[Text/Action; Seelie] 05 Shadows

[fell_to_hell]

[Nico debates saying anything over voice, but decides against it. He doesn't trust himself to remain collected. Honestly, he feels...drained. Not only is he left with Bianca's shard, but he's now left with Piper and Jason's.

This is too much for him to think or speak clearly. Text is the better option, despite his dyslexia.

The son of Hades takes a deep breath before typing.]

Jason Grace, Piper McLean, and Bianca di Angelo are no longer with us. I currently have their shards.

[He knows for a fact that Thalia will come running to find him in Caer Glaem, so he doesn't bother sending her a private message. This, he thinks, is something that needs to be talked about in person.

Currently, Nico is out on the grounds, sitting next to his gigantic hellhound and looking much like he had when he'd first arrived in the Drabwurld. Alone, sad, and putting up familiar barriers against the pain of loss. Clifford whines at him, not only sensing Nico's distress, but also the loss of one of his favorite demigods.]

Comments

voice.

[quest]

[ he'd keep it to text, but Percy never really has been the type.

Annabeth's shard is heavy in his pocket when he reads Nico's post, pulling it out and into his hand, turning it over once, twice. ]

I'm sorry, man.

Annabeth is gone, too.

voice | private.

[fell_to_hell]

[Nico makes this private between the two of them faster than Thalia coming over to see Jason's shard. He'll do voice for Percy, but he doesn't want any other Seelie to hear him right this second.

His voice is a little rough, but it's steady, at least.]

I don't sense them leave, either. Not that it would make much difference, but at least I'd know what happened.

[He hates this with every fiber of his being.]

I'm sorry, Percy. About Annabeth.

voice | private.

[quest]

If you didn't sense them leave, at least that means they didn't- [ he can't even say it, can't bring himself to. even trying to say that it means they didn't die is too much -- because who knows what any of them are in for once they return home, other than Bianca.

Percy knows all too well what awaits her. ]

Yeah. Yeah, so am I. [ there's a bit of a sniff, then a deep breath, because he's been doing his best to not linger on it. to think that she'd be back, maybe. that their being apart wasn't something that was meant to happen so frequently. ] You'll let me know if I can help, right? I mean, I know that you and Jason were close. And, I mean, Bianca.

voice | private.

[fell_to_hell]

I don't know for sure, though. I can't sense their souls at all.

[He can't bring himself to tell Percy about what he's heard from another person who'd asked the Monarchs about it. This just really isn't the right time for it on either side of this conversation.

Nico takes a breath and slowly lets it out.]

I promised I would. I seem to recall promising the same to you, too. As for Bianca...I'm never going to be fine about it, Percy. But...I'm grateful that I got to see her one more time.

voice | private.

[quest]

I get that, and I don't think anyone would ever expect you to be fine with it. I wouldn't be.

[ and he isn't. not when he thinks about how this is the last chance he gets with Luke, how it could Zoe or Silena that comes here. how it could be any of the people they've lost over the years. and it isn't comparable to losing a sibling, because Percy can't even fathom how it would feel if it were Tyson, but- at least he gets it, partially. ]

I have a friend on the Unseelie side who could get her shard. I mean, if you don't have a way of safely getting to it yourself.

voice | private.

[fell_to_hell]

No, I wouldn't want your friend to do something that would jeopardize their position at Caer Scima. I can go get it.

[Besides, it might get his mind off of things for a bit. Not that he's holding out much hope for that, but still.

...He also tries for something lighter. Nico is terrible at it, he knows, but it does say something in the attempt alone about how he's changed.]

If he comes back, though, I call first on punching him at the Feast.

action!!

[astrapi]

[ This month had... sucked. first talking with Annabeth about Luke, then talking with Luke, then the dogs and getting stupidly injuried, then Annabeth disappearing and now Jason, Piper and Bianca were gone. Seriously, there was no way that it could get any worse. She didn't even have to finish reading Nico's post to know what had happened. She had felt her brother missing. Just as he had been before.

