eachdraidh | oo1 ⊕ video ⊕ both courts

oo1 ⊕ video ⊕ both courts

Hey, uh. Network. My name's Sam, for those of you I haven't gotten the chance to meet yet.

[ a small smile and a lift of his chin that both say he might genuinely like that chance to meet everyone everywhere at some point. but he's here with something serious today, so he moves right along. ]

I wanted to tell y'all something I like to keep in mind from day to day, but especially on days like the last dozen or so. I'm retired military - Air National Guard pararescue, for any of you that are familiar - but I enlisted a long time ago. Don't ask for a number, a man's gotta keep some secrets.

[ feelin' your age, wilson? his cheeky smile is short lived. ]

When I went to basic, I wasn't exactly itching for a fight, so I wasn't with the other greenies that were disappointed when we started with folding our own bed sheets. My ma raised me right, and the first time I picked up a gun, it was with all due respect to the power they were putting in my hands. I didn't wanna let all that go to my head and forget the responsibility that comes with carrying arms.

[ he purses his lips for a quiet beat, inhales shortly before continuing. ]

Wish I could say the same for the first time I shot a man. My country went to war right after I was accepted into the PJs, and when it was down to me or him, I chose him. Just - [ he makes a small pew gunshot sound, glum; ] - and that was that. I wasn't scared and I didn't feel guilty about it - and that was what stuck with me. I asked my unit, my CO, anyone that would listen. No one could tell me whether or not I was supposed to feel good about killing the "bad guys".

[ another moment's silence - half to find his next words, half out of respect for the dead. he scrubs a hand over his head. ]

Still don't really have an answer, and like I said, it's been a long time. Some days I think I might be close, and other days I ask myself "man, who do you think you're kidding?" Thing of it is - whether or not you think it's for the right reasons, taking someone else's life isn't easy, and it shouldn't be. That kinda thing stains your hands, and then you gotta decide how to live with it. For me, at least, some days are easier than others. And on the days when it's not, I keep looking for an answer.

[ finally, he gives a small, weary smile. the point of this whole thing: trying to get people to talk about it so they don't bottle it in. sam knows where he stands, and it's at the door, trying to open it for others. ]

If you've got any ideas, please, I'd love to hear 'em. Maybe we can trade a few around, see if we can't come up with something new. Either way, today's a good day.

[ dead tired, quiet, but sam still says it with a smile before signing off. ]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ that kinda thing stains your hands. and almost as though by instinct -- when the phrase hits the lockets -- sansa finds herself scrubbing one palm against the other. the art is in keeping the hands clean; lord baelish had urged her so. it leaved her melancholy.

indeed, the whole of the man's speech has left her feeling melancholy. because soon someone's life will be in her hands -- those clean hands -- and she doesn't yet know what she'll do with the responsibility. ]

Are you a knight, ser?

[ knights are for killing, after all. ]

Oh God, I feel like I'm attending a support group or something.

There aren't enough sessions for that, mate.

[Seriously, if they start counting kills, it could take awhile. Luckily for her, it doesn't haunt her the way it does others. That is lucky, right?]

[ sam chuckles quietly, remembering how childishly he'd dressed himself up and play the part of super knight cape man at the feast. hard to imagine it was only two weeks ago with everything that's happened since. ]

No, I'm no knight. Just a soldier - and an ex-soldier, at that.

[ doubly for killing, and with none of the glory that's supposed to be knighthood. for sam, those are fantasy things for costumes and games; reality is a lot less pretty to look at. ]

Sweet, that means I'm not losing my touch.

[ actual support group leader sam wilson, hello. ]

Figure if I'm gonna be here awhile, I might as well start now, get as many sessions in as I can. You want me to book you for Friday?

[ it's a joke, mostly! ]

[ soldiers. knights. once, the distinction was potent. obvious. but that was westeros! the drabwurld is very different, and she finds the lines...blurrier. ]

You not one any longer...?

