eachdraidh | audio; forward-dated to post-feast

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audio; forward-dated to post-feast

[ his arrival hadn't been graceful by any stretch of the imagination. in fact, mostly it had been a blur. his first conscious memories are of fire, burning alive as the silmaril sears through his hand and the flames take him. smoke lingers in the air around him, and there are voices, and the flames are gone and he is still here--

he doesn't remember, exactly, what had happened after that, but the beautiful rooms he's been given are destroyed, and his throat is raw, the echo of a shriek still caught there, and his only good hand burns and burns. he can't do this, can't do this, can't do this can't do this can't can't can't can'tcan'tcan't--

time. moments or hours or years, who is he to tell? these are not the halls, he knows, he's been denied even death. and there is laughter, soft, sly, purring at his ear. that voice will ever be with him, spreading its rot through his veins, flexing its claws against his heart-- until poison pumps through it, until it's darkness alone sustaining him. that voice, which had spoken to him when he'd lain shattered and barely comprehending.

kinslayer, it murmurs, and a void opens beneath maedhros, and he cannot remember-- kinslayer, what hast thou wrought for thyself? these are the fruits of thy labour. a deathless existence, an oath forever unfulfilled. family slain, people scattered, a legacy of destruction.

he grasps for something, anything, struggling through the mire of his mind: his hand clenches, fresh pain drowning out the whisper. he is in unfamiliar rooms, an unfamiliar place, and there had been creatures, strange creatures, and--

--and?

feverish eyes land on the locket, discarded and opened at his feet. speak, he remembers. speak, and he might be heard. but is there anyone, anyone at all, that he would wish to speak to?

if this is where the cursed sons of feanor are taken when denied death, then-- ]

I-- [ the voice is a harsh croak, as if its owner's throat has been stripped raw by screaming. even so.. even so, there may be something familiar in it. maedhros takes a trembling breath through his nose, curled and shaking, scorched and bleeding hand curled almost white-knuckled around the locket. but even so, there's only his voice to judge. ] --I seek the sons of Feanor, should they be here.

[ with a quiet snap, he shuts the locket and ends the message. ]

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This.. 'world'..

[ he trails off, but he doesn't have the energy to give it the thought it deserves. not right now.

at least this means that maglor is real, that he isn't a hallucination. and what does she mean, 'formerly'?

his jaw clenches at the mention of their father, though, pressing his fist against his mouth to keep a shriek from escaping. their father, their father had been there, or is there, and a part of him longs for a fond glance or a kind word, and the darker part of him wants to tear the life from his body again, himself. ]

.. Celegorm is elsewhere? [ he can't ask about feanor. he can't. ]

I'm sorry.

[ She rushes it in once she hears the strain in his voice. There's guilt in her voice and even as he can't see it, Alice is already raising her hands to her head, lightly tugging on her hair. It's an old habit from her youth -- she would pull out her hair when she was in duress. A lot of these old habits seem to be coming back, much to her dismay. There is no fear in Alice and yet she finds herself trembling, because it upsets her to say these things. ]

Well- The last I saw of him, it was not in good circumstances. That was weeks ago, I- well, there is no easy way to say it. He was killed in battle.

I'm sorry, sir, I didn't want to give you more stress.

[ killed. killed, he was killed, he was killed, and maedhros is too late to stop it. celegorm has been killed, and a part of him realizes that that wounded animal keen in the air is coming from him.

he presses his fist harder against his mouth, biting down, teeth cutting the flesh of his fingers as he struggles to adjust, to take that knowledge and place it somewhere that it can't hurt him. he needs to be strong.

this is the doom of their family, is it not? to suffer, to die. agony and grief and rage are their only birthright any longer. ]

No. [ he finally manages to find language again, strained and rasping, barely audible. ] No, do not.. apologize. I might have known.

[ For a moment, Alice doesn't say anything; even if he can't see it, she's shaking her head vehemently. How can she be so clueless and cruel? ]

But I am. I know what it is like to lose a sibling and it's an awful reminder.

