eachdraidh | ✈ fifth snowy flight ❄

[The locket seems to be set up on a counter in a bedroom in the Station. To the side of the screen, there appears to be a small miniature ice sculpture of a pine tree, sparkling from the glow of the fireplace in the far background. Jack makes final adjustments in angling the locket just right to show off his crystal art project as well as his own smirking face.]

Alright, there's a whole ton of you out there that are either old and ancient or from some weird world that never got to know the cool Earth holidays, so lucky you — I'm here to provide you with a little Q&A on what Christmas is.

It doesn’t make any sense. It’s Father Christmas’s birthday but … not his birthday, too? Why is he giving out gifts for some other guy? [ OH, LOOK, one confused Viking is sitting on the bed. Hiccup gestures animatedly. ] Jack, your gods aren’t making any sense, even Loki’s more organised than this.

[The winter spirit rolls his eyes, waving a hand to hush the man behind him, keeping his attention on the locket instead of addressing him.]

The point is: you set up a ton of colorful lights around, you toss up a big tree to get sap all over your fingers, and then you find presents underneath it on the morning of the 25th. [That’s about the gist of it, right?] Look, I’m not big on bribing kids with gifts, but it does get people slacking off from all that serious crap so they can run outside and make a snowman or something. Gotta give it props for that.

So, basically, it’s Snoggletog without Thor. [ Flatly voiced from the peanut gallery. ] Boy, does that sound like a hoot.

No, no. [He finally turns his back to face Hiccup, shaking a pointed finger at him.] Don’t compare it to your aggressive “missing toes” Viking catastrophe of a holiday. [Turning back to the locket:] Just to be clear — mistletoe, that little plant that’s hung up everywhere on ceilings during the month, means you kiss the person you’re caught under it with — it’s not for punching them, as some people believe.

[ Wow, Hiccup’s just going to fold his arms right now. So rude. ]

I could always dredge up the will to punch you, if you’re getting tired of hanging out under mistletoe and suffering the other option.

[ No, he couldn’t. But he can say he might!! ]

Uh huh, sure. [With a momentary deadpan expression, Jack finally just shrugs with a sigh.] Anyway, I know the guy who hands out the presents, been in his secret lair in the North Pole and everything, so if you want to know more about elves — the small critter-like ones who don’t actually wrap the presents — or yetis, caroling and eggnog, whatever, I can fill in all the blanks for you.

[A pause before he adds:] Just do me a favor, be a pal, and run out to play in the snow for a bit, got it?

Excuse you, I am known for my incredibly artistic Snow Furies, Jack. Just because I don’t go prancing around yelling about how great winter is doesn’t mean I don’t know how to have fun.

First of all, I was talking to them, not you. Second, winter is great and I don’t think you understand how—

I’m Jack Frost, I can’t help kissing aaaall the snowflakes because I’m in love with them—

[The bickering continues for however long. Interruptions for questions would be more than welcome at this point.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This conversation is really getting better the longer it continues.

Then what, do you want to go back to discuss the meaning of Christmas?

There is no meaning to Christmas, just like with Snoggletog. You get drunk, you share gifts, it's a time of year to be slightly less violent to your neighbours. That's all.

That is... [He raises a finger.] ...actually pretty accurate. [Then he drops it.] With that ideology in mind then, I advice you to stay away from Christmas specials.

What kind of thing qualifies as a 'special'?

Oh boy... [Looks like he's gonna have to do some explaining too, huh. Ok better this than arguing over voices.] Alright, you guys-- you're also at the Station, right? Have you ever used the television? Or the computers? Do you know what a tv show is or I need to start from the beginning?

Yeah, I'm familiar with all that junk.

[A frown and... maybe a bit of a glare. Excuse you, what are you calling junk?]

...right. Every time a holiday comes around, but especially for Christmas season, they start showing episodes and movies dedicated to the celebrations. They are usually very emotional and sappy, concentrated on reminding you that the real meaning of Christmas is love and family and not just food and toys. Lots of special things happen then too, which is why people use the expression "a Christmas miracle".

[ All the boring stuff that isn't anywhere as cool as flying, duh. Even if it's ... still neat. But neat junk. ]

I think Jack believes he's a Christmas miracle.

[Okay, that has him laughing. Maybe you aren't that bad, Hiccup. (Machines are still not junk though.)]

He has his own movies too so... [A shrug.] Try throwing salt at him, maybe that calms him down. [Hard to tell if he's being serious or not. THAT'S FOR THE VOICE COMMENTS, JACK.]

I don't know, throwing salt at him might actually hurt the guy. I don't want to go that far. Plus, he really might cry if I start melting all his snow.

[ He wouldn't put it past him. ]

What are the movies called? I bet I could find one on a Lap Top sometime.

I haven't seen the whole station yet but I don't think there's enough salt to get rid of all his snow.

[He blinks for a second, then chuckles. Oh, that sure is funny (in a good way. kinda cute way actually).]

On the laptop, yes. Ah, let me see... You have Michael Keaton's 90s movie, that's called just "Jack Frost". He's also in "The Santa Clause", the second or the third, I'm not sure now. There are a few tv specials for the kids... Oh wait, there's another 90s movie with his name, but those are about a murdering snowman, so I wouldn't get anywhere near that unless you actually enjoy bad horror flicks.

That's what I said, the Lap Top.

[ !! It's all in the cadence but whatever. Same diff. ]

A murdering snowman? That sounds insane!

Thaaaat is actually not the worst of horror, so maybe you'll be better avoiding the whole genre. [Trust him on this one.] I'm actually using the computers now, I can download the movies and let them ready to watch later. [Hear that sound in the background? It's the printer.]

... Down Load?

[ SQUINTS. ]

[...this is gonna take a while, isn't it?]

Do you know what the internet is?

Yeah, it's the thing on the computers that lets you search for stuff. The Why Fie is in the air at the Station, right?

Exactly! That "stuff" is in the internet, and by downloading it, you put in your computer, tablet, phone, or any device. It makes accessing what you want easier, faster, more practical, and still available if the wifi isn't working.

[Thank goodness Hiccup already understands the basics.]

If I download the movies, you won't have to search for them. They'll be here on the computers ready to be watched. Preferably with snacks like popcorn and sugary drinks.

I'm not that keen on sugar, but the rest sounds great and really helpful. Thank you, Strange Person Whom I Have Never Met Before.

Popcorn can be made with salt too. [Chuckling, he puts up a hand in greeting.] David Stutler. And no problem, this is... my thing.

✈ fifth snowy flight ❄ — video (both courts)

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