Slow down, Care Bear.

The only thing I book on Fridays entail dinner, drinks, and lingerie. But not always in that order.

[ this time, when sam smiles, it's just a little more muted - with gratitude for her approaching it tactfully. he's good with it, but it's kind of a sensitive topic. ]

When I was nearing my decade of straight war, I had to really think about what we were doing. After everything I'd done, everything I'd lost - [ he shakes his head minutely. ] - I decided I couldn't do it anymore. Everyone's got their limits. I guess I just hit mine.

What of your soul?

[Like a child's fear, it is blurted out, but he never would have had the courage if it weren't Sam, and certainly he wouldn't have paused then, pressed his lips together, brought himself together to look back up at Sam. Sam inspires confidence and trust like that.]

It stained your hands . . . but you were a soldier. It was what you had to do. So did it stain your soul?

[ momentarily, she's silenced. awed. sansa stark thinks about all the things she's lost -- and all the hurt she's survived, only to feel herself chafe against her own limits. for a man accustomed to war, his must be much higher.

she wonders what manner of person he is. ]

Is it the same for others? Other men who have been soldiers, I mean. [ she thinks about her brothers. do they have limits? she knew the kingsguard seemed not to. and the hound-- ] Do they hit their limits, a-and then stop?

[ korra's only ever purposefully killed one person in her life, and that was only because she couldn't separate his spirit from the spirit of darkness and chaos that threatened the world. and really, when it came down to either "the world" or "darkness," korra chose the world.

there's a brush at the back of her mind, a thought, a feeling brought on by this post; redgate. she'll never forget what happened, and she's paying her dues for it out here on the western road, but she'll always wish she could forgive herself for what her actions caused. alyosha seemingly had — two people who met on the battlefield, fighting for what they believed in — so why couldn't she? ]

I don't think there is an answer for that.

[ she wishes she could be like kyoshi sometimes, justify it to herself by saying she did what needed to be done. but that was never the type of avatar korra wanted to be. she wanted to do real good in the world, and she still has a lot to learn. ]

[ new nickname, bless bless!! sam laughs, bright and earnest. ]

Maybe we'll work our way up to a Friday, then. [ iff'n y'know whuddimean. ] How about a nice, boring Monday instead?

[ this is exactly why he wanted to talk to people about it. when sam speaks, it's with a certainty that comes from personal experience. one that didn't come without his own fears and failures. ]

No. It didn't.

[ certainty, but it's no simple thing to state, so sam thinks on it a beat before holding up his hands to the camera. ]

See, my hands you can touch, grab, put 'em where you need 'em. [ like around the hilt of a gun; sam drops one and thumps his chest with the other. ] But my soul? It's a little more protected. It can be stained of something cuts deep enough, but I didn't let it. I wouldn't.

[ in the seconds before deciding on an answer, sam wonders idly if she's asking for someone else or for herself. the answer isn't so cut and dry. ]

Not always. Some don't get the chance like I did, which I am - endlessly grateful for. But others ... Sometimes, they don't know how to stop. If you get in deep enough, sometimes you can forget how to live any other way.

[There's a whole list of nicknames she's given to people. It's a habit.]

Is this therapy session for you or for me? It sounds like you're the one weighed down by it all.

Like living as someone else.

[ not capable of living another way. once, she thought she'd never be sansa stark again. but here she stands. and here she is...being rude.

softer, but brighter: ] Beg pardon. I ought to have -- I am Sansa. Of House Stark. And of the Cothromach.

[ sam's worked long enough with battle-wounded soldiers not to be surprised where they come from anymore. she was loud and bright when they met, the kind of free spirited joy that sam treasures like nobody's business - and he's still not surprised to know this exists on the other side of it. ]

Exactly. I've spent this long thinking about it, trying to figure it out - I think if I ever do settle on any one answer, that means I've lost sight of what's really important here. That struggle, to decide between what's right and what's wrong? It keeps us human.

