eachdraidh | Video (Seelie & Hermione-Net Compass)

For anyone who doesn't know me, my name's Steve Rogers. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to meet many of you at the feast. Things came up, but I at least wanted to introduce myself.

[For reasons, curiosity. Maybe he's a limited edition but he's definitely not one of a kind.]

I also wanted to talk about something else. Some of you might remember Sam Wilson - in fact, if you ever met him, I'm willing to bet that you do. Sam served two tours in the military, so he could definitely hold his own in a fight. But what he really loved to do was help people. My entire world had turned its back on me, and Sam took me in, made me bacon and eggs. That's the kind of friend I hope to be to anyone who'd call me one.

[Emphasis on 'anyone'.]

Sam's gone now, but he started working on something before he left. It's a clinic, he called it The Nest. There's some medicine and stuff there, but it was more than that. It was a place for people to come if they just needed to talk, or if they needed to rest. I never realized it before, but sometimes in a war people need that as much as they need bandaging up.

[Steve pauses there to take deep breath. Here comes the hard part.]

This is my friend's legacy, and I've tried to keep it afloat. The problem is, I don't know how. And it's hard for me to ask for help sometimes.

[He can barely even maintain eye contact. But the same thing keeps going through his head, fuels him on: for Sam.]

But if you have anything to offer...if you have medical knowledge or if you're just a good listener, even if you want somewhere else to stay. There's a place for you here.

I guess that's it. Again, welcome, and try to watch yourselves out there.

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You thank me for something I can't control.

[ Mako teases him gently. The aroma is mellow, clean with a touch of sweetness, to cleanse as much as it is to invigorate. She's lucky that she'd found such tea leaves here, and she takes a sip of her own.

Steve's secret is safe with her, to be sure. She had never seen the point in opposing sides, and has even less interest in fighting a fellow human being. She didn't save the world from rampaging kaiju for this shit.

Mako reaches for the bent boxes and opens them, handing one over to him with a plastic fork and spoon. ]

Tell me more about your friend.

I suppose you had nothing to do with this either.

[Steve teases back when she offers him the box. Steve eats to stay alive, but for once he feels an actual appetite coming on. He digs in with the fork, but starts to answer before he takes a bite.]

We've known each other since were were kids. We did everything together. Sold newspapers, went to the movies, looked up at the stars. We were more like brothers than friends.

[Or boyfriends.]

Oh, I had everything to do with this. I accept compliments for lunch.

[ Mako's smile is just a little wicked and a lot sassy. She's pleased when he's digging in with enthusiasm, quietly proud that she's made something he enjoys. She tucks in, chopsticks delicately picking up choice morsels as she listens to his story, and the fondness with which he tells it. Imagine that, being so close with someone that you could love them more than life itself. ]

Is he a soldier like you, too?

He beat me to it.

[Steve smiles up at her.]

Part of the reason I wanted to go into the Army was so I could follow him.

[But he looks down at his lunch again after he says that. He grows quiet. Steve isn't sure if he should tell her the rest of it. He swallows hard and finally speaks again.]

Bucky would've followed me into the jaws of death. And in a way, he did.

[ Mako's smile dissolves in the face of such incredible, haunting sadness. The look in Steve's eyes is like nothing she's ever seen, and everything she knows. He's lost his whole world before, and she understands. ]

I see. [ And she's learned that there are no words that can alleviate that kind of loss. ] In a way?

I thought he died while on a mission with me.

[But obviously he didn't, even if bringing people back from the actual dead isn't beyond the drabwurld's power.]

He was a prisoner of war. He was brainwashed, used. He's still recovering from that. [He shrugs helplessly.] I do what I can, but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough.

[Sometimes, he says.]

[ ...Oh.

Difficult moments, difficult truths -- she can see that it's twisted him up inside, hurt him on so many, many profound levels, and she feels her heart ache for his evident helplessness. To be unable to help someone you love; that's the most terrible, awful thing.

There are no amount of platitudes that can ease a hurt like this, a wound that doesn't close, and she pauses for a moment, considering him quietly. ]

Why do you feel that way?

I guess...I just want to see him happy. And I'm never really sure if he is.

[Steve smiles at her before turning his attention back to his food.]

I know he's never going to be the same person he used to be. I think he still believes that I'm expecting that sometimes.

[ Mako wonders if he realizes it, if he knows that the smile never quite reaches his eyes, or that he wears his heart on his sleeve when you discover just where to look. He's hurting, and she's sure, so is his friend.

She has no answers for him, only: ] You can't hope to save another person when you're drowning, yourself. Are you happy?

I don't know.

[It's so easy to say these days, so easy to admit.]

I have moments where I am. The rest of the time, I just get by.

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