video; Open to all

[tacticalturtleneck]

Look, let's make something clear here.

[DEEP BREATH.]

Killing other people? Who cares. I can name about a billion people who don't even deserve to take another breath.

Killing alligators and crocodiles? Wipe them out. What are they good for other than looking stupid and starring in movies that are only awesome because of the actors.

But...

But...

Killing the King of Beasts? Not cool at all. He's probably this super awesome creature who just wants to hang out, drink a beer, and have fun but nooooooooooooo. You idiots have to run around and act like he needs to be dead.

I don't want to hear shit about how it wants to be killed. Assisted suicide is sick! Just catch him and take him to a psychologist or something. Don't enable that kind of thing. It's racist...or something along those lines.

Jesus.

[Don't mind him as he drains this bottle of alcohol. A rant like that makes his throat dry, that's all.]

Comments

Re: video;

[tacticalturtleneck]

Think about it for a moment. They can temporarily outrun most creatures. Their bite strength is about 20 times more powerful than their strength when it comes to opening their mouth. They slither.

That should be enough.

[wilee]

[ ....... she seems genuinely concerned, even if her reply will prooobably seem snarky as hell- ]

If that scares you, you probably shouldn't go in the woods here.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Aside from snakes, do these other animals slither?

[wilee]

No.

[ t h i n k i n g .... ]

Well, maybe.

There's something in there that moves without leaving footprints, I just haven't been able to track its scent yet.

-- It's sneaky.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Exactly. See, nothing like crocodiles or alligators. I don't care if they could take down an elephant, they're still pretty pissant in comparison.

[wilee]

That doesn't make any sense.

[ what kind of survival instincts does this guy have.......... ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Let me spell it out for you.

Crocodiles.

Are.

Horrifying.

[wilee]

But so. are. fairy world monsters.

Way scarier than crocodiles.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Until they show up on Discovery Channel with their own special series, I'm not even going to give them a second look.

[wilee]

They would be, though.

[ so serious ]

If Discovery Channel existed here. Which it doesn't.

[tacticalturtleneck]

....how the hell are kids supposed to learn anything without the Discovery Channel?

[wilee]

[ she squints, good question ]

There aren't a lot of kids here.

And the only ones I have met don't even know what a television is.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Those monsters. I'm going to lodge a firm and well worded complaint with my pistol until I can catch Shark Week.

[wilee]

You should just ask for a TV that runs on magic, next time the imps ask you if you want something.

You have to do something useful for them to ask, though. Fight in a battle, find a feather. Whatever they tell us they need help with.