[ he really needs her to know that it's not a bad thing. ]

Hey, I gotta get a little something outta what I give, right?

[ it's a joke, and he's still smiling when he shrugs. ]

I've got my wounds. Sometimes I figure stuff out about myself when I'm helping someone else make a start. So maybe it is a little bit of both.

[ his eyes widen, bright and pleased. ]

Me and Steve were running around up there, trying to get that Jabberwock's attention. Remind me to publicly shame him for not introducing us.

[ a tease! that sam is likely to actually follow up on. ]

Sam Wilson. It's nice to meet you, Sansa.

[ steve. her posture straightens. ]

You're acquainted with the Captain? [ this buys sam some natural goodwill, despite the absence of her title. ] He has been a good friend to my city. A friend and a champion.

If you want the honest answer, I've killed a lot of people. Goes with the territory. I work in a rough business, and most days, it's me or them.

When the moment comes, it's always them. I don't hesitate, I don't second guess, and I don't feel guilty for being the one that lives.

[He says it's not easy taking a life, but Chloe sure makes it sound easy. It's not meant to be bravado, it's just the cold truth. If it's live or die, she pulls the trigger, and she sleeps just fine at night.]

You're doubtlessly going to get a lot of the same responses of "there's no answer." But I think the better way to phrase that is there's no universal answer, and that these questions and how one deals with them must be taken one day at a time. 1 year versus 10 years perspective is also a massive factor.

You do what works best for you, in the end. That's the most anyone can do.

[His attention was piqued by the mention of military. But the longer Jack listens, the more he's reminded of David Shepherd. A compliment or an insult, even he's not sure.]

The first kill is never easy. But after that? [Jack smiles a little before lifting a glass of amber colored liquid to his lips, taking a long drink.] You can't be damned twice, right?

[ Although some of the words might seem foreign to him, he understands the sentiment. As a templar and a general, Cullen has killed his fair share of men and women, from abominations that threatened all those in the Circle, to red templars, corrupted beyond all reason. ]

You think about what you're protecting, rather than those you have to kill. More than likely, those men and women thought they were fighting for a righteous cause.

[ A difficult lesson to learn, but one that seems determined to rear its head time and again. ]

Some days are always going to be easier than others.

[ the locket's view sways before steadying; Nabooru sits with her chin propped in a hand bound tight with bandages, her eyes set somewhere else, her expression pensive. ]

I think that's true no matter what kind of person you are. Maybe no matter what it is you're looking for, too.

[ she smiles, glancing towards the locket, at him. it's a knowing kind of look. ]

You're used to this. [ talking, she means. the military side of his experience - well, that's apparent. ]

[After listening to this broadcast, Joshua decides to respond. How can he not? He's experienced taking and giving life for various reasons. And...well. Maybe he's feeling some disquiet for his own actions earlier in his world.]

If I have an answer, then it's that whatever answer you find, it won't mean much to other people. Some will hear no justification or reasoning behind the action and will either damn you or praise you solely on that action. Some will hear it, but won't understand or will hate you for the rest of your life. Others who hear it might feel compassion and agree that you had only that one option available to you. Still others may view you as changed, and will either leave or continue to stand by you due to that change.

[Joshua pauses for a moment.]

I believe it's what you do after the fact that is more important. It seems to me like the more defining moment of who you are as a person.

[Another pause and a very slight smile.]

I tend to go by my nickname of Joshua, before we get further into this discussion.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 20

oo1 ⊕ video ⊕ both courts

private video

video;

private video

video;

leaved? wtf is leaved. leaves* i promise i can type.

video;

... i didn't even notice i promise i can read!!

private video;

no subject

private voice;

video;

private video;

no subject

video;

no subject

private voice;

video;

no subject

no subject

video;

Text, permaprivate

Video

private;

video.

[Video | Private]