eachdraidh | video - open to both courts, backdated to the 20th

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video - open to both courts, backdated to the 20th

I need a broom.

[ Some crunching can be heard. It's late, there's not going to be much of an explanation here, other than Alice's hands look very bad, in bruises and cuts. She continues on like it's nothing. She looks up to the imp and frowns. ]

Or a dustpan. I know this is a pain without a lantern, I'm sorry. Use a handkerchief so you don't cut yourself, alright?

[ Sometimes she feels bad for this imp. Alice goes up to cleaning broken shards of glass, ever so carefully, using a basket as means to pick up pieces. With a huff, more to herself- ]

This is the last time I ever-

[ She stops, of course, to notice the locket is open and shoots a look up to the imp. ]

Don't even think about it. I'm not in the mood for this, it was an accident.

[ With a mutter, Alice's hand goes over it and the locket is promptly clamped shut. Should anyone ask, she'll shift it to voice after getting the rest of the mirror cleaned up. ]

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Where is your room?

[Vanessa just needs an address.

And soon enough, she's there. She is dressed in her own nightgown and dressing gown, hair wild and down about her shoulders.]

Alice?

[Miss Liddell would be more appropriate, but she has a feeling a first name would be better, now.]

Edited 2014-12-24 05:22 (UTC)

[ Not to worry, Alice is also a little more modest.

Which means that her shawl has been pinned together, so that Alice may walk around in less shame. The same can't be said for her room, it's just as bad as a child's, in a sense. ]

Hello, Miss Ives.

[ She's older than Alice an Alice easily falls back into her formalities. Alice steps aside, lowering her head. ]

I apologize for the disarray, I haven't been present here lately. [ Which is the truth, of course. Even from Alice's bed, the little white rabbit in Alice's company peeks her head up to see the newcomer. If Alice is comfortable, so is she. Alice leads her in without a word. ]

[Vanessa glances at the rabbit with some worry. Every time she gets near prey animals they have...terrified reactions to her. So she will, of course, keep her distance from the rabbit.

Instead, she moves over to the shattered glass, moving carefully around it.]

Perfectly understandable.

[She waits until the door is closed, before looking at young Alice, her eyes clear, and lacking judgement. There is compassion there, and a hint of concern.]

Why did you smash the glass?

[ Sophie's reaction goes unnoticed by Alice. The rabbit does nothing, at first. A split second later, her ears fall back and she burrows right back into the covers. Usually she greets others if Alice greets them, not now. Alice simply tip toes around a mass of sewing supplies, picking them up as she goes and puts them in a basket that she's grabbed on her way here. ]

Sorry.

[ Alice mutters, growing more and more self-conscious about her room. She wouldn't have dreamed of actually having a guest; her room must seem childish, with so many weird drawings and trinkets about. The empty mirror's frame just stands by Alice's wardrobe, with the mirror pieces still skewed about. The imp clears way for Alice, offering her up the wet handkerchief that she was using to pick up the pieces. It's been cleaned up very well so far, considering. Alice glances back to her, and back to the floor, biting her lip.

The mirror's pieces are more than she realized, which means Alice's fists had to hit it hard. She had to be that upset for it to happen. But this is nothing new, certainly not the last time Alice will destroy something.

To think it was worse when she was in the asylum. By now it is very clear that it was far from an accident and Alice's bloodied and bruised hands indicate that she did it, nothing else could have. ]

[Vanessa see's the rabbit's reaction and sighs. Well. Confirmation of the curse still there, in any sort.

She shakes her head, moving to help pick up things as well. She sees that Alice is uncomfortable; nothing of it bothers her, of course. She understands it, in some ways. And pieces of glass are picked up, without a true worry of her hands. She isn't worried about being cut, even if she should.]

Do not be sorry. I am merely curious on why you would do such a thing. What was it that you saw, that you did not like?

I am not entirely sure.

