eachdraidh | 003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

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003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

Clara Oswald here.

So...

[There's a lengthy pause as if she really doesn't want to be doing this post but feels compelled to for some reason. Or perhaps she just has no idea how to start.]

So this is Draubwurld's chance to play advice columnist. About-

[There's another painful silence. Or space for a long suffering sigh.]

Relationships.

[Another pause and then suddenly she bursts into speech, going to quickly that it's a little frightening that someone's mouth can move that fast.]

I'm mean I can't be the only one, can I? Had someone back home and then ended up here. Or back here, technically, for me. And now you've got to figure out what's to be done about it. Can't stand around the station hoping your mobile will finally, someday, send them a text message back. The one that you meant to reply to before you showed up here.

If we're trapped here for years and age slowly, it's not quite going to work to just pop back in when the war is over. "Hey, sorry, got kidnapped by fairies 65 years ago, sorry about that, yeah I'd love to go to the cinema like you said in your text". And all the while, they've wondering why you went missing all those years ago.

[And there it is, the sigh.]

Do you just... remain loyal even if it means they might have forgotten you when you return? Or moved on? Or do you call it a wash and start thinking of this place as a new life.

Either way, feels like a bit of losing game, no matter what you do. Suppose that's part of war. But war doesn't usually last centuries. For humans like me, anyway.

[Then she realizes something she probably should have said way back from the start.]

Sorry. For the too much information. And the personal questions. And personal answers if-and-or-when they are given.

Thanks.

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[ Oh, Clara. You don't know what minefield you just set off with Reyna. She debates with herself about saying anything. She's not the type to get involved in other people's business when it involves relationships. She leaves that to Venus children or Aphrodite children because they're better at this. War can be caused through passions involving love but— that's beyond the point.

Her own love life is a joke. A joke she's come to terms with and a joke that she just chooses to deal with like she does with a number of things. Best you swear off boys because you don't need them to be whole. When her answer finally comes, it's said tightly, like she's reining in her tone. ]

Move on. [ She pauses, knowing that's too blunt even for her so she continues. ] There's always a possibility the person will remain loyal. But there's just as easily the possibility that they won't be. [ Her mind drifts to Jason and how he came back to Rome with Piper and Percy and Annabeth who managed to stay loyal to each other despite everything. She doesn't feel bitter, but it still feels a bit raw when she's not quite paying attention. ] You'd be the only one hurting if you see them with another person.

He'll remain loyal.

[Clara catches the clipped tone and does her best to keep hers measured. It is, after all, a sensitive topic and she can't really blame people for bringing in their own baggage. It sort of comes with asking for it.]

It's... [Me, I'm worried about? No, too much information.] It's that I'm not sure if he should. Or if I want him to. Not if I'm going to be here for the next fifty years.

Yeah,

I suppose I have to decide if I do and if I am.

[She loves Danny. But does she love him that much? More than anything? Enough to give up the Doctor for real?]

[ Mayday, mayday, the Doctor has made a huge mistake. ]

The person who got mocked by him. If the man can't even take you traveling with me on occasion with a guarantee the I will bring you back, I doubt he could take you being whisked away to here. [ He can't help how his eyes roll just slightly in annoyance. ] Oh yes, because scores of people here are in that exact situation. You didn't even tell them the other parts. You can't expect to get a proper answer when they've only got half a story.

[ There's a pause and the Doctor realizes the last bit. ] I'm capable of being objective.

[An explosive crash is imminent unless you pull yourself out of this nosedive.]

Not in this situation, you're not.

[Then she frowns. She doesn't want to get into this. It's all deeply petty to her and it just drives that sick, needy, gameplaying part of her that tries to balance both of these aspects of her life without letting the other one drop.] And it's not that he doesn't want me traveling. It's that he doesn't... he doesn't want to see what happened on the moon happen. [But even then, Danny had known she wasn't as upset by this as she thought she had been. She'd have to push herself to be the one to end it.] He wouldn't want me here with you in a war.

