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[tacticalturtleneck]

Look, let's make something clear here.

[DEEP BREATH.]

Killing other people? Who cares. I can name about a billion people who don't even deserve to take another breath.

Killing alligators and crocodiles? Wipe them out. What are they good for other than looking stupid and starring in movies that are only awesome because of the actors.

But...

But...

Killing the King of Beasts? Not cool at all. He's probably this super awesome creature who just wants to hang out, drink a beer, and have fun but nooooooooooooo. You idiots have to run around and act like he needs to be dead.

I don't want to hear shit about how it wants to be killed. Assisted suicide is sick! Just catch him and take him to a psychologist or something. Don't enable that kind of thing. It's racist...or something along those lines.

Jesus.

[Don't mind him as he drains this bottle of alcohol. A rant like that makes his throat dry, that's all.]

Comments

[topmodel]

I mean a one-on-one battle that follows the rules and customs of my world. No magic involved.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Why your world and not mine? I mean, if we're on this subject, my world is probably objectively superior.

[topmodel]

Why not my world? Unless you don't think you can keep up?

[plus, it's been too long since she got to fight anything other than sparring partners and demon dogs.]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Because I'm not a fucking moron!

No magic allowed? I've seen enough to know where that goes! It means you're probably going to whip out some kind of genetic mutation and fleece my guts while screaming "IT'S NOT MAGIIIIIIIIIIC!!!".

[topmodel]

Genetic mutation...

[she reaches off screen to pick up her pipe, taking a drag and then exhaling the smoke. she needs it before she breaks her composure and starts laughing again.]

No. That's the realm of science fiction.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Scientifically, that's arguable. I mean, we already have cyborgs and stuff. Who knows what Commie crackpot scientist has tried to do to the human genome.

[topmodel]

Are you genetically mutated?

[fair question, and it would also explain his behavior.]

[tacticalturtleneck]

No, I'm just the best special agent and spy on the planet Earth. If awesome is a superpower, then yes, I'm totally a mutant.

[topmodel]

Then there's even more reason that we should proceed according to the rules of my world. If you want acknowledgement of your capabilities as a spy, then you should be able to find out how to battle me.

[tacticalturtleneck]

....I get to know the choice of weapons a week ahead of time.

[topmodel]

Three days ahead of time.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Fine. But if I win, you're totally banging me.

[topmodel]

I said "consider."

[and that's when she closes the locket.]