eachdraidh | video - open to both courts, backdated to the 20th

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video - open to both courts, backdated to the 20th

I need a broom.

[ Some crunching can be heard. It's late, there's not going to be much of an explanation here, other than Alice's hands look very bad, in bruises and cuts. She continues on like it's nothing. She looks up to the imp and frowns. ]

Or a dustpan. I know this is a pain without a lantern, I'm sorry. Use a handkerchief so you don't cut yourself, alright?

[ Sometimes she feels bad for this imp. Alice goes up to cleaning broken shards of glass, ever so carefully, using a basket as means to pick up pieces. With a huff, more to herself- ]

This is the last time I ever-

[ She stops, of course, to notice the locket is open and shoots a look up to the imp. ]

Don't even think about it. I'm not in the mood for this, it was an accident.

[ With a mutter, Alice's hand goes over it and the locket is promptly clamped shut. Should anyone ask, she'll shift it to voice after getting the rest of the mirror cleaned up. ]

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They already have, once.

I doubt anyone has thought to create an asylum here.

[Well, there it is. Out in the open.]

[ Sometimes Alice hates it when she's right; she says nothing, proceeding to pick up things now that the glass has been cleared. ]

I don't talk about it.

[ She admits, passing a breath. It was nice when she kept it hidden, that no one knew of it because of the stigma attached to it. Surely Vanessa knows that all too well; she feels her heart plummet because she remembers how cruel it was for women.

Especially when girls just stepping into adulthood. ]

So you say, but they are always quick to corner and isolate the ones they deem "mad". Well, I won't go back, not here. I'll stay here as long as I can. No more of it.

Why would we?

Most wouldn't understand, even if we tried to explain.

Only those experience, know.

[She pauses for a moment, then reaches over, squeezing Alice's hand.]

Then I hope you are allowed to stay. I won't return again; I am lucky to be surrounded by people who would not allow it.

Who understand my...condition.

[ Another former mental patient -- Alice still flinches at the touch, pushing her hair out of her face. She looks at her, wondering what could have happened. There may as well be a wordless exchange, here.

With a breath, since she finds herself in this conversation, maybe it's a little easier to say it to someone who knows what it's like. ]

I was in an asylum for ten years back in London. After my family died, I went into a catatonic shock. I wouldn't speak for years, so they gave me to Rutledge. It's been a year now since I was "cured".

[ As if madness was curable to begin with. ]

I've done what I could to hide it, but even the residents on Houndsditch street know who I am. Where I've been. They ridicule me for it. At least here no one knows about that.

[ Alice makes a vague gesture to the would-be mirror. ]

Or this. It's not a condition; they think themselves to be philanthropists and innovators. How many lives have they destroyed? How many more have to endure lobotomies or blood-letting? Hardly a condition. I don't like to think of it that way. I did, perhaps, but I don't. Not anymore.

I am sorry to hear about your family.

The doctors believed I was psychosexual. That my...madness was brought on by having sex.

[She scoffs, lightly. Yes, her catatonic state is often brought on by such a thing, but it has nothing to do with the act, or guilt.

It is the thing inside of her...]

I...

[She--she should try, to speak it. She is older than Alice, but for a moment, she feels younger.]

I have a thing inside me, that sometimes takes control. When it first did, that is when I was placed. They attempted to lobotomize me, but the thing [She refuses to give Amunhet her name, even as she feels the churn within her] stopped it. I mostly endured cold and water treatments. And the shaving of my head.

[She glances over at Alice.]

Your secret is safe, as I hope mine is, with you. I confess, I am sadly glad to meet someone else who has endured what I have.

Edited 2014-12-29 05:08 (UTC)

...

[ Alice sucks in a breath, softly closing her eyes. It's not surprising to hear this. In passing, she heard it, even seen it first hand what happened to the women inmates - yes, inmates - of Rutledge. All of the treatments that they thought would cure hysteria, things that gave her nightmares and had her openly crying for the other women. She lucked out, she supposes, because she had been in there for quite some time, that such a thing was never a concern with Alice. Slightly.

She made good on grabbing a knife and hid it. There's only so much someone can take and being left alone with the two pair of male orderlies was horrific enough, especially as she grew older. She just shakes her head. She almost scoffs at the notion that Vanessa something inside of her.

Alice is now shaking her head violently. ]

You don't have anything inside of you.

[ She sees it as an idea put there by a doctor or a nurse. Possibly both and a slew of staff members, using a patient as a medical lecture -- it's been her ordeal by the twin orderlies' uncle, the highest staff member of Rutledge. ]

You are not mad.

[ She doesn't know her well enough, but Alice longed to hear those words and no one had ever told her that. She was left wasted away in Rutledge, her body stunted from the abuse and neglect, thin and pale. Most of all, Alice could barely trust another after that. ]

It's none of their business.