And what other parts do you think are relevant in a situation about my love life.

It's a hard decision to make and every relationship is different.

[He pauses for a moment before he decides to tell her his story.]

Before I came here I was on my way to my wedding. A big black SUV drove me off the road and I crashed. Everything went black and that's when the faeries came. I still don't know if I'm... dead or not. Anyway, there isn't anyone else, in this world or my home world, who is as perfect for me as Kate. I'm going to wait for her, and every day I hope to find her here. It's not that I want her stuck here too, I just... can't bear the idea of never seeing her again.

[Clara can't help but wince at the other woman's tone of voice. It just sounds.... so defeated? So miserable. So torn. And so utterly frustrated that this place is putting her through that. And with a sinking sensation, she realizes how much she can relate. A guy back home and a guy here that... well it's complicated to say the least. Though she has to admit, there was no sinking feeling in her chest when she thinks about Danny not showing up? The idea of being away from him is painful but... not as much as it's hurting this other girl.]

I. know how you feel. Both about the two people, one at home and one here with a whole lot of tension. And the whole being terrible at this sort of thing. Glad to know I'm not the only one and I haven't got the excuse of Aphrodite.

[Then she licks her lips. The Doctor is here. He nearly forced her to do something terrible and there's not an ounce of regret in him as far as she can tell. She's furious and yet... they've reached a truce of some sorts. While they intended to part ways, now they're here together, and they ought to work together as best they can.]

I don't know. I don't want to let him go. But I want him to be happy all the same. And I don't know if either of us will be if we just sit around and wait for each other, letting years and years pass us by.

Their professions. I see. It sounds like there's a lot more to this. I'm not sure what to tell you. There's no guarantee he might not show up. Or your friend, if he isn't also here with you. I know sometimes it can be easier to avoid certain topics, but in time it is usually best to come clean. Secrets can really damage or even end some relationships. But that's your choice to make, and might not even be entirely relevant for the time being here, of course.

Sorry. I don't know if this is really helping at all.

[ isn't this katherine's life? people die. people move on. she never ages. on the outside, it appears as though loyalty is such a fickle and insignificant concept to someone like katherine who plunges her knives into the backs of her alleged friends, but it has been the one tether that has made her question herself. who is she? why is she so keen on returning to pennsylvania, despite what elijah has said of her future, to be with him? loyalty to herself has always been the priority — as people come and go, but she remains, as broken and as defeated as many refuse to perceive her as. ]

[ she doesn't respond to clara as katherine, the woman who is untouchable, but as katerina, the girl who believed in love so much it had killed her. ] You do what you feel is right. You mourn for them. You love them. But you never stop living because of them.

Just a bit.

[ It's like being cut off. She had always had Harry and Ron at her side and even though Harry is here he's worlds away from her, doing things and having adventures and troubles she can't even being to comprehend. When Ron was here it was a bit easier, but, at the same time... She can't wish for him to come back just as she can't wish that she stays feeling the way she does forever. It's not that simple and they both deserve to be happy. Everyone does. ]

It's a way of making us fight harder. That we're not just protecting ourselves but we're protecting the people at home, too.

...If people back home believed that sort of thing with certainty, the world might be a different place.

Right. We have to fight harder to return home. Because otherwise we'll never see them again.

[It's exactly like being cut off. Or it was. It was worse when the Doctor wasn't there. But even now that he is, she can't help but feel distant from him. He's not in her court. They're not supposed to be on the same side.

She sighs, a bitter little sigh through her nose.]

I wish I even knew how to fight harder. This whole war is all muddled. As much as we it seems like it's just a conflict between two opposing sides, it's not that simple, not for us. [Not when someone you know is on the other side.]

[ Maglor huffs in amusement ]

I suppose it would be harder when you are not sure - but for us, it is not belief but knowledge. Even now my grandmother's body lies in Lorien, while her soul lingers in the Halls, and will always do so, for grandmother chose not to return.