Thalia doesn't take long to go looking for Nico. Hades, she left to find him the moment his message hit the lockets. It doesn't take long either. Her two wolves softly trailing behind her as she sits herself next to Nico. Her own expression as guarded as it had once been before when it came to Jason. ]

[ She doesn't need to say anything, giving Nico the chance to say something first. ]

[fell_to_hell]

[Nico stands to face her. His expression is guarded, but he can't hide a sliver of pain from his eyes. He holds out one of the green shards to her.]

You're the only choice on who should protect his shard. I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't even sense he'd gone.

[He feels like he's failed his best friend in that regard. But Annabeth had come back, looking no worse for wear. Maybe....]

...He's not gone forever, though. Annabeth had been here twice.

[astrapi]

[ thalia is at a slight loss as to what to say. last time jason disappeared, the only one she needed to comfort was herself. and she didn't even do that good of a job at that. regardless, she can't stand to see nico like this. maybe it was part of being a big sister. nico was close to jason, and no doubt he was hurting about bianca. ]

[ thalia doesn't take the shard from his hand nor stand up. rather instead her blue eyes are unusually soft as she glances up past it at him. ] Don't apologize, Nico. I don't think Jason would want you too. [ There's a soft beat as she offers an almost sisterly smile towards him. ] And are you sure you don't need to hear that more than me.

[fell_to_hell]

[That earns a weak, humorless laugh.]

He never does.

[Even when Nico does something wrong, Jason hasn't ever demanded an apology from him. Now that solid presence is gone and Nico isn't sure of what to do. Then there's Bianca's departure, which basically just tears open the old wound to make an even deeper scar on his heart. It's hard to have her again and then suddenly have her leave him behind for a second time.

He shakes his head at her words.]

You're his older sister.

[And Nico knows that this is the second time she's lost her sibling, too.]

[astrapi]

[ Thalia wants to hug Nico and tell him it'll be alright. But she doesn't for several reasons. One being her arm was still pretty badly injured that it'd be a sucky hug and more due to the reasoning that she shouldn't. Nico wasn't exactly the type of person who enjoyed personal contact. Even if the laugh was weak, it was something. And Thalia was going to grasp onto that something. ] Of course not. Jason is a dork like that.

[ with that, she'll gently take the shard from Nico's hand. Pain flicking into her gaze for a sheer second before she turns her full attention down to Nico. ] Are you sure you don't want to hang onto it for a bit longer. You've spent more time with him than I have in a long time. [ It hurt her heart to admit it, but it was true. This one month had been the most amount of time that she had spent with her brother since they were little. But she didn't allow it to show through her voice, keeping it soft and calm for Nico's sake. While all she wanted to do was curse the world and storm off in her usual angry fit - Nico had it worse. He'd lost his dead sister, meanwhile she would be able to see Jason again sometime. ]

[fell_to_hell]

[Nico shakes his head.]

That doesn't make you any less his older sister.

[He looks away from her. Part of him feels guilty for admitting this, but the other part thinks it's justified.]

I don't...think I'm the right person to make any decisions about it. The same with Piper's. I'll be giving hers to Leo when he gets back.

text »

[marred]

[ luke understands the power of abrupt loss better than anyone. having lost his mother, his father, himself, thalia, annabeth, and even his faith in one consecutive swoop after another had almost rendered him a shell of who he is today. there's nothing he can do to change it, despite his wish to do so. he'd never met bianca, in this world or the one at home, but the loss of jason, a friend he hadn't wanted to befriend, but a boy who had broken through his own walls and persisted in his search to find the real luke within the deep and dark and scary labyrinth, had been someone luke had come to almost love like a brother. and piper was someone he was simply starting to know, liking the fight within her and the way she never seemed to back down from a challenge, despite knowing her too little, too late. ]

[ he opts for text due to it being his usual shield he hides behind. he doesn't particularly wish to talk to nico after the blade he'd plunged right into luke's chest months ago. ]

Shit news. You'll be okay, buddy.

[ it's better than i'm sorry, a hollow acknowledgement expressing his condolences to a boy he knows knew these three individuals better than he ever did. whenever it was said to him, it never felt as though the person meant it, it carved out and hollow and just something you slap onto someone who is in pain. at least that's luke, being guarded around a boy who had blamed him — rightfully so — for his sister's death, but he's not exactly the boy who had been so hellbent on destroying himself he wouldn't at least acknowledge this. ]

text »

[fell_to_hell]

Thank you.

