eachdraidh | oo1 ⊕ video ⊕ both courts

Hey, uh. Network. My name's Sam, for those of you I haven't gotten the chance to meet yet.

[ a small smile and a lift of his chin that both say he might genuinely like that chance to meet everyone everywhere at some point. but he's here with something serious today, so he moves right along. ]

I wanted to tell y'all something I like to keep in mind from day to day, but especially on days like the last dozen or so. I'm retired military - Air National Guard pararescue, for any of you that are familiar - but I enlisted a long time ago. Don't ask for a number, a man's gotta keep some secrets.

[ feelin' your age, wilson? his cheeky smile is short lived. ]

When I went to basic, I wasn't exactly itching for a fight, so I wasn't with the other greenies that were disappointed when we started with folding our own bed sheets. My ma raised me right, and the first time I picked up a gun, it was with all due respect to the power they were putting in my hands. I didn't wanna let all that go to my head and forget the responsibility that comes with carrying arms.

[ he purses his lips for a quiet beat, inhales shortly before continuing. ]

Wish I could say the same for the first time I shot a man. My country went to war right after I was accepted into the PJs, and when it was down to me or him, I chose him. Just - [ he makes a small pew gunshot sound, glum; ] - and that was that. I wasn't scared and I didn't feel guilty about it - and that was what stuck with me. I asked my unit, my CO, anyone that would listen. No one could tell me whether or not I was supposed to feel good about killing the "bad guys".

[ another moment's silence - half to find his next words, half out of respect for the dead. he scrubs a hand over his head. ]

Still don't really have an answer, and like I said, it's been a long time. Some days I think I might be close, and other days I ask myself "man, who do you think you're kidding?" Thing of it is - whether or not you think it's for the right reasons, taking someone else's life isn't easy, and it shouldn't be. That kinda thing stains your hands, and then you gotta decide how to live with it. For me, at least, some days are easier than others. And on the days when it's not, I keep looking for an answer.

[ finally, he gives a small, weary smile. the point of this whole thing: trying to get people to talk about it so they don't bottle it in. sam knows where he stands, and it's at the door, trying to open it for others. ]

If you've got any ideas, please, I'd love to hear 'em. Maybe we can trade a few around, see if we can't come up with something new. Either way, today's a good day.

[ dead tired, quiet, but sam still says it with a smile before signing off. ]

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[ ... wow, his words hit far too close to home for Johnny to be entirely comfortable, but he says it like it is. Johnny doesn't know if he'd killed anyone -- in the chaos, it's impossible to know, but he tried not to. He'd hurt so many, and perhaps a good number of them even grievously.

And now that it's all over and there's a reprieve for him to actually slow down, Johnny Storm doesn't like the thoughts that come to him, the images that come back and haunt him. The dying, the anger. The fear. It's difficult days, with even harder nights.

He sighs, before he turns on the video. He doesn't want to talk about that -- he's a superhero, right? He ought to have it under control. Thing is, he has no idea how to do it. He's smiling, but he doesn't quite feel it. ] Coming up with a help group, Wilson?

[ smiling is usually the first line of defense when it comes to ills that don't bruise or scab but fester somewhere deeper beneath the skin. sam's used to it - and he's not entirely fooled by it. but he'll play ball. ]

I might just, man. I'd probably turn out better numbers here than in DC.

[ it's still morbid humor; there's like, a concentrated number of people that need help here, simply by virtue of living under these circumstances. sam would host a hundred thousand support groups if they wanted it. ]

Yeah, how about that.

[ It's morbid humor, but it's what they've got, right? That, a bottle, and other people's problems. Johnny isn't entire sure how to broach it, isn't sure that he should, so he opts for distraction, instead.

And, well, it really helps that he's genuinely curious about Sam. ] You sound like you've done this a lot.

[ it's a good avenue, and exactly why sam prompted this with his own story. asking about him is easier than talking about yourself; sam's job is trying to lead them both down the right path from there. ]

It's been a few years since my career change, yeah, and I've never regretted it for a second. Not to toot my own horn, but I've seen a lotta people stand a little taller walkin' out of my office.

[ asking about him is definitely easier than talking about himself -- even for a narcissist like johnny storm. it's better. ]

Your office? You're a shrink? [ whoa, there. he doesn't need a shrink!!! (he likes sam, but shrink............. he dated one, and it wasn't pretty when it ended.) ]

Technically, my job title is "Readjustment Counseling Therapist", but I guess shrink is a little easier to say.

[ he doesn't take offense to the automatic alarm. he's had a long time to get used to a wide variety of responses to what he does and how he does it; sam's patience is tried and proven. he'll let johnny decide what that means to him. ]

[ Oh -- for the vets. Johnny doesn't quite know how to feel about it. ]

You're not going to tie anything I say to issues with my mom or my dad, right...?

[ Because that's as far as he was exposed re: the whole head-shrinking thing. But wait. ] I mean, if I say anything.

[ it's a common enough misconception for sam to laugh just a little. ]

Only if you tell me that your mom or dad have something to do with something. Psychoanalyzing doesn't work for everyone. My general approach is more about just - talking to people.

[ at least at first. especially now that he's not actually a psychiatrist, but just a fellow foot soldier looking out for his people. ]

[ This time, Johnny's laughs with him -- Sam is a very easy person to like, and he visibly relaxes. He pauses, more contemplative now as he mulls over Sam's comments. ]

War's different. [ He says with a lightness he doesn't feel; it's like something very small and very dark crawled inside and refused to come out. It feels embarrassing, admitting what he says next: ] I didn't think it'd be like this.

[ sam keeps his tone and expression both light, relaxed - conversational. taking it easy, because johnny's reluctance isn't a rare or abnormal thing. ]

We grow up surrounded by the idea of war in books and movies. Even reading factual accounts of the worst in our world only really gives us an idea. But facing the real thing?

[ he gives a quiet huff of air, a small pft. ]

Can't teach that in school.

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