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I know we're supposed to be celebrating, but does anyone else feel like- you know, not wanting to do that at all? I can't be the only one.

[ as always, Rachel's got smudges of color on her face and her fingertips, but this time her expression isn't bright to match. she scratches at her cheek ( which leaves a bit of blue there, but whatever ) as she frowns, and it's clear she's trying to not look so sullen, but it's hard work. there are some ways this place is way, way different than her home world. but this feels too much like what it would be like if the Roman and Greek demigods really did end up going to war. if the quest failed, and everything crumbled and went to Tartarus and friends were forced to fight friends and Gaia won and that kind of sucks. so she's babbling at the locket network- why? because she's selfish enough to seek some kind of validation for feeling so bummed about this. for not finding that much comfort in a Seelie victory. and maybe also because she's managed to get her hands on a little fairy wine, and she's not drunk, but she's feeling more honest about her less optimistic side than she normally would be. woops. ]

I know the war is important, and unavoidable, but I guess I just thought- [ she huffs a breath ] I got to fight. I got to ride a pegasus into battle and fight, just like everyone else, which I never got to do in my world. And I always thought it was worse, having to sit on the sidelines when the rest of my friends were out fighting. But this- I don't feel any better. [ a beat ] Fighting doesn't scare me, I love knowing I can protect myself in a fight now, but that?

[ another pause, and she's pushing her hair back off her face even though it doesn't really do much to control all those curls ]

I don't think I can do that again. I want to help, I want to keep helping in any way I can, but just- not that. I don't think I'm built for that kind of battle. And I know I can't be the only one that feels that way, but- [ her brow furrows up, like she doesn't like admitting that. ] Does that make me useless here? 'Cause I gotta admit, it makes me feel a little useless. [ but yikes that's depressing. and Rachel Elizabeth Dare isn't depressing. so she shakes her head, lifts a hand like that erases that last bit ]

Anyway. If we're friends, or no matter what if you're a camper - Camp Half-Blood, Camp Jupiter - check in, please. [ :| damnit campers she knows you were all probably way too involved with all of the fighting ] Let me know you're okay. Let's talk. I'm going a little crazy, it feels like everybody's scattered in different places.

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Hey, I didn't say you were an unfunny nerd. Just the biggest nerd.

[ you love this nerd, don't lie. ]

Oh, come on, that was a great joke!

It was pretty funny.

I was going to make some kind of joke about what it was like meeting another firefighter, but now it's gone. Lost in the wind of your nerdiness. Your nerd wind.

[ GRIN ]

But really, you're right, I know you're right. I'm sure I could find something to do. But it's just weird having this one big goal in mind, and then finding out that goal was so far from your realm of comfort that it was kind of a weird goal to have to begin with. [ sigh ] I'll figure something out.

Hey, if anybody has "nerd wind," it's Jason.

[ He's still grinning, of course. ]

Yeah, I know that how goes. It's kind of like going on this big quest and finding out one of us might have to die to save the world. [ Definitely not what he signed up for. ] Just keep the pegasus delivery service in mind. That might come in handy.

[ she knows it's not a personal dig, but it feels like a personal dig, when people bring up quests. like she should have known or she should have not delivered it or- something. all things she wishes were true, but they're just not. ]

I just wish there was another end game that wasn't so... one side must die. This feels just like home. Like Roman demigods and Greek demigods being pitted against each other for no reason. Maybe Seelies and Unseelies can fight together, too. I just don't know what we're really supposed to be fighting here.

[ wiiiishful thinking ]

Same here. I've actually been thinking that for a while - that it's a lot like our camps going up against each other, [ he admits, suddenly a lot quieter. that was his fault. if he hadn't gotten taken over by that dumb eidolon, a war between demigod factions wouldn't have been an issue. ] We still don't have any choice where we go when they pull us here, but we're still told to fight and hate each other because of what we are. Same old stuff.

