eachdraidh | 4 ☭ ENCRYPTED TEXT | JAN 1

[ everything is great and dandy and shit, but, luke's been trying to escape these four cows for a long-ass time. some in caer glaem may have seen four ladies eating the grass and gossiping, perhaps even speaking to two snakes as they all sit around in their mother's meeting and have a little giggle. luke wants to get the fuck out of cow dodge — to be reminded hermes is a cow fucker and won a bet to trade for a herd of cows makes him a disgrace in luke's eyes. ]

[ and because he's the tech master, his locket identifier changes to ophiotaurus and the broadcast has a few nifty things attached to it, like blinking, glittery text. ]

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SALE

Step right up, folks, and get your own talking, mooing, milk-giving, butter-making cow! A nice chocolate brown, she'll tend to your lawn like there's no tomorrow! Free milk, free conversation, and a hell of a lot of meat if you're into that. Pretty sure that milk is made of gold, too ...

All you need to do is offer up an object for trade and you've got yourself a deal.

Delivery is free. Guaranteed item the moment you trade. Please give it and a rat (it's only courteous!) to the snake delivering your cow.

WHILE STOCKS LAST!

NO REFUNDS!!!

( please note calliope, cleo, ero, and hymn will return to luke after a day of their own free will! they're loyal to only him, so, they're going to be boomerangs, much to his displeasure. he will not be giving anything back without someone doing a few things for him — these cows gossip, so please be aware they will return to him with some info about your dude (so please lmk what you want them to know)! feel free to continue trying to buy a cow, luke really wants to get rid of them atm. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ luke doesn't know what an earth kingdom is. though he may know almost every city in the world, even if he's never been, he's never, ever heard of an earth kingdom. this guy must be one of the martians from those alternate universes where he's either stuck in the 1800s reliving the arthurian lifestyle or he's from the future where skynet's trying to kill john connor. ]

[ what sucks for sokka, it rocks for luke. ]

You're royalty?

[ sokka is from neither of those time periods, thank you very much, luke. it's more like medieval eastern asia, which puts him pretty far behind the ~modern times~ luke is so familiar with. even the text feature on the lockets, for example, is technology miles ahead of anything sokka knows about, but it's pretty easy to figure out when it does most of the work for you — how is still something sokka's trying to figure out. ]

Who, me? Ha ha, no, I just KNOW royalty. My best friend is royalty. He's the Fire Lord. I got the robes from the Earth King. We were sort of helping him with a THING before all THIS happened.

[ it'd be nice to get back to that thing, actually, but he's guessing he probably won't be making it back home anytime soon, considering how long zuko's been here. ]

Is the Earth King's kingdom a garden?

[ is this nerd talking about potted plants? what in hera's name is a fire lord? luke thought the gods had weird names and titles they preferred to go by, but this medieval asian not arthurian dude takes the cake. ]

Scratch that. You're frends with the Fire Lord. I think you can offer me a little more if I give you my best talking cow.

[ wow, excuse you, luke. sokka is not a nerd and he most certainly isn't talking about potted plants, either. ]

Uh. No? It's just a regular kingdom. But that's where all the earthbenders come from. Although I don't think the Earth King is actually a bender...

[ anyway, that's not the point. the point is he really wants this cow and it's totally a great investment, right??? zuko won't be mad at all if he maybe buys this cow with actual money... ]

I've got gold!! Probably enough to buy a couple pretty awesome robes.

[ so, an environmentalist. none of that makes a lick of sense to luke, and while he's curious to find out what any of that crap is, it's not really the intent of this entire advertisement. ]

[ though he has all the gold he could ever ask for, he shrugs his shoulders. he could always use some more. ]

Deal.

You can make the cheque out to Ophiotaurus. And I'll send Calliope on her way.

... To whom am I sending her to?

[ score!!!! sokka has never been so excited about purchasing an animal except for the time he bought hawky. that was pretty exciting, having his own fire nation messenger bird. he never did come back, though, so maybe he wasn't a very good messenger. ]

Oh, my name's Soccer! What? No, not Soccer, SOCK UH. SOCK UH. SOCK

[ ugh, forget it. obviously this locket doesn't know how to spell his name, either. ]

It's S-O-K-K-A. Sokka. It's pronounced with an ock uh.

[ luke will admit he laughed. he can't help it; when someone show very little skill in the area he can easily manipulate in his sleep, he gets enjoyment. does that make him a bad guy? maybe. but does that make this any less hilarious? no. ]

Okay, Beckham. If you keep bending your pronunciation like that, you'll only program it to never pick up your name.

Where can my special deliverers find you?

[ oh, obi-wan lukenobi, you are his only hope ... for ever learning how to use this damn thing properly. and for programming it with hilarious ringtones. sadly, the bend it like beckham joke goes straight over his head. ]

What's a Beckham? And how do I not ... pronunciationbend? I mean, I'm in Caer Scima right now. Unless you need a more specific location than that?

[ please send to the fire lord suite, tyvm. ]

4 ☭ ENCRYPTED TEXT | JAN 1 | OPEN TO BOTH COURTS

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