[Because, honestly, it is better to be told someone is sure he'll be okay. Maybe not right this second, but eventually he will be. He knows this for a fact, having experienced it before, but having someone know or believe right along with him just...helps.

Losing Bianca again has also reminded him of her last lesson to teach him. Forgiveness, and also asking for forgiveness, even if you'll never get it. It means swallowing down his pride, but he's enjoyed Luke's friendship. That's more important than pride.]

I know this should probably be heard in person or at least over video chat, but. I'm sorry about what I said months ago, about blaming you for Bianca. It was uncalled for and I honestly don't blame you for her death.

[Luke's been just as much a victim of that war as Bianca had been. Though, Nico isn't so sure that's something he should actually say aloud or to Luke's face.]

I'm also sorry I didn't tell you about the aftermath of the Titan War. It was unfair and a disservice to you.

Also, last boon I requested some pictures of our mortal parents. I have one of your mom before Hermes met her. Do you want me to put it in your room?

text » private

[marred]

[ where luke expects it to be done and dusted, a thanks and that's all, what he receives is unexpected. a part of luke, the portion of him that had been so hellbent on destroying himself by plucking anything he could blame himself for from the ground as if they were wild flowers, is angry at nico for even stealing that from him, the great thief of the demigod squad being outwitted by a kid he'd be able to sense from a mile away by the familiar scent of faint death lingering around him. that portion of luke still lives on, thrumming beneath the surface as if it's a titan waiting for the prime moment to snatch the reins from his fingertips and steer this particular carriage off-course. but the part of luke that's begun to settle, especially since he'd retrieved the moon with the assistance of so many people, friend and stranger, he's slowly, and achingly, come to try and not slap the hand that wishes to soothe his hackles away. ]

You really want to be talking about something that happened three months ago when you're grieving?

[ the part of luke that may no longer be at the forefront, steering the vehicle into ditches and attempting to crash him into trees, may lie somewhat dormant, but it still has some grip on him, however fleeting it may be. ]

[ it'd custom to say thanks in return, even an it's all right, but luke's no longer the kid with his hollow reassurances, putting on a farce while on the inside he's seething and hurt. after nico had revealed the loss of his sister, it'd become another heavy weight for him to slap onto his back as if it were the sky, but rather than do as luke thinks atlas should, letting the sky crush him and put him out of his misery, it's something luke's made himself bear for three months and counting. the loss of bianca is as much his fault as the deaths of both charlie and silena. regardless if nico forgives him, luke won't be forgiving himself. ]

[ but it's the mention of mom before hermes, a woman who had once existed without being carved out and left hollow, that sees him not dictate to his locket his own hollow thanks, or even a rejection of nico's apology, not wishing to accept something that luke knows, regardless of what anyone may say, is true. for a kid who may have blamed luke out of the heat of the moment for his sister's death, believing him undeserving of knowing his own status at the end of the war, the resentment he'd held toward luke and kronos had sparked a wild fire that had consumed a good portion of their budding friendship for the months luke took to stewing and collapsing in on himself. it doesn't make sense he'd ask for his mother's photgraph — even though luke knows nico's the type of idiot to shadow travel continuously, despite the emotional and mental toll it may take, to ensure a burning village with a population of a hundred people are relocated to safer territory. ]

[ he slaps on a private, not wishing for anyone to see anything that may transpire. it's no one's business but nico and luke's when it comes to this particular conversation of forgiveness and gross friends being really gross. ]

Why?

text » private

[fell_to_hell]

That doesn't give me the right to continue to let things fester.

[Bianca and Jason wouldn't want Nico to continue doing that. Besides that, he doesn't want to go back down the slippery slope of holding a grudge against someone. Once with Percy has been enough, and he wants to avoid nursing another one on top of everything else in the Drabwurld.

Nico also genuinely doesn't think Luke deserves those feelings from him anyway. The son of Hermes deals with enough all on his own, and Nico doesn't want to add his own baggage onto the older demigod.