[ he hates it. ]

You know, someone from the Unseelie side was wondering how to make that happen. Like, all I know for sure is that we're supposed to be preventing the end of the world or something, right? Because supposedly, if the Unseelie win, they'll drive everything to chaos and destruction. [ or so he's been told. he doesn't buy it, obviously. ] And they think the same thing about us. So I really don't know which one is right, but we're definitely not the only ones wondering. [ he almost laughs. ] Maybe it's the monarchs we should be fighting. Who knows?

[ juuuuust switching to private now ]

I think that's like saying we should fight the Gods.

[ which is tricky territory. also, it's something she doesn't like admitting to, but it feels that way. ]

Anybody that can gift huge groups of people with weapons and magical abilities, they won't be easy to turn against. Like, at all. The way I've heard things, the Unseelie think that the Seelies want the worlds to end so we would all be starting with a clean slate, and the Unseelie want to win so they can take everything we know and turn it to chaos, yeah. Neither one is very convincing. But there are people here, Shardbearers, that totally believe it. That's the scary part. And there's really too many of us here at this point to really judge the odds.

Isn't that kind of what we're doing with Gaea? [ sorry, Rachel. he has to be a little shit sometimes. ] But what are we supposed to do, if both sides are feeding us the same stories? They can't both be right, and I don't know about you, but I don't think most of the Unseelie would be willing to come to some kind of truce with us after their castle's been destroyed... And even if they would, I'd be surprised if the monarchs let it happen.

-- True, I guess.

And I don't know. All I keep thinking about is the fact that there are people here who aren't part of the war, who aren't expected to fight. I wonder if any of them have some insight on the war, more than what we're hear from anyone that's already split up on either side. The people who were here before they started recruiting, you know?

Aside from hating us for having Shards? [ Leo has to point that out. The sentiment has only been getting worse, to the point that he gets some odd looks even at the Station. ] What do you think they'd say? I mean, we could always ask around, but I dunno how much good it would do.

Nah, I don't think they all hate us. I know some of the elves don't, at least. Most of them just can't be bothered to deal with any of it.

But you're right, it's kind of impossible to tell who would help and who would try to kill us for even talking to them. Not a great gamble. [ she sighs ] I don't want to abandon this place, or- whatever fight we're actually fighting here, to protect all the worlds or whatever, but still. I'm ready for some kind of prophecy or vision or something to at least make it seem like there's some known goal in mind. Something worth fighting for, instead of just blindly following along.

That'd be nice, but I guess it doesn't work that way here. You have to have some kind of connection to Apollo for your thing to work, right? And they still haven't found a new Oracle after what happened to the last one...

[ Freaky, what happened to her. And he has to help investigate it. ]

Do you think the monarchs would actually explain it if we asked, or would we just get more vague "keeping order for the greater good" crap?

I think it's more about my connection to the Spirit of Delphi, but yeah. Apollo's just a middle-man, as far as I understand it.

And... There's really only one way to find out, right? I wonder if they'll be taking people in for an audience again anytime soon. I'd ask.

Yeah, well, the Spirit of Delphi isn't in the Drabwurld, either.

[ He shifts unsurely. ]

I dunno. I remember hearing that they took someone's powers and everything away for asking the wrong questions or something. I was still helping with the White Citadel when it happened, but it sounded pretty intense.

[ Which is his way of saying be careful, Rachel. ]

What do you mean? What kind of wrong question? [ she shakes her head, confused ] Something about the war?

[ oh, right. details. ]

I'm not sure. I just heard rumor, but I think they were challenging them somehow? Not, like, asking for a fight or anything like that, but it sounded like what would happen if any of us defied the gods in any way - even if it was just saying red is the best color when they think it's blue.

Um, yikes. They're that sensitive? It just seems like- I always assumed we at least had the right to express our concerns, but maybe that only holds up to a certain point. [ she huffs ] But okay! If I do talk to them, I'll just- make sure to do that same infuriating little dance around the conversation that I do when talking to the gods. Good to know.

They're a lot like the gods, honestly, so it's kind of unsurprising if you ask me. We're only ever allowed to say how we feel as long as it doesn't offend them somehow.

[ Not the best reminder of home he could've asked for, honestly. ]

Good luck, if you do.

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