003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

[parallels]

Clara Oswald here.

So...

[There's a lengthy pause as if she really doesn't want to be doing this post but feels compelled to for some reason. Or perhaps she just has no idea how to start.]

So this is Draubwurld's chance to play advice columnist. About-

[There's another painful silence. Or space for a long suffering sigh.]

Relationships.

[Another pause and then suddenly she bursts into speech, going to quickly that it's a little frightening that someone's mouth can move that fast.]

I'm mean I can't be the only one, can I? Had someone back home and then ended up here. Or back here, technically, for me. And now you've got to figure out what's to be done about it. Can't stand around the station hoping your mobile will finally, someday, send them a text message back. The one that you meant to reply to before you showed up here.

If we're trapped here for years and age slowly, it's not quite going to work to just pop back in when the war is over. "Hey, sorry, got kidnapped by fairies 65 years ago, sorry about that, yeah I'd love to go to the cinema like you said in your text". And all the while, they've wondering why you went missing all those years ago.

[And there it is, the sigh.]

Do you just... remain loyal even if it means they might have forgotten you when you return? Or moved on? Or do you call it a wash and start thinking of this place as a new life.

Either way, feels like a bit of losing game, no matter what you do. Suppose that's part of war. But war doesn't usually last centuries. For humans like me, anyway.

[Then she realizes something she probably should have said way back from the start.]

Sorry. For the too much information. And the personal questions. And personal answers if-and-or-when they are given.

Thanks.

Comments

video.

[brainiest]

It is a little complicated, isn't it?

[ It had been when Ron was here. Things were already a little complicated back home, considering they were trying to help recover from a war while she was desperate to finish school, but he had turned up at one of the worst times. She had been so busy doing so many things that she hadn't given him the attention she was sure he deserved - and she had ended up regretting is, sourly. ]

I think... We're here. And if the people we love aren't we have to accept that they might not turn up. We can't just turn off how we feel, can we? If we like someone here then... Then we have to be happy.

[parallels]

'A little' is being kindly understated.

[Ah, Hermione. At the sound of a familiar voice, Clara flicks the locket to video. If only she knew how similar her struggles with Danny were to Hermione's with Ron. Driven women with priorities beyond relationships and struggles to figure out where those relationships fit.]

I suppose so. Or at least I'd want them to move on, go find another girl and do all this relationship stuff properly. Not wait for me endlessly. Hopefully, they think the same.

[It seems easy to say. A little too easy.]

[brainiest]

Isn't it always?

[ Hermione smiles when she sees Clara, lifting her hand and wiggling her fingers in a quick 'hello'. All of this is so complicated and the idea of people coming and go is still disconcerting and trying to fit some kind of relationship around that seems particularly difficult. Hermione is used to warlike situations; she knows how strained friendships and romances can get. ]

I'd want that too. It isn't fair, waiting for someone that might come back. [ She imagines Ron moving on to someone else and - it hurts, the idea of it, but she's learning to adapt here too. Feelings don't last forever and if she's gone long enough for him to think of her more... Nostalgically? She can't blame him for that. ] They deserve to be happy and so do we.

[parallels]

It is.

[Clara responds in the same, a little wave, but she quickly lets her hand drop as her expression darkens. She looks deeply pensive as she mulls over Hermione's words. She's been thinking the same thing, but it sounds so much clearer when said by someone else. She'd waited for the Doctor when he abandoned her. Known the struggles of starting every time she heard the TARDIS or his a voice that sounded like his. She'd never wish it on another person.]

They do deserve it. Danny- My boyfriend- he deserve to be happy. More than anyone I know.

[And she tried to make him happy. As best she could when trying to balance a life with the Doctor. A small part of her wonders if this wouldn't be for the better.]

And I'll manage myself well enough.

[brainiest]

I understand.

