eachdraidh | 2 ☼ video / open to both courts

Entry tags:

2 ☼ video / open to both courts

[ zuko is not going to tearbend. ]

[ he may have found toph's shard, tucked safely away where no one, not even reynard, would be able to steal it, and her metal bracelet, worn around his thin wrist, but he will not tearbend. he knows what it means. toph never abandons him, not even when he's annoyed her until she starts calling him sparky just to see him grit his teeth and steam pour from his ears. toph's the one thing in drabwurld that actually stayed — and it's his fault she's gone. even though it's completely and utterly irrational, guilt eats away at him for leaving her alone, believing his own treachery to the unseelie court would only require him to complete a personal quest to see to it his honour is restored. but toph's gone — save for her metal bracelet, the one he never really had seen her take off. had they stripped her of that before they'd taken her, too? he doesn't plan on keeping her bracelet, determined to give it back to her once he finds her again. but it's better to be worn on his person than to be left in his suite, the imps' feet running closer and closer to his door with each passing day he lingers in drabwurld — either at the station or in caer scima. ]

[ his expression is a permanent scowl. two imps can be seen running from him outside the castle of caer scima, their behinds burnt and some of their hair still caught aflame. they keep shouting we don't know where toph is!, but it only seems to make zuko angrier, hands balling into tight fists. in toph's honour, he sends a blast of fire along the grass, slithering quickly toward them like a serpent, to see to it they shriek and jump high into the air. ]

Toph's gone. The imps didn't take her, but I don't believe them.

[ he's not sure what to even believe anymore. he can barely believe in himself, and that's already a can of worms he's trying to shove the lid back on. ]

[ petulantly, he utters, ] Whatever. [ it's not like it matters; he doesn't even know if anyone outside of those in the unseelie even know toph. do they just think he's saying tough? she'd laugh at that; he grits his teeth. anyone would find their life was made ten times better just by her being around. they'd arrived in drabwurld together, they were meant to leave together. ]

[ it appears as though he's about to blast a tree, or even his own locket, held as though another is merely directing it, but he doesn't. much louder, ] I hate this place.

[ and he leans forward to grab his locket and tosses it as far as he can, shooting a thick burst of flame at it as the imp that had been recording him scampers away, its body seen blurred by the camera tumbling into darkness. ]

[ for anyone at caer scima, zuko's in the bailey, sitting against a willow tree, sulking. either he wears his frown, arms crossed against his chest, or he's looking at his locket, as if contemplating burning it until it's ash, even though it seems almost indestructible against his fire. if toph were here ... well, she's not. and he's not chasing any imps or playing practical jokes (nor is he going to the feast later today to do such a thing) on anyone because of that very reason. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( perhaps someday cassie will explain to him the simplicity behind how a gentle human touch at just the right moment can be healing. just the faintest reminder that someone else is with you, that you aren't alone. but today isn't that day. the timing is all wrong, in a lot of ways. another time.

her eyes fix on the grass beneath his fingers as he plucks it from the earth. he's a wreck, but he's managing not to succumb to it. cassie drops one of her hands to the grass and presses her hand firmly on the ground. flower, flower, flower. the patch where he'd been ripping up grass sprouts lilies, stems and buds and blooms all happening in a matter of moments. maybe it'll cheer him up. )

No it's not. Just because this place isn't the best doesn't mean it's wrong for you to feel like that about your friend. She's your friend. You miss her, not the fact that she was trapped.

[ but he misses her being trapped with him. isn't that just as bad? ]

[ it isn't as black and white as he wishes to see it as. in a way, zuko wishes to portray himself as the villain in this particular chapter, wishing for toph, a girl who has such an incredible future to reap the benefits of, back with him in this place of loneliness and isolation. he isn't good company; she flourishes in the presence of sokka, teasing katara, and messing around with aang. he's merely a dead weight for her, dragging her down when she only wishes to be soaring within the clouds on her rocks. ]

[ still, he wishes she was back. this place is a little less fun without her. ]

[ his voice is still quiet, but there's a hidden warmth in there, despite all the sadness he wishes to feel and cause him to remain mute. ] She gets to go back to her school. That's kind of cool. She's teaching these lilly livers how to metalbend. She's the only earthbender who knows how to! [ a fact he will never, ever stop sounding proud of. he'll mention it every time he gets, simply because toph isn't here to do so. ] I don't think I get to see her a lot. [ fire lord duties sort of take one way from their friends. ] It just … I ruined something for her back home. I wanted to make it up to her here.

[ she'd always wanted a life-changing field trip with him. though, he suspects he still would've let her down in that department, all things considered, she'd get more from what awaits for her at home than what lingers within the drabwurld, lost without her. ]

And eventually, you'll get to go back, and she'll still be there, too. It sucks that she's not here to keep you company, but you'll see her again. Seriously, there has to be an end to this at some point. ( she nudges him with her elbow, trying not to be too serious or too lighthearted. she just wants him to feel better. that would be best. )

What did you ruin for her? You really don't seem like you're that bad a guy...

[ he used to be the bad guy until he realised he was just a puppet for ozai to do his bidding. if she hadn't asked what he ruined for toph, he'd tell her he is the bad guy. still. the hardest person on zuko isn't his father but himself. ]

I ruined her life-changing field trip with me. [ he sighs it out. it'd embarrassed him silly she'd called it as much, stating his trips in assisting his newly found friends had been life-changing when he thought it was simply what someone who wished to atone would do. wouldn't anyone try and avenge katara's mother? wouldn't anyone try and use the knowledge only they have about the man who had thieved sokka and katara's mother from them? wouldn't anyone break into a high security prison situated on a volcanic island to save their friend's father? wouldn't anyone purposefully get themselves thrown into a freezer if only to unscrew it so they could sail upon hot waters to the shore? wouldn't anyone try and teach their friend the true art of firebending by dancing like an idiot with some dragons? ]

[ he thinks the answer is pretty obvious. ]

She never told me if she ever got it with ... future me. [ but he hopes she does — even though he doesn't really believe anything with him is life-changing. if anything, he experienced life-changing field trips with them. ] I guess she didn't. She would've rubbed it in my face if she did. She's annoying like that.

