eachdraidh | video - unseelie locked;

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[ Alice has been trying to draw in her sketchpad for a while now and it's clear from how wrinkled the piece of paper is, that she's tried to draw on it to no avail. It's been erased numerous times. Right beside her are her imp and her rabbit, as always. She's been quiet at the villa, she's locked herself up acting stranger than before. ]

How funny it is when the mind brings so many images and memories that it cannot even transfer onto a sheet of paper. I know what I see, but it cannot go through my fingertips and onto my paper, unlike so many times before.

[ By the tone of her voice, she means more than that. Guarded as ever, Alice will not say what it is, other than she reluctantly places her pencil down on the paper. Art blocks are terrible, and they're more terrible than before. ]

I am sorry... for my absence. Please don't think of me as silly, but I lost a good companion of my mine. My mare. My horse. I took her in after my first battle, when her owner had fallen. I loved her dearly, she was my friend, too, as much as anyone else I know here.

[ Alice says this while trying not to cry. ]

I loathe to think of another animal as a replacement, but seeing as it is a necessity, I have no other choice. She had fallen in battle when I separated from the others.

[ When she went on her rampage after the Jabberwock, though she's not going to say that. Alice just rubs her rabbit's ears instead while looking at her blank paper. ]

I can try and buy one, if needed, if anyone wants to humor me. I know this is a silly request after everything that has happened -- selfish, even. I think it might be best if I left, for a small while, so I can clear my head and be useful again. No good comes of being a shut-in.

[ After all, ever since she came back, she's been acting stranger and much more distant than before. There is more here that she wants to say; she struggles with saying it. ]

I, well- never mind that. Please be well, all of you.

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Take all the time you need, Alice. I will be here for you when you feel like you can surface once more.

[She, out of all people, understands.]

[ She switches it to private immediately because she has to ask- ]

What do you do to feel whole again?

You will not like my answer, Alice.

For I have never felt whole.

I suppose not, no, but not on the account of my welfare, only for yours.

Don't worry about me.

I'll be fine. I'm more concerned about you. And the best I can say? Is fine an anchor. A thought, a person. Find it, and hold it close.

[ Will she? After all of that? Alice almost wants to ask if she's having other issues. But she won't press. ]

An anchor?

[ Vanessa has pretty good timing with suggesting that. ]

I have someone now. I don't know if that will help with hallucinations, however. He's a good distraction, I'll admit that much.

...someone?

Do I know them?

[She would rather focus on Alice, than herself. It is so much easier.]

Distractions are good. They can help settle you. If you are happy around him...that is what matters.

Ah. [ And then Alice falls into a flustered silence. ]

Well, you have, more than likely. His name is Sir Lancelot. They call him the "Knightslayer" here.

[ Please don't ask about the technicalities, Alice is still fumbling through them. ]

I'm very happy around him -- were friends for quite sometime, and now- oh, I know that what I'm doing would be considered very unladylike and improper for a courtship.

I don't think I've spoken to him, actually.

[She has been busy and not always keeping up with everyone.]

I am not one to tell you what is or isn't ladylike. My own relationship is far from it. As long as you are happy, you should ignore what society says. They are usually wrong.

I don't think he's been in Caer Scima for some time, but I could be mistaken. He can be a little odd.

[ Very odd, not that Alice has cared. ]

Well- no, you're right. I've always thought the idea of being debuted and showcased around like a doll was absurd. The same went for my sister when she was alive. Although I worry about it time to time. I haven't had any friends until I came here and now... well.

We are all a bit odd in our own way, aren't we? There is nothing wrong with that. Most peopl are better for it, I think.

I never experienced anything like that.

My...

...my history with relationships is far from good. But it is easier here, without such rules.

This is my first one.

[ She doesn't carry a voice of disdain when she says "relationships"; it would be considered deplorable to most in their time and country, but not for Alice. She could really never understand why it was a problem. People married for business, not for love.

And just when she was just brushing off the idea of a relationship. She feels like a child, again. ]

And it is, isn't it? My sister would come back in a huff when she met with suitors. They even looked down at her for speaking her mind. Lizzie couldn't even flirt -- she said they had all these ridiculous rules with fans and she couldn't even look at them in the eye. How can something so important be so restrictive?

I never experienced any of that.

[Her voice becomes quieter, suddenly.]

It is a silly thing. And tends to lead to disaster and unhappy marriages, in the end. It doesn't breed honesty.

Really?

[ As much as it was painted to be needed by society, all of that sounds like a pain. She even remembers her sister saying something along the lines of there was even code of conducts with fans. But it's been so long. ]

From the way it upset my sister so, it doesn't sound like you've missed much. Mama always called her a "shrew", because she always had a mind of her own. I never understood why it was a bad thing to think that way.

How couldn't you be the way you wanted to be? It isn't very honest, no. It sounds like misery.

You have to understand--most of my childhood was spent only with one other family, by the sea. We never saw society, truly. I was a wild creature, more inclined to taxidermy than any ideas of love and marriage.

[Vanessa sighs.]

I would rather not speak on me, right now. I would rather focus on you. Please, Alice. It would make me happy.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.

[ She starts to fret that she may have said something wrong, so she decides to be honest. ]

I lost my sister when I was very young and I looked to her for these things.

It's fine, Alice. I...

...my life is complicated. It has nothing to do with you.

I would like you to look to me, if you wished. I do not know if I could give you as good of advice, but I would try.

You and I are not that very different sometimes, you know. You don't have to be alone.

[ Her upbringing was so different. She finds herself latching onto how she described living far away from society. She was sheltered up until the loss of her family. Her father wanted to protect them. ]

If only that you are fine with it. I don't like the concept of what's considered to be a lady. I've talked to Miss Grell about these things, sometimes and I think she's a lady.

[ Obviously Grell has long hair that she never pulls back and she wears pants. ] I suppose all of this had me thinking of my older sister, is all.

No we are not; I have always considered us fellow souls.

[She chuckles, softly.]

I am fond of Grell, as well. I think she is a good person to speak with. But yes, I am more than fine with it. I would not have mentioned it, otherwise.

I as well.

[ Besides, it's a rarity that she finds a fellow former patient of an asylum that is so coherent. ]

She's very brilliant! It's one of those things I may fret over, but... I'm glad, Miss Vanessa.

She is, I very much agree.

And Alice, please, call me Vanessa. There is no need for formalities, between us.

Of course, I apologize.

[ It's a bad force of habit by now. ]

You don't need to apologize to me, darling. Come now.

It's a force of habit that I keep slipping back into!

Well I will never blame you for it. I understand. People are so casual, here.

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