[ After everything they've been through? She knows Ron deserves to be happy, just as much (if not more) than she and Harry do. He had been a constant source of support and humour and something they had needed, which had been proven when he'd left and left a gap in their hearts. If she was going to be stuck here, fighting a way for decades longer than she should even be allowed to live then... Then he should be allowed to be happy. Just as much as she should.

She frowns, staring at her hands for a long moment. ]

I don't think we can let ourselves think of home while we know there's no way to go back for certain. It'll just hurt, won't it? And waiting and hoping for just one person to show up...

[ She remembers waiting, wondering if Ron would come back, sitting alone in a tent and crying. She can't do that again. ]

[parallels]

I suppose it's a clever way for them to make this all work. Pull us away from home. Let us realize we can't return and so all we have is to be here. And work for the court.

[The bitterness surprises even Clara. She thought that she'd gotten over the frustrations of being trapped here. And in some ways she has grown to enjoy the responsibilities and the travel that have been thrust upon her but she's never been able to shake the feeling that they're all just pawns in the monarch's plans.]

It hurts like hell, doesn't it?

[brainiest]

Just a bit.

[ It's like being cut off. She had always had Harry and Ron at her side and even though Harry is here he's worlds away from her, doing things and having adventures and troubles she can't even being to comprehend. When Ron was here it was a bit easier, but, at the same time... She can't wish for him to come back just as she can't wish that she stays feeling the way she does forever. It's not that simple and they both deserve to be happy. Everyone does. ]

It's a way of making us fight harder. That we're not just protecting ourselves but we're protecting the people at home, too.

[parallels]

Right. We have to fight harder to return home. Because otherwise we'll never see them again.

[It's exactly like being cut off. Or it was. It was worse when the Doctor wasn't there. But even now that he is, she can't help but feel distant from him. He's not in her court. They're not supposed to be on the same side.

She sighs, a bitter little sigh through her nose.]

I wish I even knew how to fight harder. This whole war is all muddled. As much as we it seems like it's just a conflict between two opposing sides, it's not that simple, not for us. [Not when someone you know is on the other side.]

[brainiest]

No, it's not. It's not as simple as black and white or good and evil. I know that.

[ She purses her lips. Voldemort had been easier; Voldemort had been evil and they'd had to destroy him. It was the only way to save all the people they cared about and everyone they loved - but here? There were people that could be defined as 'good' in the Unseelie court and she was sure there are some people that might be seen as 'bad' in the Seelie, too.

What was the right answer? ]

We just have to do whatever we can to keep going.

[parallels]

I don't think I'm the only one with friends in the other court.

[The smile on her face is bitter and the attempt to reign in it is minimal at best. The Doctor, he always managed to complicate things didn't he? But then she nods.]

We can't just sit around wait for something to happen. We've at least got to do something to make this turn out right.

[brainiest]

No, you're not. Neither of us are, we can't be.

[ She breathes out, trying to look a little less frustrated, shaking her head and pursing her lips before she tries to get herself to relax. The irritation and confusion is real, but at the same time --

what can she do for now? ]

We'll do whatever we can, right?

[parallels]

We can't be. [She agrees.] So when the day comes, and it will, they try to pit us against each other. Maybe something will happen. Something different.

[But then she nods.]

And whatever we can in the meantime. Right.

[brainiest]

Clara, if... [ She pauses, hesitating, before she offers a soft smile. ] If there's anything I can do to help you'll let me know, won't you?

[parallels]

I will.

I'll come by to talk to you later.

[Off the network where no one else can spy.]

[brainiest]

Just let me know? I'm not in Caer Glaem all the time now.

[parallels]

Me either.

I fancy myself a scout. Good excuse to get out and about.

[brainiest]

Have you found anything exciting?

[parallels]

It's who I find, more than anything.

[if you catch her drift]

[brainiest]

[ Her smile widens a little. ]

Who indeed. As long as you're keeping safe?

[parallels]

Doing my best.

At least I haven't run into any wolves or giants yet.

[brainiest]

In my experience? Giants just need a firm hand, especially young ones.