eachdraidh | Voice | Unseelie Lockets

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Voice | Unseelie Lockets | All H. Compasses

[Late in the evening of the 14th day of May, Wan's voice comes over the networks very briefly. It is haggard, quiet, almost dead sounding. It sat at the edge of being numb to everything.]

I'm sorry.

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...monsieur?

[She recognizes the voice. Recognizes teasing him, recognizes it from their discussions in the past year. But he sounds so very sad and it doesn't take long to realize why.]

You should not feel as though you have failed. Not alone.

[Wan heaved a sigh. He'd had this conversation already. With everyone that had answered. He wasn't looking for reassurance or sympathy... well, maybe sympathy. He'd like that if it didn't come with the insistence that he didn't have a hand in what had happened.]

I did fail. Because of what I did, Mount Verla is gone. The responsibility is mine.

[She doesn't know enough. Not really. Not enough to reassure him beyond the shadow of a doubt that it wasn't him.]

I believe many feel that way. Many share the responsibility. You were not alone, correct?

[She purses her lips. Thinks.]

Then ask forgiveness and learn.

The only ones that can forgive me have already begun walking to their deaths. Verla was all they cared about keeping. The others came because I asked them to. The idea was mine. Making sure they were strong enough was on my shoulders. I failed them, too.

[Another sigh and the exhaustion became more obvious in his voice.]

I know that if I hadn't tried anything, the mountain would have been swallowed by the void in the next couple weeks. But I don't think that absolves me of the responsibility for how things ended. I should have thought it through more.

[Lia can't reach out physically. It is mostly what she knows, mostly how she knows to comfort but she certainly hopes someone takes that in hand. A commander fails on a mission when the mission fails. Even if he does everything right. She knows that.]

Sometimes forgiveness must come from ourselves. You tried. You did better than to stand aside and allow the world to be cruel. It is not absolution but it is something.

I don't think I can forgive myself. I can live with myself and my choices. I can accept my actions. But forgiveness... that isn't mine to give. And I'm not looking to be forgiven.

[He was apologizing because he needed to. To get it out there to those that would listen that he was genuinely sorry for his failure. But he wasn't asking to be forgiven for that failure. He wasn't looking for absolution. This was not the first failure of his that had resulted in the loss of lives despite him doing all he could to stop it.

That was actually what made it harder. He'd been through this before. With Jaya and the other humans from the Lion Turtle. He'd grown in power since then. Had it been his world, he could have stopped the tragedy that was the Pyrii's death march. But being dragged to the drabwurld had stripped him of much of that power. It was a backslide for him.

It hurt.]

I don't know when they'll reach the void. They were out of my sight by the time I woke up. It won't be long. A few days maybe if they walk at the same pace as a human.

[He had chosen not to follow and watch. He didn't need to see their death to know it would happen.]

Everyone needs to be forgiven. To be able to forgive from the divine.

[But she understands. It's too new, too raw. She can't simply tell him to let it go because it is happening, even now, and he is in pain.

Nor can she tell him things happen for a reason. She is not certain they do, and besides he would only say the reason was his failing.]

I am so very sorry, monsieur. You shoulder such a heavy burden.

I can bear it. You don't have to be sorry for me. I'll be fine.

[Eventually.]

You were very kind to me. I believe I can be sorry for you. That you must feel as such. That you must suffer.

[Sorry for him. Sorry for everyone. Sorry for the mountain and the Pyrii and the loss of everything. But she can offer precious little.]

I will be certain to say a prayer for you.

I-

[There was a sigh. One of acceptance.]

Thank you.

[He did not follow her religion, but he respected it. As he respected most that he had encountered in his time in the Drabwurld. If she wished to pray for him, he would not ask that she not.]

If you need someone to speak with...

[She hates this feeling of helplessness.]

I am not your enemy despite what this world would have us be. I only wish I could help you more with our current constraints.

I'll be fine. I just need time.

[Time to accept his actions and the ramifications. Time to think it over, figure out what he should have done differently, and learn from it. So it wouldn't happen again.]

Be careful who you say that around. I don't want you getting hurt because someone that believes the Monarchs and follows them loyally hears you.

Of course, monsieur.

[This isn't good or fair. But her voice is neutral and...really she understands. As much as she wants to argue she should not weigh heavy on him as well.]

Then I hope matters become easier for you. I shall keep you in my thoughts.

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Voice | Unseelie Lockets | All H. Compasses

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