[ She could have broken it in a fit of rage, she's punched holes in walls in addition to stabbing them. She's also woke up to things destroyed, but that was more along the lines of protecting herself.

She's sure it has to do with attempting to use it like the old looking glass and failing. More than likely she did it out of anger, now that she thinks about it. Alice freezes once she realizes she blurted it out.

How insane that must look. ]

Was it a compulsion? Or you simply can't remember.

[She doesn't look up, but speaks evenly, as if there is nothing strange about what Alice said, at all. She continues to help clean, fingers ghosting over pieces absently.]

I wasn't a compulsion, I simply don't remember.

[ The question doesn't help and Alice fails to hid an edge of irritation in her voice. It makes her weary, reminds her of the doctors' questions she grew to hate. She stuffs that surge of memories back into the corners of her mind, picking up a few more pieces. She has the imp stop altogether and tells her to rest. ]

Due to my condition, I have often had the same trouble.

[Vanessa puts the pieces of glass away, glancing over at Alice.]

Sometimes we can't control what comes over us, can we?

[ The rest of it is getting cleaned up fairly quickly, and there won't be any more shards of glass any longer. This has Alice nearly falling over, glancing out of the corner of her green eyes.

Please don't joke. It's not very funny. ]

What do you mean by that?

I mean exactly what I said, Alice.

[She holds her gaze, not giving anything away.]

There are things within us all that can never be unleashed.

For the better.

[ Tensely, she says, while glancing away. If she looks any harder at Vanessa, she swears she'll see Rutledge in her eyes. ]

There are often times that I am not myself.

[This is a struggle, not something she knows exactly how to talk about. But it seems that Alice might understand, if she could find a way to put words to it.]

You should be careful about those things. If you say that to the wrong person, they'll lock you away.

[ But she has a distinct feeling that may have happened. Alice speaks from experience -- a lot of experience. Ten years of it, ten years of abuse and isolation that made a simple case of catatonic trauma into full-blown psychosis. ]

They already have, once.

I doubt anyone has thought to create an asylum here.

[Well, there it is. Out in the open.]

[ Sometimes Alice hates it when she's right; she says nothing, proceeding to pick up things now that the glass has been cleared. ]

I don't talk about it.

[ She admits, passing a breath. It was nice when she kept it hidden, that no one knew of it because of the stigma attached to it. Surely Vanessa knows that all too well; she feels her heart plummet because she remembers how cruel it was for women.

Especially when girls just stepping into adulthood. ]

So you say, but they are always quick to corner and isolate the ones they deem "mad". Well, I won't go back, not here. I'll stay here as long as I can. No more of it.

Why would we?

Most wouldn't understand, even if we tried to explain.

Only those experience, know.

[She pauses for a moment, then reaches over, squeezing Alice's hand.]

Then I hope you are allowed to stay. I won't return again; I am lucky to be surrounded by people who would not allow it.

Who understand my...condition.

[ Another former mental patient -- Alice still flinches at the touch, pushing her hair out of her face. She looks at her, wondering what could have happened. There may as well be a wordless exchange, here.

With a breath, since she finds herself in this conversation, maybe it's a little easier to say it to someone who knows what it's like. ]

I was in an asylum for ten years back in London. After my family died, I went into a catatonic shock. I wouldn't speak for years, so they gave me to Rutledge. It's been a year now since I was "cured".

[ As if madness was curable to begin with. ]

I've done what I could to hide it, but even the residents on Houndsditch street know who I am. Where I've been. They ridicule me for it. At least here no one knows about that.

[ Alice makes a vague gesture to the would-be mirror. ]

Or this. It's not a condition; they think themselves to be philanthropists and innovators. How many lives have they destroyed? How many more have to endure lobotomies or blood-letting? Hardly a condition. I don't like to think of it that way. I did, perhaps, but I don't. Not anymore.

I am sorry to hear about your family.

The doctors believed I was psychosexual. That my...madness was brought on by having sex.

