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[Anyone who knows Lancelot will likely as not be immediately surprise that he is sending any kind of message that is written. It is hardly one of his strengths. Still, the message is short, and this way devoid of emotion. Which is best, considering the topic. ]

For those who knew him Faolan is no longer with us.

He sacrificed himself for the sake of a friend.

So far as I understand he will be returned, in some days, by the power of the courts.

He will need space and kindness.

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[ Lancelot nods, half lost in thought, wrangles Lady a little to turn her so he can rub at her tummy. She flops, tail wagging as he scratches at her chest for her. It is not very graceful or ladylike but never-mind. ]

How can we know who is fated to have such power? It is a fickle thing, fate. A friend of mine... he believed it was his destiny to protect his king using the magic he was born with. Yet... such things can be unclear. Every time his road took a fork he questioned himself. If his actions were right. If this was what destiny intended. If he should act or if there was something else in the plans of fate.

[Who cares about graceful when there are scratches and belly rubs to be had? Though, when Diarmuid notices Oscar watching Lady's wagging tail a little too closely, he gathers the cub up to make sure Lady's scratches don't end up being rudely disrupted.]

Fate is a strange thing. Some things are set in life, but we are also given freedom to make our own choices. I always looked at this way. It does not matter which path we take because if something is truly Fated to happen, it will happen no matter what we do. Worrying about if we are taking the right path to get to our Fate is a waste of time that we should be focusing on making the choices that will lead us to living without regrets instead. When the time is right, Fate will find us no matter what choices we have made.

[ He sighs a little, watching Lady wiggle her paws enthusiastically -- lifting his eyes long enough to spot Diarmuid gently guiding Oscar away before her tail gets pounced. ]

So what you are saying is I should worry less, perhaps?

[ he sounds ruefully amused at that, as if perhaps he may have been told such a thing before. ]

[Diarmuid can't help but find himself laughing at the question and the way Lancelot says it.]

Yes, as impossible a task as it is, I indeed think you should worry less.

[He tilts his head and winks jokingly at his friend.]

And if you find out a good way to do that, please let me know it as well...

[ He catches one of the wiggling paws, gives it a squeeze that makes lady struggle indignantly and keeps his eyes down on her as he answers. ]

I will do my best, if everyone around me will agree at the same time to stop doing things that make me worry.

[ Like dying. He takes a breath, lets it out slowly as he stares down at Lady. Lancelot isn't even sure he can make a half-hearted joke about that. His throat feels like it has seized up at the very thought, like words have escaped him entirely. He swallows hard, frowns as if he can shake off the feeling by concentration alone. ]

Edited 2015-03-02 01:42 (UTC)

It is not easy when you surround yourself with those so much like you. They understand you, but they also share your faults.

[It's a frustrating feeling. A helpless one too, much like Diarmuid feels now. He wants to be able to tell Lancelot his friends won't act as he fears they might if he only asks, but he knows that won't happen. There is no telling a knight not to be a knight.]

I think the best you can expect from them is that they will try and then if they fail, try not to be mad at them. All we can expect of anyone is that they will try their best. It is just sometimes, we all think that our best is something more than is should be...

So it seems.

[ Lady wiggles some more to free her paw and rolls back over -- climbs into Lancelot's lap again (even if she's a little big for such babying now) and he gently loops his arms around her. It is perhaps a little childish to hang on to her so, but Lady has always been there for him and he appreciates the comfort she brings. Her understanding of the situation may be simplified, but she knows she loves him and that his friend is gone. She can keep him warm and safe until his friend comes back. ]

In my home I served a king, and the king had a manservant more loyal than any other. He travelled with him everywhere, kept him from danger even when he did not know the danger was there. Before I was brought here... the veil between this world and the next had been ripped. The balance of things was undone, spirits roamed free and froze everyone they touched. The only way to close it was for someone to give their life to The Cailleach. Arthur planned to travel to the Isle of the Blessed and do so himself. It was his kingdom to protect, his duty in his eyes, but... I knew that Merlin planned to do so for him. He may have only been a manservant, but he was the bravest of all of us. It made me wonder if I could ever be so brave. He told me... You have to have a reason, something you care about. Something that's more important than anything.

[Diarmuid listens closely as Lancelot tells of his home and his fellows. The names are familiar to Diarmuid, though the stories he knows are slightly different. Merlin was no manservant in those, but then again, Arthur was also a woman.]

He's right, you know. He's absolutely right. When you have that reason, nothing will stop you. You might be scared. The odds might be long, but none of that matters. You will do what needs to be done because it needs to be done. In a way, it's a blessing and a curse.

[His eyes drop to Oscar, then, and grow distant as if he is thinking of the past. Oscar seems to understand he is sad and nudges his hand under his owner starts to pet him again.]

I died to protect those who depended on me. I died because I trusted someone who didn't trust me, but I don't regret it. Those people were finally safe and he...

...well, maybe he was finally able to let his pain and anger go...

[ He hesitates again, uncertain about sharing this much, eyes flitting between Lady and Diarmuid. ]

I thought I had that. I thought I had made my choice. I suppose... I did not expect that anyone would make the same choice on my behalf.

[And understanding look crosses Diarmuid's face.]

It is harder when you are the one who is left behind after the sacrifice, isn't it? Perhaps, that pain is meant to teach us a lesson. As much as we are willing to die for others, in the end, it might be easier for that person if we do not. We need to try harder to find a different way...

Perhaps. It is a hard lesson to swallow, all the same, and one I wish I had not learnt so violently.

[ Lancelot frowns at Lady, tugs her a little more fully into his arms for comfort and scratches behind her ears. ]

Have you ever seen a person burn, Diarmuid? It is not a fate I would wish on my worst enemy, let alone a friend.

For what it is worth, I wish you had not had to either.

[When Lancelot asks his question, Diarmuid looks away a moment, eyes growing distant. That in and of itself should answer his question, but if not, then his next words leave no doubt as to that answer.]

Very few are as honorable in battle as we are. I once saw a whole front line of men burn because of a trap that was laid out in their path. Amongst them were two knights I had only started training. Seeing their faces...

[He shuts his eyes for a moment, shaking his head.]

It is not something you ever forget. I agree with you completely. No one should ever have to suffer that. Especially not one so loyal and caring.

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