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I know we're supposed to be celebrating, but does anyone else feel like- you know, not wanting to do that at all? I can't be the only one.

[ as always, Rachel's got smudges of color on her face and her fingertips, but this time her expression isn't bright to match. she scratches at her cheek ( which leaves a bit of blue there, but whatever ) as she frowns, and it's clear she's trying to not look so sullen, but it's hard work. there are some ways this place is way, way different than her home world. but this feels too much like what it would be like if the Roman and Greek demigods really did end up going to war. if the quest failed, and everything crumbled and went to Tartarus and friends were forced to fight friends and Gaia won and that kind of sucks. so she's babbling at the locket network- why? because she's selfish enough to seek some kind of validation for feeling so bummed about this. for not finding that much comfort in a Seelie victory. and maybe also because she's managed to get her hands on a little fairy wine, and she's not drunk, but she's feeling more honest about her less optimistic side than she normally would be. woops. ]

I know the war is important, and unavoidable, but I guess I just thought- [ she huffs a breath ] I got to fight. I got to ride a pegasus into battle and fight, just like everyone else, which I never got to do in my world. And I always thought it was worse, having to sit on the sidelines when the rest of my friends were out fighting. But this- I don't feel any better. [ a beat ] Fighting doesn't scare me, I love knowing I can protect myself in a fight now, but that?

[ another pause, and she's pushing her hair back off her face even though it doesn't really do much to control all those curls ]

I don't think I can do that again. I want to help, I want to keep helping in any way I can, but just- not that. I don't think I'm built for that kind of battle. And I know I can't be the only one that feels that way, but- [ her brow furrows up, like she doesn't like admitting that. ] Does that make me useless here? 'Cause I gotta admit, it makes me feel a little useless. [ but yikes that's depressing. and Rachel Elizabeth Dare isn't depressing. so she shakes her head, lifts a hand like that erases that last bit ]

Anyway. If we're friends, or no matter what if you're a camper - Camp Half-Blood, Camp Jupiter - check in, please. [ :| damnit campers she knows you were all probably way too involved with all of the fighting ] Let me know you're okay. Let's talk. I'm going a little crazy, it feels like everybody's scattered in different places.

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The part that's bugging me is that i wanted to be. I wanted to be able to go out fight, and actually make a difference, so much. But as soon as I got out there it was like- all I could feel was guilt.

[ which is confusing. being near a monster that can melt your face off just by existing and firing an arrow, those things don't scare her. but the idea of firing an arrow at someone made her feel guilty before she even tried it ]

I guess I'm just starting to feel like more of a, um. Like the little top hat from Monopoly. I have no business trying to play chess. [ rachel what the pieces in monopoly are nothing like the pieces in che- ] Don't get me wrong, I like being the little top hat. I'm good at being the top hat back home. But things are really different here.

Guilt - over harming others? That's nothing to feel ashamed about.

[The extension of the analogy draws a smile from Charles. But it feels as though he's only getting half of the picture here, so he has to ask - ] What does the top hat do back home?

Isn't it though? During a war.

[ not that she sounds 500% torn up about it, she knows it's wrong to want to hurt people, but for some reason she got it in her head that none of that matters during war. or it shouldn't matter. she's sent demigods on quests, and- okay, sometimes she felt guilty over it, but most of the time she didn't because she knew they could handle it. no guilt. everyone just doing their jobs. ]

This top hat is a deliverer of prophecies and a reader of fate. It's kind of jumbled up here, though. Either fate works differently, or- something. I don't know. I still have visions, but they're sort of small-scale compared to what I used to see. ... Which isn't all bad, just confusing.

I would advise anyone to avoid cutting off their conscience and blindly following orders. A great amount of evil can befall people that way.

[Oh look, personal growth.]

Hm. This world does pull so many people from so many worlds. With all those futures, I imagine there's a bit of a jumble. Well - [He tries to think of what he'd be like if for some reason his telepathy didn't work here. And then thinks about how the past four years went. Never mind.] What would you do with those visions back home? Just have them? Tell them to someone and let that be that?

I think sometimes it feels almost like we don't have a choice. Or we might not even have a choice, later on. Not if the battles keep getting worse than they have been. [ a beat ] Ugh, I sound like such a downer. That's totally not me, I'm not a downer.

[ SIIGH war is the biggest bummer basically ]

Oh, um. No, it's- Back home there's a camp for demigods, and I was their Oracle. [ all kind of silly, probably, considering it doesn't matter much here. but!! it matters to her. the corner of her mouth quirks up a bit because maaaaaybe she likes this part. she just likes titles, ok ] I'm the Oracle, host of the spirit of Delphi, speaker of the prophecies of Phoebus Apollo, slayer of the mighty Python. You come see me - "approach, seeker, and ask" - and I give you the 411 on your next quest, or your ultimate fate. [ she flourishes her hand a bit, all very "ta daaaa!" ] Nobody really ever goes for that last one, though. And I don't blame them.

Edited 2015-03-08 21:35 (UTC)

It's quite alright. [He offers a quick smile.] There's always choices, though. Maybe not always easy one, but choices nonetheless.

[ Y E P ]

Ah! [He looks pleasantly informed; classical tales coming to life haven't become old hat just yet.] So more "your mission, should you choose to accept it?"

Sort of. Most quests are given to specific demigods for a reason, so they don't have much of a choice whether they accept it or not- but. But that sounds horrible, so I should mention that most demigods seek me out for a quest. So. It's their choice to hear it in the first place. [ a beat ] I never really thought to question the way fate works with like... if quests are already picked out for each demigod as soon as they're brought to camp, or if it's something spontaneous. I'm not usually fully aware of what's going on when I deliver prophecies, so it's hard to tell.

[It sounds important, but also passive. Perhaps that was a good thing - receiving knowledge, but knowing it came from something you had to put your faith in. Rather than his situation, where he had a lot of knowledge but was ultimately human (or sub-species of) and fallible.

Either way, he thinks he sees where the frustration comes from, now.]

Not really my field of expertise, I'm afraid. [Other than his own errant dabble in the time-stream.] I can see how it doesn't translate well. If it's really important to you, it may be worth talking with court leaders. See what's needed and if you can build off something or start developing a new skill-set.

Maybe. I've been helping the elves look for their new oracle? But it's been a lot of research mostly, so far. [ no fuuuun ] But eventually! Soon, hopefully, I'll be heading out to like, physically help them look.

Maybe once I find her, things will start to make sense.

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AHHH sorry for the wait

so long as you don't mind mine >_>

clings