eachdraidh | fourth bull ( memory )

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fourth bull ( memory )

[Two women speak grandly before a mirror. One is the blond many Seelie have come to know as Lucrezia Borgia, standing in the very elegant dress she arrived in. It is not yet finished though, the older woman whose beauty nearly outshines Lucrezia's stands behind her with a her sleeve, fixing the gold ribbons and comparing their dresses. Despite it all, Lucrezia seems happy. She speaks of her wedding and she should be, though something lurks behind her eyes, something no one seems to address.]

My mother's favorite color is apricot. It would not do well to outshine her. [Lucrezia turns back to the woman, much like a child who is trying to gain power when someone already has it. She speaks well to Guilia, but this woman is not her mother. She has replaced her.

But Lucrezia's mood soon shifts. Guilia tells her that it is not possible, and Lucrezia frowns at the idea of more secrets.

This is no secret. Guilia does not speak about Lucrezia's mother, but there is more there, a tone that speaks of Guilia's nobility and Lucrezia's mother's lack of. Guilia is kind, but Lucrezia will not see to this. This is her wedding, and she cares little about anything save her mother's attendance. She has already voiced her opinion on this marriage and has lost a dear friend for what she suspects was money for her dowry.

So she barges into the room where her father and brother are. The pope is sitting in all white, adorned just as one would imagine the pope would be adorned with. Cesare is more simple, in black and across from the Holy Father. Rodrigo thinks she has come to show her beautiful town made of pearls and gold fabric, but Lucrezia is too distressed to placate him. She wants answers. He stands, and she approaches, frustration writ across her face.

He has hurt her already.]

You are the Pope of Rome, but surely the Pope of Rome would not bar my mother from my wedding day. [Her voice cracks, and Rodrigo looks sourly. He has the look he has given Lucrezia many times: it is for the family. But she cannot accept this, and her heart breaks as he looks to Cesare, trying for a way out. But Cesare does not stand with him. So Lucrezia follows her father, begging in her tone.]

I will gladly marry who you choose, what your politics demand, the Borgia family will be united with the Sforza's but-- [She moves around him, trying to pin him to one place so he must answer her. There are tears in her eyes, and she is pleading with him, and clearly by all that is said between the lines, it is not the first time.]

However noble their lineage is they cannot bar my mother from my wedding day.

[Rodrigo tries to patronize her, tell her these are not issues for her to dwell on. But she won't have it. She snaps back:]

But I am learning, Holy Father! She was once what they call a courtesan and you are the Pope of Rome, but you loved her once. As I do now, and I will have my mother at my wedding day.

[Rodrigo looks uncomfortable, while Cesare looks onto the scene mostly helpless. Her father turns to leave, to hear no more of this as her tears are already falling. Cesare tries to console her, bringing her away from the door, but she cries out.]

Please, Holy Father! I need you both there. My father and my mother.

[The door is closed in her face as she sobs, moving away from her brother to leave. Not even he can comfort her for he has done nothing to protect her from this as he has done nothing to protect her from this wedding.]

ooc: so I'm on hiatus but I really wanted to post this since people seeing this and addressing it's contents needed to happen. However Lucrezia isn't going to be answering the post, mostly heartbroken and shamed. If anyone wants to plot with me for running into her after pm me or plurk me at

xdombillyx.

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No. [She shook her head.]

I wished for your affections, and I received them with kind smiles and flirtations. It was wrong of me, but I-- [She thought she could keep the two speedster. That this world was unaffected by her own. And then the Italian boy arrived. And now this.]

I never wish to return home, to him. He is cold man with dark eyes and no gentle words on his tongue for me or my mother. He says little, and in the morning we depart for his lands, and I pray each night to whatever gods are listening I do not wake up in my fair Rome. I would never leave here if I could. I would not leave you.

[He wonders who this man is. Was it the man from the dream who tried to hold her and wordlessly said nothing about her mother? Was it another? He didn't know, but he disliked the notion that she should be made to wed some strange man and to be taken away. He wanted her to be treated better.

Certainly he knew he would treat her better.]

Why would your father make you marry him?

The simple answer is his armies. [The true version requires a very long history lesson of Italy.] His family is one of the Italian families, where I am from. Another country has claim on a kingdom within Italy, and they threaten to take it and with that threat comes the dethroning of my father.

I wed a man twice my age for men that will bleed for my father. [It is said emotionlessly, the true pain in the fact there is none in her words.]

For the family.

Bloody hell. [He doesn't know what to make of it. He was born on the streets. He doesn't know about politics or wars. He just knows that war means the common people get trampled on.

But apparently, so do other people. Women like Lucrezia.]

None of us should have to go back. Not for things like that.

I am not yet his. In words, yes. But-- I could still have the marriage annulled. [Not that it is likely to happen back home. Her father is the only one that could do it, and this is a series of actions which have already started. He would not likely go back on it.]

