video » One Penny

[impathy]

[Open]

It's a fine day for sunshine. I find myself pitying those who choose to live beneath stones and only play at seeing sunlight. The real thing is not so easy to replicate. It seems to be getting warmer as well. Summer Is Coming, as they might say in my own Westerlands. If there is anything to love about this world, it is the peculiarly short seasons. It is a strange thing to have them all wrapped up in one year. I find myself wondering how it is you're able to keep track of them when they each go by so swiftly. It is near spring, but I'm told it will only be a few months long with more certainty than even the wisest maesters can manage - and this from an ill-bred soldier with scant few hairs on his lip.

I will say this for the south, however. It is blessed with very few imps.

[Locked to the Unseelie]

I've spent an uncomfortably long time in Seelie lands these past few weeks, though I am to understand a fairy ring is not so far off ahead of me. Would that we had such things in my own seven kingdoms, I might have done a fair bit more traveling. Though I confess I find it terribly disappoint how utterly small this world is made out to be. Is it truly a void beyond the oceans? I would imagine that it could not have always been that way. Certainly there had to be something far off out there, beyond where ships are able to reach.

In any case, I do have a point beyond the tedium of long riding. My name is Tyrion Lannister, which may not merit much weight here, but I was known as the King's Hand and the Master of Coin where I was from. I excelled in both duties and while I have no mind to butcher my features in further battles, I would see my skills put to proper use still. There is a certain spire that I feel might benefit from my talents and so it is there I mean to go. But I am given to understand there are a number of spires in all and would be only too glad to find other similar minded individuals to begin making certain investments. I do not yet have all my wealth at my disposal, but I promise you I always pay my due. A Lannister always pays his debts.

There is one other matter. Briefly for a time there were two of my kin here. My brother Jaime Lannister and my bastard nephew, Joffrey. Did anyone perchance to meet either of them? I know they are long gone from this world, but I would be interested to know if there was anything they might have left behind.

Comments

[impathy]

My aim is to avoid that situation entirely.

[withbite]

You're not playing along properly. You're supposed to go 'Oh, gee, yes, I would like to have at least one evening where I can keep my precious gold in my little purse thing and still enjoy the pleasure of whoring. Where do I sign up?'

[impathy]

I've never been known to play along with the rules. But if you mean to employ me by simply hiring whores for me, then I will have to decline. Arrogant though it might be, I prefer to think I command a higher salary than that.

[withbite]

Is there a translation gap because of the size difference? A night of free whores isn't payment. It's a bonus. Really, keep up here, buddy. As for paying you in general, I still need proof you're worth it. I don't mind forking out for fun for a night or three, but if money is changing hands, I expect you to be worth it.

[impathy]

Oh, I'm well worth it. But as it happens, I have already been offered a fort, a shardbearing whore, and an indecent amount of partying. You're doing a poor job of bartering thus far.

[withbite]

I haven't seen anything worth offering more for. If it's just counting money, I've got a multitude of decades under my belt for that. Though, I suppose if anything, this little conversation has made me realize I should get some sort of accountant/housekeeper myself.

[impathy]

Certainly. We are terribly useful creatures, all in all. It allows you to spend more time pursuing your own carnal desires.

[withbite]

There's just not enough time for me to pursue it as much as I'd like.

[More's the pity.]

But, if you pass by this way, maybe there'll be a room for you to crash in for the night.

[impathy]

Oh, I suppose I might. Your spire sounds promising enough. I suspect that in time, I'll want to see all ten of them.

[withbite]

You could make a tour of it. Go on a "Spire of the Unseelie" adventure and see what the differences are between each one. Now I'm going to have to paint.

[impathy]

No doubt every baron and baroness will want to brag about how their spires are so much taller and thicker than all the others. It will be tiring to climb up the top of every single one of them to see which one tells it true.

[withbite]

[That got a laugh out of him.]

Only the male barons will be that cocksure. If they want to show it off to you, make them do the walking. Enjoy the ride.

[impathy]

[The thought of being carried makes him cringe. He has far too much pride for that.]

I would prefer to wait on the ground and wave at them once they've reached the tip of the top. It will make it far more entertaining to watch if they should perchance slip afterward.

[withbite]

Or throw someone off. There you go. You can make a game of how many times a body bounces when they're thrown off the top. That can be your gauge.

[impathy]

A difficult game to find volunteers for, I should think.

[withbite]

Ha ha. Volunteers. You're almost a pint-sized ball of adorable naivety.

[impathy]

Certainly. Innocent as the day I was born.

[Though he would be counted a kinslayer that day. In any case, he might reserve Damon's spire as a visit very, very far off in the future. He was already recalling the stories of Maegor the Cruel. Would that I could be truly that naive.]

[withbite]

[Rude, Tyrion. He wasn't that bad. He was just... a vampire. DWI.]

Sure you are. Well, you go have fun on your little yellow brick road. I'm going to put out a call for a secretary. Or housekeeper. Or... I don't know. Something so I don't have to do any work.

[impathy]

I'll wish you the best of luck. I'm certain they will leap at the chance for free whoring.

[withbite]

Now I'm going to have to find one that's as good of a kiss-ass as you.

[Quiet for a moment.]

No, Fernando. I'm not hiring you to kiss my--

Okay, we're done here.