eachdraidh | Introspection | Action | Vocal Locket Outburst -- Open to All

((The first part of this post is Jack's personal record of his stay at the Unseelie Court. The second bit is action, and anyone near Loch Noa, north of the Station, can encounter Jack. Responses to his locket exclamation in the very last section of this post are also welcome.))

The Private Captain's Log of Jack Sparrow, late of the Black Pearl, now of some blighted Castle in Fairy-Land. If found, cast it into the sea. Any sea. Bugger.

June the 1st: Arrived. Rum. Feast. Met a devastating woman who lost her throne. Might be interesting -- looks to be wealthy-ish. Scary, though. Met a fellow with a rich inner life and a hatred of slavery. Met a variety of people from a land called "Panem." Electric fences. Best not to go there.

The Unseelie castle reminds a man of Shipwreck City, just without Grandmama at its black heart. Here is to hoping she didn't cross over as well, though the place would suit her.

Lots of rum.

*****

((While there are entries for June 2nd through about the 6th, they sort of trail off sideways down the pages. There are frequent mentions of "rum" and "bottle." In fact, the entry for June 4th pretty much repeats rumbottle rumbottle rumbottle ho, rumbottle rumbottle doh dee doh doh as though Jack has been composing a song. The entries cease at June the 11th, an entry for which nothing is written. Then:))

June 13ish. Maybe. There is a mooing.

June 14. Why is there a mooing? There is a mooing and a mooing. A man can't get drunk enough. Blast this castle.

June 15th. I have primed my pistol, removing Barbossa's Shot and fixing another in its place. Captain Jack Sparrow, Scourge of Caracas, Pirate Lord of the Caribbean, has a mimbling cow to shoot. The mooing transgresses every boundary between piratedom and cowdom and demands resolution, and I, Captain Jack Sparrow, shall resolve it heretoforthwith TODAY. Bovine-pirate borders must be firmed up, blast it, and broiled steaks for all to-night.

[Thus, Captain Jack Sparrow sets off to shoot the Hedley Kow.

Outside the castle, he approaches it where it passive-aggressively chews a turnip. It moos in a low, coaxing sort of way. It is a come-hither moo, but Jack is not charmed. He aims and pulls the trigger, but at that moment, the pistol vanishes.]

BUGGER!

[The beast moos again, and now his hat -- his HAT! -- takes itself from off his head and vanishes as well! Jack is left speechless as, with a final mocking moo, the Kow itself disappears.

No....no, that's not right. The Kow did not disappear. Somehow, Jack realizes, he has disappeared and reappeared Someplace Else. There is a great dark lake before him, dark even under the sun. Trees whisper in the wind. No one else appears to be near. Welcome to Loch Noa, Captain Jack Sparrow. He opens his locket, shakes it, and bellows:]

..........................Monkeytits!

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[Long, long stare at his locket. He just heard what he thinks he heard, right???]

Uh, okay. [Hiccup sounds very unsure of how to respond to this.] Did you really need to let everyone in Drabwurld hear that?

Sorry I've offended your sensibilities, my young muffin-headed lad. Its simply this: the kow has taken me off someplace lake-ish and I, very soon, shall be sending her over the moon. Savvy?

[And you can either LIKE that plan or BE ON THE WRONG SIDE, Hiccup.]

...Muffin-headed...?

[Should he take offence to that, too?]

Oh, yeah, I've heard about that. Er, not with you, but other people that have...encountered the kow. [He's absolutely not against the plan of sending it over the moon or whatever, but. This is still very confusing.] Uhm. Yeah. ..."Savvy". By all means, if you can figure out how to do it, I won't stop you.

[Just pls don't shout "monkeytits" over the network, it nearly gave him a heart attack.]

That's the trouble, though, lad. [He's warming up to you now, Hiccup.] That's the trouble. She's not here. I can't send over the moon -- over ANY moon -- a cow that is not here and present and accounted for.

Going to have to trap her.

Right. Right, that makes s--

[--Wait. Trap it? That makes less sense. Hiccup makes a face and tilts his head in question.]

Trap her. Is that possible? It sounds kind of...not. [But he's not entirely close-minded to the idea!!] Do you at least have an idea of how?

It involves you, a net, a pail, a bugle, and a very large slice of orange cake.

[For science.]

What's your name?

[...What?]

M-me?! Why is it going to involve me? [Or any of those other things, actually. The net makes sense, at least...]

...Hiccup. My name's Hiccup.

[Regarding you very warily now, Jack. Starting to think you're a madman...]

[It's going to involve you because you are quite obviously eminently useful, Hiccup.]

Try a glass of water. Helps, sometimes. Drink it upside down whilst humming "And All The Hens Came Home Merrily."

[Him? Useful? No, that's okay, he doesn't particularly like being useful to crazy people...]

Wh... What? [Just blinking dumbly. Until it clicks.]

N-- No! What?! That's my name. Hiccup is my name, not a problem I'm dealing with!

So it were your mother's problem, then. [He manages to say that with a great deal of sympathy.] Poor woman.

I... I'm...

[...At a complete loss. That doesn't even make any sense!!]

...I don't think it was her problem, either. It's not a problem to begin with--it's just my name!

[Stupid a name as it is.]

Shhhhh, lad. Don't. You've got to take that name and do splendid things with it! Add on a few things to it. Honorifics. Something sinister or doctorly. Scholarly. Oh! Or the cloth! You might impress any number of ladies that way.

"Hiccup Something Something, Reverend of Darkness." What's your last name?

I'm not really worried about impressing any ladies...

[OKAY NOT ENTIRELY TRUE, but. He's really doubting your method here, Jack.]

"Reverend of Darkness"? Who would even believe that? And what does it even mean? [Side-eyeing the heck out of you, sir. ...Then some hesitation at that question.]

...Haddock. Which makes my full name "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third". I don't think there's anything anyone can come up with to make that sound any better.

Haddock.

[No. No. Say it ain't so.]

And there's been three of you.

Yep.

[He sounds just as unimpressed.]

Don't ask me why. I have no idea. Vikings are bad at naming things, and my family sort of takes the cake.

But you are a Viking, and that means somethin', lad. A man of the sea, you. Fierce and proud. [He is trying to be reassuring.] We shall soon enough make you famous with the ladies.

Er, yeah, or something like that...

[He's not exactly much of a viking. Certainly far from fierce. The words of praise are just a tiny bit difficult for him to really accept.

Besides, it's that last part that really spooks him.]

Wait, what? Since when were we making me famous with ladies? I thought we were talking about dealing with that cow-thing-whatever it is!

JUST the thing to make you famous! Young Haddock the Cow-Tackler! A much better name. They'll all swoon.

Introspection | Action | Vocal Locket Outburst -- Open to All

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