No, it's not. It's not as simple as black and white or good and evil. I know that.

[ She purses her lips. Voldemort had been easier; Voldemort had been evil and they'd had to destroy him. It was the only way to save all the people they cared about and everyone they loved - but here? There were people that could be defined as 'good' in the Unseelie court and she was sure there are some people that might be seen as 'bad' in the Seelie, too.

What was the right answer? ]

We just have to do whatever we can to keep going.

...ah, that's roughly the way I've been approaching it. Although, I think my fiancee would likely deal with this sort of thing rather well, so I'm not quite as concerned on that front.

Then again, the conscription angle is a bit worrying regardless, particularly given all the people here who seem to be... well.. like that.

[ Reyna has to bite back a comment about loyalty and how she can't guarantee that. It's not her business and maybe Clara's right, maybe he would stay loyal to her. Still, the rest of what she's saying gives her pause.

Not being sure if he should be loyal to her is another thing entirely when compared to him staying loyal to her. Fifty years is a long time, enough time for someone to have grandchildren, technically speaking. To put your life on pause for that long for something that— may never happen is something that seems silly and laughable at best. ]

It's his choice. If he loves you enough, he'll do even if you don't want him to. Not that you could tell him you'd prefer it if he didn't. [ Since you know, you did mention that originally, Clara. ] It just comes down to what you can do, not what you can't control.

Wish I knew what was right. Usually I always think I'm right. Now I'm a bit... well, there's a reason I'm asking for advice.

[But there is something she appreciates in the other woman's words.]

I'd never stop living. Too much to do. Too much to see. Especially in a place like this. And even back home.

...Bloody hell. Now that's real misery. How are you holding up? Can't imagine you can just wander around fairy land and manage just to not think of that.

[She licks her lips. That was the polite part of it. Now to the meat. Of course there's always stories about true love and finding it. But that's always just been a story. Stories that she loved, of course, but stories all the same.]

How did you know that she was the one? In a place where we all come from so many different worlds?

Does it make it easier? Knowing that? Make it easier to live, to chose, to decide what you're going to do with your fate?

I don't think I'm the only one with friends in the other court.

[The smile on her face is bitter and the attempt to reign in it is minimal at best. The Doctor, he always managed to complicate things didn't he? But then she nods.]

We can't just sit around wait for something to happen. We've at least got to do something to make this turn out right.

My friend is here.

And's probably gloating about being here and my boyfriend not.

[And she's frowning deeply at the advice about secrets.]

Can't secrets be for the best sometimes? Stopping people from getting hurt or afraid?

Like that?

You mean military?

[A long moment passes before Grainne replies.]

Thank you... Even when they go to foster, it has always been difficult.

Not really. [ His eyes look far away ] Death is still death. It still hurts, it is still a sundering. We know they will walk again one day, but we do not know when, after all. And for some of us, there is no returning to Valinor, and the reborn do not come again to Middle-earth.

But when you stand on the battlefield, and see your death coming? It is still death, and your being rebels against it, screaming in defiance, and you must still find your own courage.

[ Aure entuluva cried Fingon. Day will come again! ]

[ He doesn't know how to fly this plane!!! ]

Neither are any friends that might answer this.

[ Or you, but even he knows better than to point that out. He shouldn't be pressing at this but he can't help it. It bothers him for the same reasons it did at home. PE isn't here and she's still— doing this. ] He doesn't want me to— He mocked me in my own TARDIS, Clara. Forgive me for thinking he also doesn't enjoy me. [ Not that he had been a shining beacon of politeness, but it was also his home that they had been in at the time. ] And I'm sure he'd enjoy being in it. Of all the people to be stuck in a war with, I'm one of the better ones.

The part that involves you going on trips with someone who isn't him. [ See also: me. ]

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003 ☆ Voice ☆ Both Courts

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