The subject of May Castellan is a tricky one, though. He's pretty sure it's a bad idea to mention the fact that he's met her and asked her how Luke got the Curse of Achilles. Nico bites his lip. There's a certain word he's been using a lot lately to describe people from other worlds as well as Jason. To use it to describe Luke right to his face instead of to someone else, that's a bigger leap for him to make. He's willing to make it, though, and prays that he won't fall short of reaching the other side.]

I thought that you deserved to know who she was. And now I'm hoping that we can still be friends.

text » private 1/2

[marred]

I kind of don't deserve anything.

[ one may be able to take the intensity out of the self-loathing, but one can never take the self-loathing out of the boy. ]

[ luke will always hate himself, even if it's at an intensity that burns the planet alive, or even if it's a nice, warm hearth for hestia to defrost her delicate hands over. it's easier to travel along the road if those around him feel the same way every time their eyes fall on his hideous scar. he'd been validated, if stung, when nico had agreed with him all those months ago. ]

[ if it weren't for his talk with percy, he'd find it easier to slap nico away and say we're not friends. but after the dumb kid had forgiven him to his face, detailing why it is he wishes to befriend luke rather than hate him ... he doesn't think himself worthy of forgiveness or the extension of their hands out toward him in a gesture of friendship, but he softens towards taking what he wants — even if a part of him wishes to push everyone away in a bid to protect them from himself. ]

Yeah. You're eighty years old and you haven't seen shit. May the force be with you? Your face smells like peppermint? Jessica Alba being the hottest woman alive? Real Housewives of Orange County? Kind of embarrassing that you don't know what I'm talking about.

text » private

[marred]

[ he wants to leave it at that, ending it on a positive note before he inevitably destroys it. but luke can't quite help himself, wanting to nitpick at something that has triggered the little boy who had grown up too quickly to resurface from where he had once slept soundly and deeply. ]

How do you even know it's before Hermes?

[ he's seen the photographs of her in the attic, of her young and energetic, all her trophies for athletics lining the bookshelves as dust sleeps on top of them. but seeing her in pictures is difficult when he can't reconcile her to the woman who had slowly slid into insanity, her own beauty deteriorating before his very eyes as he grew older and wiser and scared. her entire existence was smothered in hermes and destinies and peanut butter sandwiches that it's difficult for him to even begin imagining may castellan was once a person who loved objects or people fearlessly and perhaps even disliked the smell of peanut butter. ]

text; locked

[truesight]

[ well that's- just- seriously heartbreaking in a hundred different ways. mostly because she knows how close Nico was to all three of them. and some part of her is peeved at her abilities, again, thinking she should have seen this coming, but it's too late for that now ]

I'm so sorry, hero.

You're not alone right now, are you?

text; locked

[fell_to_hell]

[Rachel can join the club at being annoyed at their abilities. They have blazers and cookies and everything.]

I'm with my dog.

[That counts, right?]

text; locked

[truesight]

[ that actually does kinda count, as far as Rachel's concerned. dogs are great buddies. ]

And you've still got me, too. And Percy. And the dozens of friends you've made here.

Who you can totally come hang out with at any time, just so you know.

Well, I really can only speak for myself there, but I think it's safe to assume you've got options.

You know, just in case you wanted to expand your range of company a bit.

text; locked

[fell_to_hell]

[Dogs are the best, Nico can't argue that at all. He hesitates for a moment. Then decides that he kind of doesn't want to be alone anymore. After all the people he's met here and getting close to them, as well as with Jason, he's...stopped wanting to isolate himself from them. Their presence has changed from an irritation to a comfort, and Nico isn't sure when that happened during the time he's been here.]

Is that a subtle way of asking if I want your company right now? Because either way, I kind of wouldn't object.

text; locked

[truesight]

It might be. But it's up to you.

[Voice]

[vanyel_ashkevron]

I'm sorry for your loss, Nico. [He sticks to voice because he isn't in the best shape after battling the dogs.] I didn't know them well, but if you would like to remember them, I am at your disposal.

voice

[commandertoolbelt]

[ He doesn’t want to believe it. It can’t be true - there’s no way. ]

They what? What happened?