'Tis not the first time I have lost him. [ a harsh breath, and by increments, he finds calm again. this girl, she sounds young, and the last thing she or anyone needs is maedhros falling apart. ]

I am sorry to hear about your own sibling. [ a moment, collecting what remains of gentler courtesies. ] .. I am Maedhros, eldest son of Feanor. May I ask your name?

[ She should be used to the hole in her life that was her family, especially Lizzie, after over ten years and yet it doesn't change. She can't imagine more years than that, possibly even centuries. It may be a good idea to never mention Alice struck Maglor in her anger for his despair when his brother went off to war.

She normally does not fall into uncomfortable silences, not like this. Any time she introduces herself to an elf, she just hopes they don't have the same reaction as Feanor by asking her why a human like her has the names that she does. ]

My name is Alice Liddell, Mr. Maedhros.

[Was it his eldest he was looking for? She's not sure, all she knows is that Feanor was very insistent on finding a red headed son and none have been present insofar. ]

Alice Liddell. [ he takes a moment to consider her name, gaze drifting to the locket. it's.. an unusual name, to be certain, but then.. this is not his world, is it? ] Would that we were meeting under better circumstances. Still.. I am grateful for your acquaintance and for the information you have provided. Thank you.

[ he would have discovered the truth about celegorm eventually-- better sooner than later, so that he can deal with all of this and bury it as deeply as he can. ]

[ After he repeats her name, Alice rushes in a better explanation of the meaning. ]

Yes. "Liddell" is my family name and "Alice" means "of nobility", but I am no such thing. My parents just liked it, that's- that's all.

[ Well, that's embarrassing. With a huff- ]

Oh, no, Mr. Maedhros, I understand and I am very sure Mr. Maglor will be very, very happy to see you. He deserves it, he's a very kind man.

[ he actually blinks as she rushes to explain herself, finally allowing himself to crack the smallest smile to himself. ]

Peace, Lady Alice. I find no fault with your name-- 'tis not my place, at the very least.

[ a kind man. yes.. if things had been different, if they'd never sworn the oath.. ]

He is. [ he's so weary, suddenly, it's all he can do to keep himself upright. ] I am glad that he has those here that think kindly of him.

[ She's relieved to hear that he doesn't insult her name or the ones who gave it to her. Not like Feanor. So far, it seemed like he was the only one readily to insult it. She mutters something that could possibly sound like a "thank you", but instead, Alice is very eager to have Maglor with a brother once again. ]

It is... rather hard to think of him otherwise. He has been nothing but ambicicle to me and others I've seen so far. A dark cloud seems to hang over his head, so I hope that your presence does him good in repayment of his kindness.

[ She's only been slightly miffed once with him and her weariness goes with any other stranger. ]

Mister Maedhros, I apologize once again, but might I ask you a question?

He has had no reason to be other than amicable, thankfully. At the least, I can stand at his side once more and protect him.

[ a slightly startled pause. ] .. Yes, of course.

Yes, that is what older siblings do. Perhaps knock some sense into him as well.

[ An awkward jab before Alice takes a deep breath, rushing through it so that she doesn't lose her bravado. ]

I have Mr. Celegorm's mare. I found her wandering around looking for him after the battle and I've looked after her since. But I understand if Celegorm's next of kin would like her back. That is, if you want her. She's a very pretty and friendly thing.

[ that actually startles him. definitely not the question he was expecting. and while a reliable horse would be a blessing, he thinks he'll manage without for a bit longer. ]

If the two of you are bonded, I would not seek to part you.

[ She does what she can to hold that tone of defeat. The mare is great company, for as much as someone like her despises human contact time to time, along with her rabbit. She is also a reminder of that battle, for it was a terrible battle and it was not only of his death, it was of those who lost their composure, revealing in their brutality.

Like Alice. ]

It wouldn't be a problem, I thought I would offer. Should anyone ever had anything of my elder sister's, I would have liked to back myself.

[ For the life of her, she can't understand why not, simply because all she has is Lizzie's bedroom key. ]

[ he makes a quiet, musing noise. ] I will ask Maglor. If it is your wish for us to take her, I will do so, but..

[ he trails off. ]

There is much I still have to discuss with my brother.

No, sir, it is merely an offer; it wouldn't be right if I didn't tell any of you in the first place. But seeing to your brother comes first, not some silly worry.

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