eachdraidh | video; unseelie only

Alright, let's get a couple facts straight.

1st -> Fuck the Seelie. Yeah, which one of you asses are going to argue with me about that? It'll be a quick trip to the dungeons for you, King Louis XVI. That's spelled L-o-u-i-s but pronounced in a dumb frog way. Don't get me started.

2nd -> Get your ass over to Archer Point Military Academy. Seriously, learn how to be a good soldier. Girls love soldiers which means you can get some serious bed action as long as you follow what I say.

3rd -> Don't disrespect Darth Wark. He's my chocobro and I will let him remove you from existence if you do. Bros before does, right? [Yes, there is a loud WARK off the screen.] Are girl chocobos called does by the way? I don't even know. Quick, someone find me a bird expert!

4th -> All hot women drink for free here. Considering there is an extreme lack of unhot women using these things, I'm pretty sure that means all of you. Using my bed while I'm in it is also free, hint hint. Psst, that means I'd bang you.

What else am I missing? Fill me in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[LOUD LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES.]

What are they going to do? Take away all the alcohol in the world? Because not having it is like, my kryptonite. Which I could just make my own. This isn't rocket science. The world's greatest secret agent doesn't have secret weaknesses.

Really? [ Something about this seems profitable. ]

What would you give me if I uncovered a secret weakness of yours?

The D.

[ The Americans refer to their money as dollars so yes! This is something she really wants. ]

All right.

If I expose a weakness of yours, you have to give me as much of the D as I want!

Which is hopefully going to be a lot, right?

That's right.

[ Ufufu. ] I'll take every last bit.

Good luck with that. You're fighting against a never ending supply here.

[ Wow, she had no idea he was that successful in business. It doesn't pay to underestimate anyone and while she thought he had a good idea on how to fortify his spire, it seems he also picked up a few additional resources elsewhere. What a perfect man. ]

Really? I have a few ideas I'd like to lay out in front of you sometime.

See, I knew I was right about this side of you. Sterling Archer is never wrong.

[The lewd side, that is.]

Really? I thought it was kind of obvious that this was my goal all along, but if you'd like to pat yourself on the back for a job well done, you may.

[ It's all about the dolla, Archer. ]

Yeah, okay. Sure.

[holla holla]