[Text; Open] -> [Audio; Seelie] Backdated to the 3rd

[asafp]

Fuck me.

[That's it that's the post.

If you're not a member of the Seelie court, that is. After another moment -- or a few -- the audio and the lock switch on.]

[Audio; Seelie-locked]

[The following is the sound of a Glaswegian who is both exhausted and quietly trying to sustain his brittle grasp on reality.]

Right, this message ought to only be goin' out to members of the, ah, Seelie Court. Hoping there's a friendly soul somewhere in the area of Daonna who can help a poor traveler in gettin' to the castle. Supposedly those fluttery lights were meant to drop me off at it, but I guess they got lost somewhere on the Yellow Brick Fucking Road.

Bargained my way into a room at the inn temporarily, but I don't wanna find out how the pig man's gonna make me pay once I run out of currency. I hear one of their orgasms lasts for half an hour.

[All right, Malc, reign it in for a minute. You've got no clout here, and you want these people to want to help you out, right?

Right.]

Any assistance would be [and here he is trying really hard to be cordial and professional:] greatly appreciated.

Comments

[vaccinations]

what the fuck is a 'maelstrom'?

[asafp]

A maelstrom's a swirling vortex that sucks in everything around it. You wanna see some real profanity, I'll bring a fucking shitstorm. You'll be shipwrecked. Stranded on Cunt Island with only a stained copy of the Indecent Displays Act to console you. That's a fucking maelstrom.

[vaccinations]

okay. i can take your stupid fucking maelstrom. cunt island sounds like a perfect vacation after where i come from. i'll sit on the beach and drink martinis and fucking laugh my ass off.

bring it on you little bitch.

[asafp]

Not so concerned about the kiddies now, eh?

[vaccinations]

i was just fucking with you before

[asafp]

Got that bit, sweetheart. Nice to know somebody round here's got a fuckin sense of humour.

[vaccinations]

i'm famous for being funny as hell.