporarily, but I don't wanna find out how the pig man's gonna make me pay once I run out of currency. I hear one of their orgasms lasts for half an hour.

[All right, Malc, reign it in for a minute. You've got no clout here, and you want these people to want to help you out, right?

Right.]

Any assistance would be [and here he is trying really hard to be cordial and professional:] greatly appreciated.

Comments

text.

[winterwork]

[Just staring at that message because ??????]

sorry buddy this locket thing isnt used for that kind of service

text.

[asafp]

What, is there no chat line on this side of the rainbow? I'd think the munchkins have to get their nut off somehow.

Text

[sculptor_of_aman]

[For a while, the Elf just kinda... boggles at that. Maybe certain things are more needed here than she realized.]

...do you mean that literally?

Text

[asafp]

Yeah. Whenever I find myself dropped in a Renaissance festival by a flock of chatty acid flashbacks, I need a good dogging to take the shock off.

It's a fucking turn of phrase.

text;

[vaccinations]

hey man we got kids on this network so watching your fucking mouth okay.

text;

[asafp]

They ought to get some child safety lockets. Stick a profanity filter charm on these things, if you're so concerned about decency standards.

video.

[impeaches]

People have certainly become more brazen.

video.

[asafp]

'Brazen.' Yeah, maybe since the Regency period. Though you lot haven't even got that far yet.

Audio, Permaprivate

[gordianknots]

As a polite heads up, I'm afraid that with a statement like that, you're about to get either people chiding you for language or taking the statement at face value.

[asafp]

Tell me something I don't know.

[More weary and annoyed than anything else. Can't be arsed to get too worked up over the misfire when there's so much else to absorb.]

[athousandcurses]

[And then there's Grainne, who has no idea what the term even means. What? They used a different phrase for that back in her home.]

Ah, I...

[She is incredibly confused until the next part of the message comes through. Obviously, it meant a plea for help, yes?]

I am afraid I am in Caer Glaem, but if there is a way I could help...

[asafp]

[Well, doesn't she sound... sweet.]

Not unless you can teleport, darlin'. Or send a helicopter. Although at this point, Christ knows which one would be more credible.

[Although now that he's talking, he's going to keep on talking to himself.]

At least they were able to supply me with a map. What's goin' on with these rings? They're dotted all over the landscape...

text.

[sokkcasm]

[ sokka has mostly learned how to work this weird locket thing by now, and at least the text option is easy enough since you just talk to it and it knows what you're saying. which is ... actually kind of cool, except for the fact that he has no idea how that actually works. he just knows that it does. he'll have to figure out the rest later. ]

[ for now, he's much more concerned with this strange message because uh ... what??? look, he's from, like, some kind of medievalish era in the eastern part of the world, he has no idea what that word means. ]

what is a fuck and why do you want me to do it to you
who are you???

text.

[asafp]

Never mind about it, kid. [Because if he doesn't know, he has to be a kid, yeah?] Go back to your Legos, or whatever it is they've got here.

video

[silvergift]

[His message is crass and she doesn't really care for some of it (most of it) but he's in need of help and, as has been pointed out to her before, she can be much too generous for her own good. Still, she doesn't exactly look approving.]

Alas that I remain in Caer Glaem currently and intend to remain so but if you tell the innkeeper that you are a companion of mine and direct him to the locket, I will show him my mark.

[She raises her hand to the locket and turns it over, showing the Mark of the Traveler emblazoned on her palm.] With hope, he will accept it without my company there.

video

[asafp]

[Have a view of Malcolm putting on his reading glasses as he tries to get a better look at the mark.]

And whose 'companion' would I be saying I am?

voice.

[endurecer]

[ Here is the sad part about all of this, Reyna normally might be willing to help. No one deserves to be stranded when they're a fellow Seelie.

But at the same time, there are certain people who rub her just the wrong way and while normally at home she might be willing to swallow her annoyance and help anyway, this case is different. She doesn't have to help him and if it takes him that long to ask for help— well he can wait a bit. ]

Walk. Try and not act the way you're acting and maybe someone might give you a ride to Caer Glaem. [ It's then that the horse on her end of the locket actually makes his presence known and she has to shush it for a moment. ] I've heard there's also a ring near there that might take you to one closer to Caer Glaem but I haven't tried them.

voice.

[asafp]

So that's a 'no' on the assistance, then.

[Telling him to be nicer and pointing out something he already knew doesn't endear her to him, either. She doesn't have to help, but he doesn't have to beg her -- not if, at the very least, he may be able to hitchhike on someone else's cart.]

Video

[bondedgryphon]

[The language doesn't catch her off guard as it seems to several others of her court, but she is chortling softly at it.

Howdy, Malcolm... have you met a gryphon yet? Probably not, as hey're not terribly prevalent in modern day Earth, beyond being plastered all over Heraldic insignia. Well, you have a gryphon looking at you right now, through the locket. Perked up ears, big old golden eyes and pointy as fuck beak. You might not be able to tell clearly from the locket's view, but she is also about the size of a small horse... a small horse with wings, talons and that pointy as fuck beak.]

Heyla... I believe I could be of assistance so long as you don't mind heights?

[Oh, and she can talk, too. :) ]

Video

[asafp]

[Well, you have his attention.

People, though -- ordinary humans from ordinary Earth -- often see what they subconsciously want to see, and Malcolm's more than a little overloaded on weird at the moment. So even if part of his brain sees the gryphon's beak moving at the same time as he hears the words, he assumes there has to be a human rider somewhere out of frame.

He's tilting his locket to see if it makes a difference in his view. No dice, but have a temporary view of the ceiling.]

Heights not a problem. Never seen the point of skydiving, but that's only cause I'd never jump out of a perfectly functioning airplane.

text;

[smithwork]

No, thank you. :(

text;

[asafp]

Your loss.

text

[lusiphur]

[Lusiphur's in the other court, so he can only see the first two words, but he'll take them in the spirit in which they were intended.]

I'm having that same fucking feeling.

text

[asafp]

[All this cross-court chatter is... well, it's actually fairly familiar.]

Finally, someone who speaks the language of my people.

audio;

[parallels]

[Well that's... weird.

You don't hear too many Glasgow accents. Well, she hears one and this one sounds so similar that she nearly tells this person off before she realizes it's not the Doctor at all.

So there's a moment of silence before she speaks.]

Ignoring the first text. Find the fairy ring. Ought to be on your map. Use it to get to the one near Caer Glaem.

audio;

[asafp]

[You will never know how much he appreciates that particular ignoring.]

Yeah. Hop, skip and a jump from there, right? Fortunately, I've already managed to get myself a ride.