[ Alice wouldn't breathe a word of it; she hasn't mentioned it, only vague hints of it by her insistence that her kidnap by Reynard was a cakewalk compared to Rutledge. ]

They have no reason to know and should they ridicule you, they will answer to me.

I do, actually.

I am not mad, but I have a curse.

[She speaks matter of factly. She can understand why Alice wishes to disagree. She reaches out, touching her shoulder gently.]

I doubt you are mad. I am not mad, either, in that we can agree. And I would let no one say such things about you, either.

[She manages a soft, weak smile.]

We should look after each other.

[ "I doubt you are mad."

No one has said that to her; Alice looks down at her hands momentarily, the bruises and the cuts. The thin lines from years ago on her wrists. The restraints that were once on them. It shouldn't come as a surprise that Alice seems to lightly flinch each time she's touched.

But she can bare it from someone like Vanessa, because she knows why there's a reason she dislikes touch. Still, Alice sees these comments as something a doctor would tell her. No doubt Dr. Wilson and his staff that to her. Many times. ]

You don't have to ask me, I will for another that has been subjected to that cruelty.

[ She spends most of her time fretting over others than herself, after all. She easily throws herself to care for others than herself. It makes it easier to overlook her own problems. ]

[Vanessa touches because she know how difficult it can be. Touch has to be relearned, that there are good ones, besides the bad. She had not been there in there long, but long enough.

She breathes, and gives a little nod.]

Well I should ask, regardless. It's the polite thing to do, even if we aren't the most polite types.

[ She almost scoffs at this.

She also would like to mention how she feels like she's losing a grip of herself, but another former psych patient doesn't need that. Alice gave up on being polite years ago; she maintains a level of it with her friends, but for the most part, she doesn't care. She tries what she can to seem normal. Alice gets back up on her feet, forcing a small smile. ]

Thank you.

[ After everything, she hates to admit that what had happened her rattled her so much. It was a short period of time she was kidnapped, not ten years. But why did it bring back those feelings? Why? ]

You'll be safe.

Of course.

[Vanessa almost laughs, shaking her head.]

No, I will not. And most likely, neither will you. But we can to try and stay safe.

[Perhaps harsh words, but with what is inside of her, she knows she is never truly safe. Regardless what the young girl wishes to believe.]

As safe as anyone like us can be.

[ Which is ambiguous. If she realizes, then that must mean that they won't suffer anything more heinous compared to what insane asylums have to offer. Alice is going about bandaging her hands in the meantime, with what little she has. ]

Come now, let me do that.

[Vanessa takes the fabric, and starts to work on bandaging Alice's hands gently. As if she has done this before; because she has, of course. On herself.]

I know you do not recall--but if you ever feel as if you are losing yourself, or might injure yourself in this way again, call on me.

Thank you.

[ She's not a doctor, she was a patient.

It's perfect. But after a moment's hesitation, Alice has, at last, found someone who understands. ]

Then you should know that I may take you up on that. I don't feel like myself.

[It takes a few moments, but she finishes, and then smooths her hands over Alice's, gently, before giving them back to her.]

You are more than welcome to.

I know...I know how that feels, acutely.

[ After a moment's hesitation, Alice waffles on it a little longer. She shrugs it off. ]

It will pass, I'm sure, it always does.

[ Or it will get worse -- or how could it get any worse? Years ago, the lines between reality and Wonderland had blurred so badly, she couldn't tell. She wasn't afraid of them, it was more of a nuisance to wake up to things with no recollection. ]

I'm used to it. I suppose it has only started to grow more lately. There's only so much one can do -- after a while you become accusomted to it. It only becomes bothersome when you don't remember anything.

Yes, I suppose. But still, my offer still stands.

[There is a moment of hesitation, and then, well--]

If you ever hear me utter the words 'I am not myself', though, do not attempt to assist me, personally.

Find a priest.

... Surely you jest.

[ That sounds even worse than calling a doctor. ]

I mean it in ever sense of the word, Alice.

It does not mean I have gone mad. It means something much more terrible is happening to me.

No, you are not mad.

[ And she would say the same for anyone else that came from their backgrounds. ]

But I refuse to believe in those sorts of things. Especially when others would tell me the same thing or anyone else in that asylum.

I know I am not.

And if you don't believe in such things, then that is your choice. It does not change that I may need one. It is either that, or a bullet to the heart.

[She won't let them win. She will maintain control. Or die. She is willing to take tat.]

[ Alice looks up at Vanessa, absolutely horrified. ]

A bullet- I would never.

[Well then. Alice is not the person to help her, in this.

She will have to speak to someone else.]

The I will not ask you to do such a thing. At least with your own hand.

You've suffered enough; I would never hurt you!

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