( cassie isn't sure how one person can single-handedly ruin a "life changing fieldtrip" if it was specifically for the two of them anyway, but... zuko, she has determined, is always a glass-half-empty type, self-deprecating and not in a funny way. what must he have been through to think so little of himself? )

How?

( she wrinkles her nose, because if he's talking about at home... how can he know that? he talks about future him, and about future toph, and their future plans. but those are things that haven't happened, things he can probably still change. it's a reasonable assumption that he could. ) Maybe she just hasn't lived it yet, Zuko. Maybe it's her future still, too. You can't always assume the worst.

[ zuko can only assume how he did. it's a quiet and self-deprecating confession, ] I didn't change her life. [ hence the title of life-changing field trip. it's all toph's doing, naming hanging out with him and almost dying or being imprisoned for the rest of his life as a life-changing field trip people go on, like they're going to ember island for a holiday. it puts too much pressure on him, but he supposes it's only fair. he did burn her feet. ]

But she was ahead of me! [ which sounds weird to him, but he thinks very little of it right now. ] I'm Fire Lord. A proper one. [ or one that has been in power for more than a few days where he fumbled with even that title. but his hands remain clenched in front of him, best to be before him than in his hair. ] There's going to be less time for me to make it up to her.

( there are so many things about zuko's demeanor that bother cassie. she could grab him by the shoulders and shake him, but that wouldn't solve anything. "I didn't change her life". her face screws into some incomprehensible mixup of confusion and distaste. she may not know him well, but she's getting to the point where she knows enough on the fringes that she can say for a fact that he's the type of person who changes someone's life simply by being in it. she doesn't interrupt, and she lets him complete the rest of his thoughts as she forms her own reply. )

But you did. ( she purses her lips quietly for a moment or two, trying to decide how she wants to elaborate. does she wax poetic about how everyone in a person's life has changed it? no, that would make him feel insignificant. instead, she'll focus on the details she knows about him specifically. ) You're a Fire Lord. That means you did something in your life that changed everything, right? So it stands to reason that you changed her life, too. Besides. Even if you weren't, you're not the type of person who meets someone and doesn't change their life, just by existing.

[ truth be told, he doesn't think it's very fair he's had this placed on his shoulders. i want a life-changing field trip with zuko! the trips he'd went on with the individual components that make team avatar work had just been trips — it'd been the right thing to do, helping aang learn the origin and meaning of firebending (as he learned a thing or two he hadn't ever dreamed of, too) and going with katara to gain revenge for her mother, but, in truth, he'd learned that vengeance wasn't the right answer, nor was violence, as forgiveness was a lot stronger than an eye for an eye, and rescuing suki and sokka's father had been the right thing to do. he'd learned he wasn't as alone as he thought himself to be — and he had only been proven right about mai being better than anyone else he knew with how she had defended him when he truly gave her no reason to. ]

[ but did he really do something to change everything? he was heir to the throne, the firstborn — but why ozai hadn't tossed him from the line of succession when he felt such contempt for him was beyond zuko. still, he hasn't spent as much time with toph, despite always seeming to sidle up near her more than the others. with his hand carding through his hair, he isn't so sure if he agrees. how can he change another's life by existing? he'd been lucky to be born — anyone who met azula was lucky to survive her. ]

[ with his head bowed, his voice is quiet, ] It'd just be nice if she was here. It'd be nice if they all were.

( she watches the way he cycles through his different thoughts, and his feelings. she sees him now as a puzzle, as someone she wants to learn and figure out. he's complicated; there's no question there. she wonders what they might have in common. the defeated sadness that overtakes him toward the end tugs at her heartstrings. cassie reaches over and places a hand on his shoulder gently. her voice is just as soft as the touch. )

I know. And I know what that's like. I'm sorry.

( and what else can she say? what else can she do but sit beside him until he's ready to move on to the next thing, to pick himself up and get on with things? she really can't. they've talked all they can talk, she thinks. she drops her hand and folds her arms around herself. maybe just knowing someone's there will be enough for him, for now. )

[ where it may be expected he'd glance at her hand on his shoulder, he doesn't. his head simply remains bowed. losing people isn't new for him, but being able to properly mourn for them, to even be given the chance to talk about them, is. he hadn't ever had the opportunity to do so when he believed his mother to abandon him, dying sometime throughout the years as he never understood why she never came back for him. keeping it locked within himself, the sadness has only morphed into anger, short-tempered and hot, as he often takes to pushing too many people away as he fears losing them. ]

[ a part of him feels as though he should've held onto toph harder. but he knows loss is inevitable. people always leave him, but whether or not they come back has always been up to them. ]

[ it's enough for now; he finds he doesn't have anything more to say, destructive or mournful, as he simply leans against the tree and stays quiet. ]

( cassie doesn't try to speak anymore. she doesn't try to do anything but exist near him, as a source of comfort. the day wanes, as days are wont to do, but she remains until he is finished and ready to part ways. the last thing a person in his position needs is to feel a further accented loneliness by being completely isolated. she's been there. but when the time comes, she retires to her room without fuss. she'll check on him again soon. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

2 ☼ video / open to both courts

action.

action.

action. it's been 84 years and i can still smell the fresh post

action. that's called vegemite.

action. uhhhhhh.....

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action. i think this is a good stopping point for this one, 90 years later?