eachdraidh | video; unseelie only

Alright, let's get a couple facts straight.

1st -> Fuck the Seelie. Yeah, which one of you asses are going to argue with me about that? It'll be a quick trip to the dungeons for you, King Louis XVI. That's spelled L-o-u-i-s but pronounced in a dumb frog way. Don't get me started.

2nd -> Get your ass over to Archer Point Military Academy. Seriously, learn how to be a good soldier. Girls love soldiers which means you can get some serious bed action as long as you follow what I say.

3rd -> Don't disrespect Darth Wark. He's my chocobro and I will let him remove you from existence if you do. Bros before does, right? [Yes, there is a loud WARK off the screen.] Are girl chocobos called does by the way? I don't even know. Quick, someone find me a bird expert!

4th -> All hot women drink for free here. Considering there is an extreme lack of unhot women using these things, I'm pretty sure that means all of you. Using my bed while I'm in it is also free, hint hint. Psst, that means I'd bang you.

What else am I missing? Fill me in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You won't even need to worry about guessing at this rate.

[Brain is torn between talking about money or talking about sex. It's tough.]

Right...boarding and plundering sure. Archer Point is kiiiiiiind of placed in a high trade area and I kiiiiiiiiind of patrol the ocean and rivers around it. I'm just saying we could work something out.

Mmm. Sounds very tempting.

[No worries, dude, she's happy to talk about both.]

So... You're looking for... what? Escorts? Patrols? Someone to handle the less savory side of business?

Do you provide the boats?

All I have are viking longboats, which are totally awesome, but getting a ship built is on my agenda. Somewhere. I need to look through it.

Well...? What would you do with one?

I like big boats, I cannot lie.

Sail it, naturally. I've done my share of escort runs. Done my share of plundering too. And the occasional legitimate job here and there.

I wouldn't mind seeing your big boats, by the way. And by boats, I mean breasts.

[Absolutely honest.]

With the right work, we can get you all set up.

Well, that was direct. [She's laughing, though.]

I think we could come to... an arrangement. Name's Isabela, by the way. Captain Isabela, if you're so inclined.

When girls write down "Don't want to play games" on their dating profile, I'm the guy the turn to.

When you get this ship, we'll start you on Captain, unless it's something you prefer to be called in bed.

Good to know.

Oh, Kitten. I never have affairs with my crew. It's impossible to get them to take orders after they've seen you naked with your ass in the air. But, business partners, well. That's another matter entirely.

So. How shall we get this started?

You need to be over here to start with. Then we can just wing it.

I've had plans with less detail.

Where, exactly, is "here"?

The only place I'm at.

Which is Archer Point. It has my name on it so it's mine.

Charming.

Drabwurld's a big place, you know. You have coordinates or a map hiding in those about-to-burst seams?

Do I have to hold it up or something? It's like....where the forodwraith and river maighdeenwhatever meet. That's exactly where I am.

Well. That gives me something to go on, at least. Some of these names. How do they stand it?

You're asking the guy who is used to "Mississippi" and "Missouri" rivers. Because those are the two big ones in the USA, by the way. Unless you want to go to someone and be like "It's not just a river in Egypt".

[Laughing.]

It's called The Nile. Get it? The Nile....denial? HAH.

[She chuckles.]

Cute. Can't say I've ever been there, though. It's a long way from where I can't from, I'm sure.

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