Uh, well, hockey's played on an ice rink. People wear skates and there's two teams. Each player has a stick that's, uh, curved at the bottom and they use it to hit a puck around. A puck's this little black flat disc that they have to volley and try to get in a net that belongs to the opposite team. There's one per team on opposite sides of the rink and you have a goalie that stands in front of the net and tries to stop it.

Team the scores the most wins. Golf is... boring. Most sports are pretty much two teams trying to get the best of the other. There's usually balls involved and nets or stuff. Except for baseball, which is totally different and I think might confuse you.

[More than he already had.]