[Text; Open] -> [Audio; Seelie] Backdated to the 3rd

[asafp]

Fuck me.

[That's it that's the post.

If you're not a member of the Seelie court, that is. After another moment -- or a few -- the audio and the lock switch on.]

[Audio; Seelie-locked]

[The following is the sound of a Glaswegian who is both exhausted and quietly trying to sustain his brittle grasp on reality.]

Right, this message ought to only be goin' out to members of the, ah, Seelie Court. Hoping there's a friendly soul somewhere in the area of Daonna who can help a poor traveler in gettin' to the castle. Supposedly those fluttery lights were meant to drop me off at it, but I guess they got lost somewhere on the Yellow Brick Fucking Road.

Bargained my way into a room at the inn temporarily, but I don't wanna find out how the pig man's gonna make me pay once I run out of currency. I hear one of their orgasms lasts for half an hour.

[All right, Malc, reign it in for a minute. You've got no clout here, and you want these people to want to help you out, right?

Right.]

Any assistance would be [and here he is trying really hard to be cordial and professional:] greatly appreciated.

Comments

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[lusiphur]

Worse. I landed in some castle that looks like my ex wife's wet dream. All dark and gothic and shit. It's like being married all over again but without all the fun parts.

I'd have preferred pixies though. I got an imp with a mean right hook and what felt like a nail bat to the back of the head.

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[asafp]

Jesus. They're really beating you over the head with the symbolism, aren't they? No pun intended.

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[lusiphur]

It was a little more than symbolism, but yeah, you got that right. Anyone who's said it's not that bad, I've called a damn liar. You'd think they could at least provide painkillers in their little welcome package.

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[asafp]

Well, at least here you can probably find a magic wizard to take the pain away. Back home, that was just a euphemism.

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[lusiphur]

All things considered, I'll take drugs and bandages and natural healing over fairy magic. You never know when it could be a trick.