I fell asleep at the table, and my brother brought me to my own bed. I woke up here, the night we met. [Her words are subtle, but she means to say that the marriage has yet to be legitimate. That in the eyes of her laws and her society, she is still technically an unclaimed woman. It is one of the few things that could get her out of this wedding. She fears it will not be long until even that does not matter.]

I had never meant to deceive you, Gendry. You and Lady Alayne are my closest companions here. [She means to bring Sansa up for a very good reason. While Sansa is physically running from people that would harm her, she still fears what Giovanni would do if he were here.] While lies of omission are still a sin, and I do ask for your forgiveness, perhaps I just wished to be...

[A pause.]

Happy.

[Happy thought it might have made her, it made him feel a fool. And a used fool, at that. Close companion or not, he had been led to think he could be more and that he might just be worthy of her. But it was only a flight of fancy to forget about an unhappy marriage.]

You did what you had to, m'lady. Simple as that.

You would do better. [She does not clarify if she means better than her or better than Giovanni.]

I tell plenty of lies, m'lady. I'm no better. Certainly not better'n you.

I owe you greatly for you kindness still.

You was kind to me first. I've only been trying to pay that back, is all.

You have never owed me anything, Gendry. You indulged a highborn when you owed her nothing to begin with. You taught me to be helpful.

I figure we could talk all day about who owes who what, m'lady, and all that would be owed is the two of us being clouted on the head. Truth of it is, I think we both did each other a bit of good.

[She's confessed what he's done for her, which he reckons to be little. But she's given him a confidence he didn't have and a desire to be more than he'd ever been before. She didn't just offer it to him, but she made him want it as well.

But what stings is that he'd reckoned she would be a part of it. Now, he was not so certain.]

[The fact is she knows something is wrong, and she tries to compensate for it by insisting that he is good for her, that she needs him even if it is just a want. Perhaps it is not right or selfish, but if this was her choice she would choose him. She would not return home.]

What is it then, Gendry? I would have you speak plainly to me. For this matter-- [She almost whines, taking another breath from emotions.] For I want us to be right. I want to have what we were, and perhaps it is selfish, but I can attest that I do not wish to toy with you, for you are no plaything and I am not a child.

But I would think well on your feelings, and if you would have nothing to do with me, I would understand well. You are a knight and honorable. [And these are things she still believes to exist, not just the wants of others to play pretend at them, to use words like honor as shields while they hold a weapon in their other hand.]

No. I'm not. I'm not really a knight. I'm not all that honorable either. I was knighted by an outlaw, Lucrezia. [She asked for him to speak plain, so he does it now and forgoes titles.] I was never squired. I don't know half the oaths I'm supposed to follow.

[He lets out a breath, because he admits something so utterly irrelevant. But if her own secret is being hung out like this, he may as well admit his own. It puts them on somewhat equal ground.]

Your being married don't bother me. Not really. If he came here, I'd kill him if you asked. But that ain't properly honorable, is it? And even if you don't think it, you deserve someone decent. Somewhat smart, what can dress decent and knows all the right sort of things to say. The likes of me are wasted on you. And don't say it ain't so. You know it's true as much as I do.

Perhaps there is no such thing as honorable. But there is good, and you are good, sweet Gendry. [She is near tears again, though there is a smile buried behind the emotion.]

I had all those things. Giovanni Sforza is learned, skilled, has wealth and land and armies. He has gold and fine, beautiful clothes. And yet, I fear him. I wish for a man to love me, to be tender, to wish to touch me. I have gold and clothes, and I can teach you etiquette if you wish it, but I cannot teach goodness.

I care little for what you do not have, but for what you already possess.

[Sweet Gendry. Who would have ever called him that before? It still seems a jape that anyone should want his company. She asks for so little! And yet, it seems so much. He did not know how to be tender, nor did he know how to love. He knew desire and he knew things could be bought, but things that were given was something different. It was something he was not sure he really even believed in.]

What I have... you might find it ain't enough.

Do you believe me so fickle? Or do you truly think so low of yourself? Here, we can be whatever we wish. To start anew. If you wish to be more, not just for my sake, but for your own doing, then do so. Any woman would find you more desirable for doing so. Your parents mean little here, as do mine. You have a place here, and a world at your fingertips.

And if you are happy and settled, then I would be, because I know you have done what your heart told you to.

It's not about you being high or me being so low. It's... something I've got to work out, is all.

[All this talk of love and being happy and settled... it's fast for him. He likes her and he finds her attractive, but he needs time to figure out what all that means. He knows that some men would not hesitate, but Gendry is slow and meticulous when it comes to things, whether it be crafting armor or a relationship.]

[She pauses and gives him a nod. Lucrezia understands but only barely. That it is for him to settle with himself, and perhaps it has nothing to do with her.]

I do think highly of you though. You should know.

I do know. What you've done and said, it's meant much to me. All that business with marriage don't change that.

[She looks a little more relieved, face softening with a tiny smile.]

Good. I had meant every word.

I've meant mine, too. I'll be glad, when I'm back.

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fourth bull ( memory )

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