second shot ☢ VOICE - VIDEO (open to seelie & unseelie)

[mixcds]

[It's take a lot of building himself up to making this broadcast. First, he starts with voice. ]

Err - listen, Jem, if you're listening in, close your locket over.

[It's an odd thing to say, but when Kieren switches to video, it should become apparent why. He's bare faced, eyes white with star burst pupils. The more they get used to the light, the more they'll start to look like pin-pricks as the video goes on. There's dark, purple-blue circles under his eyes and a yellowish tint around them. His mouth is blue and slightly black at the sides. He swallows out of habit, the feeling of a phantom lump lingering in his throat.

He looks like death, quite literally. There's a reason he's been mostly using the audio option to communicate. ]

I guess I just wanted to offer full disclosure here. To both courts, really.

[He chews his lower lip. ] So, some of you know my sister already? I don't know how much she's told you about home, if she has at all. But she might have mentioned something called 'The Rising'. You can probably tell where this is going.

[He has no idea how Simon can be so confident about what he is, at home. He wishes he were here now, for support. ]

If she hasn't, well - the dead rose from their graves and started eating brains for a while. It was - well. It wasn't really ideal. I was one of them.

[Well - it feels sort of good to have that off his chest. ] I'm better now, obviously. No brain eating or anything like that. No eating much of anything, really. I just wanted to be honest, I suppose. Better that than keeping it a dirty secret.

[He sucks in a breath. ] So yeah. That's that, then.

Comments

[munies]

[ she's a little surprised by it, but not put off. it's not the same as trying to make sense of Munies, or even Cranks, but she's had this kind of discussion before. it's actually not that hard for her to wrap her head around. it's just- interesting, hearing it from someone who's actually going through it and not just speculating about what it would be like to have to do so ]

It's okay. I don't think you really have to put a label on it, as cliche as that is to say. And to continue on with cliches, you're right, people aren't people because of how their insides function, it's all about memories, experience. Feelings. So yeah, I'd say you're very much a person.

[ no, she's not awesome at talking people down from things like this. she's trying! but her mind's a bit critical and so the next thing that blurts out is only half a joke, and half- totally serious ]

-- And scientifically speaking, biologically, you're actually pretty incredible.

[ she tried. ]

I don't know what it's like being in your position, not really. Not specifically. But I do know what it's like being dead, and then being back, and not really feeling- real. Because it's impossible? And death is supposed to be final, there shouldn't be a time where you need to come to terms with your own death, however it happened. So there's that. And then there's trying to figure out how to be alive again. And it all sucks. But I think it's okay to not really know for sure, "what" that makes you, all things considered. I don't think we'll ever be able to figure it out.

[mixcds]

[It's nice to hear it. He heard it a lot, in Norfolk, back when he was in therapy and trying to convince himself he was a human being. His doctor used to repeat it over and over. But it's nice to hear it from an outside perspective. Not many people in Roarton think he's a person with the same rights or even the same emotions.

He nods, just to let her know he's listening. And then, after a long moment: ]

Thank you. I didn't think I'd ever hear anyone say that to me so bluntly.

[There's his mum, dad and Jem. Even Simon - but there's always a lot of tip-toeing around the subject. ]

When I died, I was so relieved and then suddenly, I was just. Roaming. Hungry and angry, for such a long time.

[munies]

[ she shouldn't ask this, she knows that even before she blurts it out, but- ]

You were relieved when you died?

[ she almost hates that this is over the lockets, that they're just talking to screens instead of- actually being there talking in person, but it's too late now. ]

I was scared. Really, really scared.

[mixcds]

[He's quiet for a long time. He's come to terms with his death and the consequences as much as he can. He's not sure he'll ever forget the grief he caused his parents or the way his sister went to off-rail.

But he understands scared. ]

Yeah, I was. I was so relieved and so tired. I was scared my whole life, I think. I liked to dress different and act different but I was always so scared of everything. By the time I got to - well. By the time I did what I did, I didn't have it in me to be scared any more.

[He closes his eyes. ]

Why were you scared, Teresa?

[munies]

[ oh.

she's starting to make the comparisons to Newt now too, although she knows she shouldn't. it's difficult to think about. but it's hard not to, considering- well, lots of things ]

Oh, ah.

It's a little cliche, now that I think back on it. We were fighting for our lives, pretty literally. But none of that was scaring me because everything felt like it was clicking into place, that we were going to make it out. Finally. And then- we were in this big, big building and the roof started to collapse in huge chunks of- [ she huffs, her brow furrowed ] I was scared because I knew Thomas was going to get hurt, I saw it happening and I just- reacted. I shoved him out of the way.

It was probably the most impulsive thing I've ever done.

[mixcds]

That was really brave of you. I think anyone would be scared during that, Teresea.

[He's starting to understand her a bit better. Thomas is still a mystery; the wide eyed, frightened stares Kieren gets will baffle him probably forever. But Teresea, he's getting.

He purses his lips together. ]

Would you do it differently, if you could?

[munies]

No.

[ that's an easy question to answer, at least. ]

Would you?

[ not that she knows the details, but... maybe he'll get why it's so easy for her to feel that way, not wanting to change anything. she still believes it was the right thing, but once was enough. ]

[mixcds]

[He smiles, wry. ]

Isn't that the question of the year. I don't know.

[He looks down. ] I caused my family a lot of grief. But I met some of the best friends of my life, now. It's hard to say.