video » (unseelie locked)

[halfdressed]

[ The room is pink. Pink, gold, and are those fluffy, clever bunnies-the-size-of-imps running around adjusting the statues? Might be. ]

Hey! Goddess of Love speaking! Pay attention. [ She's curvaceous, tall, and dressed in enough chiffon that you'd think physics would keep her covered up, and yet. ] Hi-iiii. My name is Aphrodite, you might know me by a bunch of other things.

Obviously this place is like Ares's wet dream with all the war biz going on, but that's not my jam. Love would be the name of my game. Problem is, I don't have anywhere for mortals to leave messages for me when I'm busy and I am so not answering calls for help on this locket indefinitely because, uh, I have a life, so here's the deal; build me a temple near the edge of Dorchadas and I'll give you a freebie. That babe you've had your eye on? I'll make them fall in love with you! Are you ugly as a toad? I'll give you a permanent make-over! This is a one-time thing because I'm feeling generous ... and clearly don't have any offerings coming in, ugh. Speaking of, if you want to leave cute shoes as a gift, I'm a size six.

So yeah! Get in touch.

Comments

video;

[halfdressed]

Yeah? Then it fits your humblebrag come-on.

video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

What about that was humble at all? That was full on me being awesome and having an awesome life.

Humblebragging. Pft. The only thing even slightly humble about me is uh....how much I actually have faults. Which is never so I guess that's like my faults are humble in design.

video;

[halfdressed]

Nice try. We're not getting it on, but I can help you get laid if you're in the mood to help me out on the shrine-front.

video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

Sterling Archer doesn't need help getting laid. Sterling Archer wants to bang certain goddess but will settle with Sirens or something if I have to.

video;

[halfdressed]

Sterling Archer can do a certain goddess a temple-centric favour if he wants those sex-mad sirens in the nearest stream to jump his bones.

video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

Yeah. I would totally go for that threat if the Outsider wasn't my absolute bro. Which he is. He's got my back. You're gonna have to give me more if you want a temple.

video;

[halfdressed]

The fish god? Hah! [ Wow, that gets a laugh barking free. ] Okay, whatever. Side with your bro and don't get hot tireless babes plastered all over you, I'm sure that's going to feel real satisfying in hindsight later when you're munching on a trout together.

video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

That's not the only fishy thing I'll be munching on!

Whiiiiiiiiich is actually kind of gross to say now that I think about it.

video;

[halfdressed]

Hey, if you've got a thing for him ...

[ THE WAGGLIEST BROWS, eyyyyyy. ]

How d'you feel about being a merman?

video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

I'm pretty sure he's like...ethereal or something. Like Jesus but more whaley. Whale Jesus.

And is that some kind of homo statement or a legitimate question.

video;

[halfdressed]

Give me a call if you ever want to bang the ethereal whale god, Sterling. We're done here.

video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

What? What? You can't leave it like that! What is this, some crappy season finale??

video;

[halfdressed]

Bye, Sterling!

[ Sheeee is going to turn around in her room and drop the top half of her robes, a casual gesture to the locket on a desk turning it off as she begins to peel her panties off her hips.

CLIFFHANGER FINALE!! ]