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[falconkick]

Hey, uh. Network. My name's Sam, for those of you I haven't gotten the chance to meet yet.

[ a small smile and a lift of his chin that both say he might genuinely like that chance to meet everyone everywhere at some point. but he's here with something serious today, so he moves right along. ]

I wanted to tell y'all something I like to keep in mind from day to day, but especially on days like the last dozen or so. I'm retired military - Air National Guard pararescue, for any of you that are familiar - but I enlisted a long time ago. Don't ask for a number, a man's gotta keep some secrets.

[ feelin' your age, wilson? his cheeky smile is short lived. ]

When I went to basic, I wasn't exactly itching for a fight, so I wasn't with the other greenies that were disappointed when we started with folding our own bed sheets. My ma raised me right, and the first time I picked up a gun, it was with all due respect to the power they were putting in my hands. I didn't wanna let all that go to my head and forget the responsibility that comes with carrying arms.

[ he purses his lips for a quiet beat, inhales shortly before continuing. ]

Wish I could say the same for the first time I shot a man. My country went to war right after I was accepted into the PJs, and when it was down to me or him, I chose him. Just - [ he makes a small pew gunshot sound, glum; ] - and that was that. I wasn't scared and I didn't feel guilty about it - and that was what stuck with me. I asked my unit, my CO, anyone that would listen. No one could tell me whether or not I was supposed to feel good about killing the "bad guys".

[ another moment's silence - half to find his next words, half out of respect for the dead. he scrubs a hand over his head. ]

Still don't really have an answer, and like I said, it's been a long time. Some days I think I might be close, and other days I ask myself "man, who do you think you're kidding?" Thing of it is - whether or not you think it's for the right reasons, taking someone else's life isn't easy, and it shouldn't be. That kinda thing stains your hands, and then you gotta decide how to live with it. For me, at least, some days are easier than others. And on the days when it's not, I keep looking for an answer.

[ finally, he gives a small, weary smile. the point of this whole thing: trying to get people to talk about it so they don't bottle it in. sam knows where he stands, and it's at the door, trying to open it for others. ]

If you've got any ideas, please, I'd love to hear 'em. Maybe we can trade a few around, see if we can't come up with something new. Either way, today's a good day.

[ dead tired, quiet, but sam still says it with a smile before signing off. ]

Comments

[gordianknots]

You've got an advantage on many people though who haven't even thought of being this up close and personal in a war. Honestly, I'd be expecting people to start to look for you in learning to deal with all the aftermath of...forgive me the bluntness but I'm going to call the past month a massive clusterfuck.

[falconkick]

[ can the voice to text function capture laughter? it should be able to capture laughter. ]

I'm a soldier, man. Calling it a clusterfuck is Sunday school preaching. This place is seriously messed up in a whole lot of ways. If there's anything I can do to help people navigate their way through it, I'd be more than happy to try.

[gordianknots]

I'm a university professor, and sometimes it's really not a great idea to swear during lectures or formal presentations, no matter how tempted you are.

Also, understatement with how messy this place is. You've got a massive heart to try and help people go through it all though. I don't know how many people really know what PTSD is around here, and I don't doubt that now, many folks need that navigation assist.

[falconkick]

Most people don't even really know what PTSD is back home, if we're being honest. Almost makes me wish I had some of my materials here with me but I know nobody actually reads that shit when I give it to them. You probably know all about that, being a professor.

[ fond career slamming! ]

But it's a worth a shot to try anyway. I've already been given the nickname Care Bear, I might as well go all the way with earning it. I'm too new to the Drabwurld to feel comfortable playing like I know anything about anything but if I'm gonna be here awhile like everyone says, I've got plenty of time to start learning what's out there.

[gordianknots]

Oh, all too well. I have to hammer the paperwork on them, otherwise lab time with chemicals gets real disastrous real fast. But before I get into teaching horror stories, I guess the real point is that at least the word exists, and it can be used to help people get even a remote handle on what they're going through.

I think that if you do go through this, you'd be doing everyone a great service. Not just shardbearers, but the natives too that've marched along side both the Seelie and Unseelie.

And if you need questions answered, I'm happy to field them. The Drabwurld's got a nasty habit of surprising you once you think you've got everything figured out, but something to go on is better than winging it blind.

[falconkick]

I really appreciate that, man, I'll probably end up leaning on you a time or two. Am I gonna have to call ahead to get in on your office hours?

[gordianknots]

Well, if you want to talk in person, I run a coffee shop that's open from 8-8.

[falconkick]

Coffee. Sweet mother of Jesus, why did no one tell me there's coffee here? Y'all have been holding out on me. Point me in a direction and I will seriously run there.

[gordianknots]

Well, I guess that war going on prevented it from reaching your ears.

We're down south, past Treun. Best bet is the Shipyard Ring, and then follow along the coast. The place is called the Barrel. We've got a library too.

[falconkick]

Forget the war, a man'a gotta have priorities. A strong brew and a good book sounds like Heaven after all this.

[gordianknots]

In that case, I very eagerly await your visit.