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[tacticalturtleneck]

Look, let's make something clear here.

[DEEP BREATH.]

Killing other people? Who cares. I can name about a billion people who don't even deserve to take another breath.

Killing alligators and crocodiles? Wipe them out. What are they good for other than looking stupid and starring in movies that are only awesome because of the actors.

But...

But...

Killing the King of Beasts? Not cool at all. He's probably this super awesome creature who just wants to hang out, drink a beer, and have fun but nooooooooooooo. You idiots have to run around and act like he needs to be dead.

I don't want to hear shit about how it wants to be killed. Assisted suicide is sick! Just catch him and take him to a psychologist or something. Don't enable that kind of thing. It's racist...or something along those lines.

Jesus.

[Don't mind him as he drains this bottle of alcohol. A rant like that makes his throat dry, that's all.]

Comments

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[herotypical]

[ deep breaths because it's really freaking disarming to agree with this walking delusion of a man. ]

Funny -- [ the slayer's voice is cool. distant. passionless, one might even accuse. ] Do you even know a billion peoples' names?

[ after all, he claims he could name a billion... ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Mohammed.

....seriously, do you know how many people have that name? Probably about a billion.

[herotypical]

That's cheating.

[tacticalturtleneck]

HAH!

I'll take that "Always Right" award now!

[herotypical]

I think you mean always cheap.

[ because that's cheap and you're cheap and she's surly. and a poor loser. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Same shit.

Seriously though, don't kill awesome things.

[herotypical]

Hey. I'm with you on this one, double-oh-seven. I only wear faux fur.

[ of course, she might have slain a few hell-hounds in her day. and other majestically evil beasties. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Then what's the issue here? God, you'd think you're just arguing for the sake of arguing!

[herotypical]

[ it's been known to happen. ]

More importantly -- are you really hoping to stop the gung-ho hunting types with just a rousing speech? You may have to do better than that. At least PETA throws paint.

[tacticalturtleneck]

As if that would work on idiots. If I see anyone trying to do something sneaky, I'll shoot them in the face.

Between you and me, I've got a pistol. I'd like to see some of these backwoods losers try to figure that out.

[Archer doesn't keep secrets ever.]

[herotypical]

So. Between you and me and everyone listening in -- you know these lines aren't secure, right?

[ awh look she's using espionage talk just to make you feel more at home. oooor she's mocking you. one of the two. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

.....

[Taking another drink off screen.]

I'm too drunk to care about that.

[herotypical]

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the hero of all majestic wildlife everywhere: too drunk to function at a reasonable professional level.

[ and they were so close to agreeing. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Hire me for something and we'll talk about professionalism. Until then, keep your shit up your own ass.

[herotypical]

[ a waggle of her hand. ]

Fine. Your hired. Go...safe-guard the hart. Deer. Thing. Whatever it is.

[ she's probably not being serious. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

I don't think you could sound more self-important, even if you tried.

[herotypical]

Oh, I'm sure I could've. [ huff. ] You know -- back to an earlier point -- I don't think the whole gun plan works outside the Station.

[tacticalturtleneck]

How do you make a gun not work unless you like...suck all the oxygen out of the atmosphere?

[herotypical]

Fae magic and even rudimentary tech don't go well together. They're...unmixy things.

[ which is fine with her. that's one bonus to this land: no guns. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Sooooo, I'm stuck with swords and bows?

[Give his brain a moment as he attempts to decide if this is awesome or not.]

[herotypical]

And axes and clubs and maces. 'Fraid so.

[tacticalturtleneck]

.....are rampages against the Welsh rules?

[herotypical]

Against? Hell no. I actually think they're required.

[tacticalturtleneck]

....get me a claymore. Stat.

[herotypical]

Now we're cooking with oil.

Grape-seed, probably. Totally healthier.