video ✨ seelie/unseelie

[gandere]

[ There must have been another feast. Word of it has traveled to her ears as well as talk for a hunt. Both are events that draw some concern, but don't affect her goals, therefore they are better ignored. What she could do is make an attempt to reach out to shardholders, old and new, and possibly make a bit of coin in doing so. That's why when she greets everyone, it's with a pleasantly polite smile and the decor of the Castle Mair behind her. ]

What a busy month. Are they all like that? [ She waves a hand as she speaks as if to brush off the topic. ] It may have gone unnoticed, but as the Master of Archer it's only proper to inform you that he took his leave earlier last month of this world. If he had any debts, you may approach me with proof of this and I will conclude his business.

Speaking of paying off debts, my workshop is ready to take costumers. My specialty is conversion magic as well as command over all five of the elements. [ Her expression is rehearsed and composed, much like a teacher addressing a class full of idiots. ] In short, I can do a number of things many others don't advertise they can do. It seems pointless to keep my status as a magus here a secret when the world is surrounded by magic. Though it would be nice to learn something useful like shooting a bow...

[ She mutters that last part. ]

Anyway, speak with me about what you want and I'll arrange to help you if I can. We can sort out payment, favors, and IOU's later, especially if you're new to this world. I'm flexible.

Comments

[gandere]

You're not Archer.

He wouldn't be able to say the word dick out loud without fussing over himself.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Well, duh. I'm not some crappy Archer. I'm the awesome Archer and I should kick the ass of whoever is ruining my name.

[gandere]

I seriously doubt you could kick my Archer's ass... [ Why this. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

I honestly doubt that he, or you, have an ass to begin with. Seriously, eat a sandwich or something. The whole skinny Asian thing just isn't popular anymore though I suppose I could get past that.

[gandere]

H-Hey!

I have received many compliments on how great my ass looks!

[ Because some things are more important than others to address. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Yeah, from 15 year olds who are desperate for poon, maybe. They would go after a chia pet as long as it had two bumps and a hole in it.

[gandere]

Most of them have been older than me--but that's not the point!

There's no way you're an Archer! [ Except the qualification to Archer class is to be able to piss her off and he's doing quite well at that. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

I'm not into those porn videos with grandfathers. Really, have some class.

[Hypocritical....]

I invented the standards of being an Archer. [Ignoring his mother, of course.] Those standards are being awesome, sleeping with lots of women, and shooting lots of bad guys.

[gandere]

[ On second though, he does sound like an Archer? ]

Then what's your Noble Phantasm-?! If you're an Archer, I want to see proof!

[tacticalturtleneck]

You want to see proof? Stay a night with me and I'll show you proof.

[Despite previous complaints, he really isn't picky.]

[gandere]

What good is a Noble Phantasm if you can only use it at night? Does that mean you're without a weapon during the day?

[ WHAT A STUPID ARCHER. THEY JUST KEEP GETTING DUMBER AND DUMBER. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

This might just be one of the first times in my life that I was left speechless. I've seen rocks be less dense than you.

[Like the kind that float on water.]

[gandere]

You're the dense one. I've never met an Archer who acted so confident, but was afraid to man up to reveal his tool when asked!

[ Hmph! ] You could at least tell me where you're from.

[tacticalturtleneck]

This whole 'use sexual words but mean something entirely innocent' might be awesome if you actually understood what was going on. But you don't. Since your mind is apparently around the mental age of five, I'll spell it out. I was offering to bang you but if I'm right, that'd be kind of gross.

[Also, very casually.]

America, by the way.

[gandere]

I'm eighteen!! [ VERY QUICKLY CORRECTS HIM ON THAT. ]

If you think I failed to catch onto that--[ Which she did, but no need to let him know. ]--then you're the moron.

I've never heard of a heroic spirit from America before...

[tacticalturtleneck]

Oh good, right on the borderline between gross and perfectly acceptable. Since you understood so well, I can still totally teach you how to 'shoot a bow'. Get it?

[He probably could in a very literal fashion. Being a dumb weapons nut and all.]

[gandere]

[ It's like speaking with a grown up Shinji, except this guy is a tad bit more clever with his innuendo. ]

No thank you. I rather not risk pregnancy or anything else that may occur as a result of target practice.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Condoms aren't a thing around here? Seriously, that could cramp my style because kids are literally the worst.

[gandere]

You could probably acquire some at the station easily since that's where all the "modern world" items are located, but beyond that? You're looking at sheep skin and herbal remedies.

[tacticalturtleneck]

What? Not even a Snicker bar wrapper?

Shit.

[How is he even supposed to have fun if he has to go out of his way to buy condoms.]

...on a scale of one to P. Diddy, how screwed am I when it comes to future child support payments?