eachdraidh | video; unseelie only

Alright, let's get a couple facts straight.

1st -> Fuck the Seelie. Yeah, which one of you asses are going to argue with me about that? It'll be a quick trip to the dungeons for you, King Louis XVI. That's spelled L-o-u-i-s but pronounced in a dumb frog way. Don't get me started.

2nd -> Get your ass over to Archer Point Military Academy. Seriously, learn how to be a good soldier. Girls love soldiers which means you can get some serious bed action as long as you follow what I say.

3rd -> Don't disrespect Darth Wark. He's my chocobro and I will let him remove you from existence if you do. Bros before does, right? [Yes, there is a loud WARK off the screen.] Are girl chocobos called does by the way? I don't even know. Quick, someone find me a bird expert!

4th -> All hot women drink for free here. Considering there is an extreme lack of unhot women using these things, I'm pretty sure that means all of you. Using my bed while I'm in it is also free, hint hint. Psst, that means I'd bang you.

What else am I missing? Fill me in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The one where you haven't banged a single woman in existence so you're going to pretend to be Jesus to get some poon?

[ ... that is not how he remembers the conversation going. Also- ]

"Poon"?

[ Dear god. ]

I had sex.

[ He's a little late in sharing the good news. ]

Poon. Getting some. Banging women.

Look, that's great and all but you're seriously only border-lining normal. You still have like....an eternity to need to catch up with me, at the rate you're going.

I see.

Normal is rather exceptionally boring. Unless you mean normal in sexual experience? In which case- she is a siren, and therefore I am not certain if normal would apply.

There are children, now.

[ Has sex once, knocks her up. A+ ]

If you're not married, I suggest calling a lawyer immediately. Since DNA tests aren't a thing here, you should be fine.

Why would I require a lawyer? Or a test?

Child support payments are going to ruin your godly life. Before you know it, pretty much half of everything you are will be sucked into supposedly raising this kid. But it'll all end up in that Siren's new shoes that she decided to spend Jesus powers on to buy.

Children. Multiple. They hatched this spring. They already know how to make bone charms; that, I think, comes from me.

And I do not believe she wears shoes.

.......if you were in front of me right now, I'd slap you multiple times. I just wanted you to enjoy yourself and you go off and make a ridiculous amount of babies or something.

What are you, Catholic and Mexican? Seriously. They make this thing called a condom. I suggest you go look it up.

Edited 2015-05-05 06:53 (UTC)