[She scoffs, lightly. Yes, her catatonic state is often brought on by such a thing, but it has nothing to do with the act, or guilt.

It is the thing inside of her...]

I...

[She--she should try, to speak it. She is older than Alice, but for a moment, she feels younger.]

I have a thing inside me, that sometimes takes control. When it first did, that is when I was placed. They attempted to lobotomize me, but the thing [She refuses to give Amunhet her name, even as she feels the churn within her] stopped it. I mostly endured cold and water treatments. And the shaving of my head.

[She glances over at Alice.]

Your secret is safe, as I hope mine is, with you. I confess, I am sadly glad to meet someone else who has endured what I have.

Edited 2014-12-29 05:08 (UTC)

...

[ Alice sucks in a breath, softly closing her eyes. It's not surprising to hear this. In passing, she heard it, even seen it first hand what happened to the women inmates - yes, inmates - of Rutledge. All of the treatments that they thought would cure hysteria, things that gave her nightmares and had her openly crying for the other women. She lucked out, she supposes, because she had been in there for quite some time, that such a thing was never a concern with Alice. Slightly.

She made good on grabbing a knife and hid it. There's only so much someone can take and being left alone with the two pair of male orderlies was horrific enough, especially as she grew older. She just shakes her head. She almost scoffs at the notion that Vanessa something inside of her.

Alice is now shaking her head violently. ]

You don't have anything inside of you.

[ She sees it as an idea put there by a doctor or a nurse. Possibly both and a slew of staff members, using a patient as a medical lecture -- it's been her ordeal by the twin orderlies' uncle, the highest staff member of Rutledge. ]

You are not mad.

[ She doesn't know her well enough, but Alice longed to hear those words and no one had ever told her that. She was left wasted away in Rutledge, her body stunted from the abuse and neglect, thin and pale. Most of all, Alice could barely trust another after that. ]

It's none of their business.

[ Alice wouldn't breathe a word of it; she hasn't mentioned it, only vague hints of it by her insistence that her kidnap by Reynard was a cakewalk compared to Rutledge. ]

They have no reason to know and should they ridicule you, they will answer to me.

I do, actually.

I am not mad, but I have a curse.

[She speaks matter of factly. She can understand why Alice wishes to disagree. She reaches out, touching her shoulder gently.]

I doubt you are mad. I am not mad, either, in that we can agree. And I would let no one say such things about you, either.

[She manages a soft, weak smile.]

We should look after each other.

[ "I doubt you are mad."

No one has said that to her; Alice looks down at her hands momentarily, the bruises and the cuts. The thin lines from years ago on her wrists. The restraints that were once on them. It shouldn't come as a surprise that Alice seems to lightly flinch each time she's touched.

But she can bare it from someone like Vanessa, because she knows why there's a reason she dislikes touch. Still, Alice sees these comments as something a doctor would tell her. No doubt Dr. Wilson and his staff that to her. Many times. ]

You don't have to ask me, I will for another that has been subjected to that cruelty.

[ She spends most of her time fretting over others than herself, after all. She easily throws herself to care for others than herself. It makes it easier to overlook her own problems. ]

[Vanessa touches because she know how difficult it can be. Touch has to be relearned, that there are good ones, besides the bad. She had not been there in there long, but long enough.

She breathes, and gives a little nod.]

Well I should ask, regardless. It's the polite thing to do, even if we aren't the most polite types.

[ She almost scoffs at this.

She also would like to mention how she feels like she's losing a grip of herself, but another former psych patient doesn't need that. Alice gave up on being polite years ago; she maintains a level of it with her friends, but for the most part, she doesn't care. She tries what she can to seem normal. Alice gets back up on her feet, forcing a small smile. ]

Thank you.

[ After everything, she hates to admit that what had happened her rattled her so much. It was a short period of time she was kidnapped, not ten years. But why did it bring back those feelings? Why? ]

You'll be safe.

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1/2 - action (also tw here for vague mentions of abuse)

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